Chapter 77: Five years later: Sarn
Half of my castle is destroyed and the other half is almost unlivable. I've charged into the walls until they crumble under my pounding fists and hostile body. I do not leave the castle during daylight and I haven't seen the sun in years.
When darkness falls, the true nightmares begin. This is when I cause most of the destruction. Flying is the only thing that offers any comfort at all. I fly until minutes before the sun begins to rise so I can avoid the light. When your soul is black, the rest of the world should take heed.
During the day, I sleep in fitful snatches of torment. Sometimes, I wake up with Sierra's scent on the edge of my consciousness. Often, and these are the worst, I don't see her in my dreams at all. I see each of my brides, one after the other, with looks of pity on their faces and it swallows me alive until I'm awake and destroying more of my castle walls.
My life is hell. Each minute ticks away faster and faster. This time between brides usually slows down and a minute seems like hours. But now, I don't want a bride. I'd rather be miserable and lonely. And dammit... time flies in this black hole that's my life.
***
Sierra
I'm only half the person I was before. I don't laugh and I rarely cry. The first year was miserable and then I got angry. The anger lasted for several years. My anger at Sarn and then my anger at the Goddess. I'm surprised she never ended my worthless life for all the nasty things I shouted into the sky. I spelled out the ugliness and the pain she caused, to no avail.
Now, I've found lonely acceptance. It happened after I convinced the bear shifter who took Sarn to the realm crossing to take me there. The crossing is located in Sedona, Arizona, at a vortex. She pointed out the exact spot that Sarn disappeared. I stayed for three days without eating or sleeping. Nothing I tried worked. I could not break through to his realm. When I finally collapsed, Dmitri was there and took me back to the nightclub and gave me the room that belonged to Sarn. I lie in the same bed where I saw Sarn with two naked women and tried to remember my anger. I wanted so badly to get mad and try to relieve the pain. Then I remembered his covert stares and the heat that ran through my veins when I'd notice. I would give anything to go back to the time before... the time of secret glances and fanciful wishes. The years of anger dissolved as I remembered the good times. He was so angry, lonely, and heartbroken at first. My love changed him even if it was only for a short time. I could smile as I thought of our days and nights together. The only thing that finally brought the tears back was thinking of the pain he must be in. My wolf whined as I curled into a tight ball. Sarn's scent was washed from the sheets long ago, but I'd swear it washed over me.
Now I'm back in Florida with my family. I don't smile often. It hurts when I do because I don't want to be happy. The pain of losing a mate is indescribable. I wonder if the Goddess who punished the dragons so long ago felt this at the loss of her daughter. If she did, I can almost understand the curse.
I'm sitting in a shaded spot by the edge of the water when I scent my brother approaching. He sits beside me.
"We're a pathetic pair, aren't we?" I say with a bittersweet smile.
"Yes, we are," he answers as he places his arm around my shoulder. "I'm leaving, Sierra."
I knew this was coming and had been dreading it for months. It's best for him, but I still need him so badly. Our combined loneliness is somehow comforting. "Where will you go?" I'm finally brave enough to ask.
He makes a gruff sound in his throat. "I'm not sure. I know my mate is waiting for me somewhere and I must find him."
Roland came out to my father when we first returned to the Everglades. My father wrapped him in his giant arms and told him he loved him. For a man who made so many mistakes with his children when we were babies, my father has more than made up for it. He also told my brother the story of Franklin, the liege vampire to the Northeast clan who died at the beginning of the war with the cats. Franklin's mate was another male. His clan was happy and they accepted the will of the Goddess. Ivan told Roland that the clans would accept him too.
As Roland sits still beside me with his arm over my shoulder, I've decide to write a text about the clans. I want the stories of all that has gone on before me. I need something to do with the time I have on my hands. Maybe gathering the stories of our history will help fill the lonely hours. I'm losing my brother and if I don't do something with my time, I'll surely go crazy.
I already know the answer, but I ask him anyway. "You don't want me with you, do you?"
His arm tightens a little. "I love you." He leans in and kisses my cheek. "This is something I must do on my own."
"I understand," I whisper. And I truly do. My life is all but over. My brother has a chance at happiness. "I will miss you more than you know."
"I know exactly how much you will miss me because I will miss you more."
We sit quietly after that and just enjoy having each other close. Life goes on for the rest of the world while it stands still for me. My life is over.
