Chapter 73: Sarn

It's another hour before we leave the bed and only because we are wasting away to nothing without food. A basket waits on the doorstep that apparently Sierra expected. "They will restock the fridge and cupboards today while we're out," she tells me. "They honor you with gifts of food."
"I pay for the food," I tell her because it's true.
She smiles as she shakes her head. "No, silly dragon, you pay Dmitri. The bears couldn't care less about money. They take care of me when I'm here. Nikka, Dmitri's mate, says it's because I spread happiness. Bears are different from other beastkind. Their way's older. Small changes occurred for a while, but with peace within the beastkind world, most have gone back to caring for their men and enjoying it. The only difference is now their females have the option to do more. The help they've given me proves it isn't just the men they care for. I think the bears are special and often misunderstood."
I can only give her a slight grunt. I don't explain that being waited on is normal for me. It's a dragon thing. We have loyal servants who take care of us from before sunrise to long after the sun goes down. They make a dragon's life easy when it comes to food and clothing. Anything they cannot provide, we steal from other realms. It's the way of dragons. I have enough to feel guilty about without worrying why the bears choose to help me.
I help Sierra fix breakfast. Not by actually preparing anything but by stealing kisses and tickling her so her laughter fills the kitchen. She slaps my hands away but never tells me to stop. We eat at the small table and the food is much more delicious than I cooked the previous morning for her brother.
I can't believe this is only the beginning of day two with Sierra in my bed. I feel as if she's been part of my life for years. Much more satisfying than the first years with a bride. Sierra doesn't hide from me or shake in fright whenever I'm near. She's the combination of every bride once they've settled in. She represents the perfect years-sex and companionship. What is it about her that attracts me so? I've been aware of her for a year. Secretly longed for everything she offered when she thought I wasn't looking. She wears her heart on her sleeve and it's never been hard to decipher the hot need in her eyes. I never took her up on the silent offer of her body and that's very strange for me.
Another thought takes hold and the happiness of a moment ago disappears. We're lying in tall grass resting after making love yet again. Thinking about her lack of virginity is what changes my mood.
"Who was he?" I ask as the air around us heats with my ire. I use everything I have to tamp it down.
"Who was who?" she replies in a dreamy voice that only causes my anger to rise against my will.
"The man who stole your virginity. The men who came after him," I spit out as I take a deep breath and suck the hot air back down my throat.
She rolls my way and places her small hand on my upper arm. "You're not serious."
I grumble low under my breath. I cannot look at her. "I wish to know about this man and the others."
She sits up so she's gazing directly into my eyes. "Okay... but first you will remove that tone from your voice. You are not a dictator and you will respect the rules of this realm that allow women to have the same sexual freedom as men. If you can do that, I will tell you of him."
I'm so angry I want to burn something. I can feel my control disintegrating. "You need to leave now," I shout as I roll over and dislodge her hand while going to my knees. The fire builds inside me with hot wrath and the need to destroy.
"Sarn," her voice whispers past the roaring in my ears. "Do not do this. You are stronger than you think. You do not want to hurt me. You hurt Roxanne because of grief. You love me." Her hands soothe my back and her voice breaks into my thoughts. The fire dies down a bit as she continues speaking. "I love you. The man I gave my virginity to was a friend. We were together intimately for a while as he taught me the ways of my body. Only friends and I haven't seen him in a long time. I didn't care enough to keep up with where he went or who he went with. No man has come after him but you." Her hands drift over me as I listen. "I never loved him. I have only loved once and that man is you. Now calm down and take me in your arms. I need them about me."
I collapse facedown into the grass. My little wolf covers me with her body and spreads herself along my hot flesh. Her heart thuds against my back as her soft, naked breasts push against me. Everything. All the pain. The heartache. The misery. The shame. It bursts from me in a torrent of tears that no man should ever release.
And my brave wolf takes it all. She speaks of her love. And of mine. She describes her loneliness while she waited for me. I hear every word-need it to survive my wretched memories. I think of Roxanne's charred flesh. The pain I caused to so many because I let my anger unleash. Ashrac's fear of me, his Uncle Sarn whom he loved. My last kiss with Calista and Beth before her. All my brides-their sweetness and giving natures. The years of loneliness after each left me. The loneliness of my brother dragons while they suffered too. How glad I was at those times that it was not me and I still had a bride to hold onto. My life has been thousands of years of heartache that I've tried to bury. It's stripped from me now. Stripped from my heart, my flesh, my soul. I cry for it all and my wolf takes my shame and weaves her magic and separates it from the memories.
Long after the tears subside, she holds and comforts me. I've never needed anyone as badly as I need her. I turn and bring her into my chest. My fingers thread through her hair as I inhale her scent.
I cast another prayer silently out into the wind. "Please, Goddess, I only ask that you give me as much time as possible. I will do your bidding and abide by the curse. But I need this woman for as long as possible."