Chapter 79: Sarn

Even after twenty-four years, life would be easier with alcohol. If I can say one good thing about my miserable existence, it's that I haven't had a drink in all these years. Anger, desolation, guilt, and hatred are my drug. I don't wish to spread my wings. I just want death. And now I will accomplish what my heart desires most.
I'm not claiming a bride.
The curse can take my worthless life and be done with it. While the excitement of claiming usually begins to build in the immediate years before the ceremony, these years have been the worst for me. I only fly out when the need for food forces me to hunt. I haven't seen a single person or dragon in ten years. Well, except a few weeks ago when Bastian came. I barely remember the threat that I made so many years before about considering dragons my enemy and Bastian gave no sign that he cared. I said little to him during his visit and only half listened to his boring diatribe. He said something about forgiving myself, but that will never happen. The last thing I told him before he left was that I wasn't attending the claiming.
If my death is as painful as I expect it to be, it won't come close to overshadowing all the years spent without Sierra. I'm done. The curse can take me. Nothing can be a greater hell than the one I've suffered.
In a fit of energy the day before claiming, I'd bathed. At one time water flowed freely in pipes throughout most of the castle. I actually laughed aloud when I turned the ornate gold fixture at the tub in my bathing chamber and nothing came out. Irony at its best. I knew I smelled worse than death so I hauled cold water up the stairs from the old human quarters and filled the tub myself. Up until this point I'd soaked occasionally in the lake but it never helped much. With a surprising determination to feel clean, I found soap and scrubbed myself raw and washed my overly long hair too. It took an hour to remove the tangles while thoughts of Sierra swamped me. Her soft skin and scent while she worked the comb through my hair. The brush of her body against my naked flesh and the calming sound of her voice. Usually I pushed thoughts of her away, but now she's all I want on my mind. She loved me and I will always love her.
In another fit of energy, I cleaned my bedroom. The sheets on my bed hadn't been replaced in ages. Not since I ran out of the mountains of clean ones. So I performed the task of washing and drying some linen that hadn't been eaten by mice. It gave me a finer appreciation of the tasks my servants performed for me. I actually missed them and not because they served me. I miss the never-ending bustle in the servant's wing of the castle. I remember going there and enjoying a piece of sweetbread on occasion. Their human presence brought comfort between brides when times were bad. Sending them away was the right thing to do, though, and I know they're happier. If I'd hurt one of them during my many rages, it would have been another stain on my soul that I'd carry to hell. I don't need more.
Over the years, I'd destroyed most of the gold and jewels in my room. With my newfound enthusiasm, I gathered everything and cleared it all out. I hunted the castle until I found treasures that I'd somehow missed in my tantrums. I polished each piece until its beauty gleamed. They now decorated my bedroom, which was the only livable space within the castle.
My death chamber.
I stare up at the newly cleaned ceiling as a sense of peace settles over me. I will die here tomorrow and escape this never-ending pain. The true punishment was waiting twenty-four years to do it. Maybe a last flight tonight and a last meal. Or maybe I'll just lie here and think of the happy times with Sierra.
A ripple of energy crosses over my skin and I know dragons breach my realm. Not one, all of them. I'm not angry. I need to say goodbye and to beg forgiveness one last time. Laryn and his mate are with them. I owe him so much. He will either accept my apology or he won't. It matters not because I will die without my own forgiveness.
I stand from the bed, pull on a shirt and pants that I also washed and dried, and walk out on the large perch outside my window. It's early in the day and sun flashes off the silver of Tahr's wings. His bride, Meagan, is surely dead now and grief will be eating away at him. I can only hope the Goddess will allow him to find his true mate with his next bride. He has suffered enough.
Five dragons. The sight amazes me. Two red, two blue, and Tahr's silver. Ashrac is not with them and I feel bad that I cannot ask him to forgive me too. He'd be a teenager now and an even bigger handful for his parents. A smile curves my lips before it drifts away.
They draw closer and I notice someone on Roxanne's back. Maybe Ashrac has come, though it will be hard to resist teasing him for not flying himself here. The person is small and sits upon Roxanne like they belong. I admire Roxanne's beauty. Her glorious blue is fitting as Laryn's mate. At a hundred yards away, the person on her back becomes clear. How did I miss that wild hair?
My heart stops.
No blood pumps through my veins.
I stand frozen and no air enters my lungs.
Roxanne is the only one who lands. The rest hover, though I barely notice. My eyes stay glued to the woman I love.
"No," I shake my head as she bounds down off of Roxanne's back. "You can't be here. No." I want her so bad, I've dreamed of seeing her again, holding her, loving her. But this can't be happening. She stops a few feet from me and I glare at the dragons. "Why? Do you hate me so much that you would have her die?" I yell at them.
Roxanne is the one to speak. "We forgive you, Sarn, and we love you." Her wings expand and she launches herself into the sky. They fly away without looking back. And Sierra stands before me with tears streaming down her face. She's never looked more beautiful. My dreams could never do her justice.
I'm actually hoping this is another of my dreams and then she speaks. "I love you, Sarn, and I wish to stay here and pass to the Summerlands with you."
My tears fall and she reaches her hand out and touches me. Her energy flairs and it travels inside of me and swirls around my heart. It beats again and blood thunders through my veins.
She's in my arms and I'm hugging her so tight that I can only kiss the top of her head. Her scent cleans my soul and washes away all the pain. She's here. She came to me when all was lost.
I push her back enough that I can grasp her cheeks within the palms of my hands. I need her lips and I take them. Home. It isn't my lair or my realm. It's her. Her lips are the sweetest. I skim my hands down her sides until I can reach beneath her shirt and feel her bare flesh. It's not enough and I break the kiss to pull the shirt over her head. Mine comes next. I must have her heartbeat against mine. I lift her slightly and hug her again.
"I love you, Sarn. I love you," she repeats over and over.
I can't get a word out. I feel if I do, this dream will turn into a nightmare. I cannot wake without her in my arms. I lift her up and cradle her as I walk into my room. I lay her on the bed and quickly remove her pants. She's naked and she lifts her arms. My pants hit the floor in seconds and I'm in those arms.
My long hair surrounds us and mingles with hers. I inhale her scent. She is really here; this is no dream.
"Take me, Sarn, don't waste another second."
I don't. My cock finds home too. I kiss her temple, her cheek, and rediscover her lips. She clenches me tight within her body and takes everything I give her. I can feel the energy of her wolf as we mate. It doesn't matter that she isn't a bride, wasn't a virgin, or has no possibility of transcending. She. Is. My. Mate.
I want to slow down and cherish this moment forever, but my body has other ideas. My balls tighten and I spill my seed before I'm ready. It doesn't matter because she's right there with me. Her inner walls constrict as a soft moan escapes her lips. We are both too overwhelmed to shout our pleasure.
I don't withdraw my cock. I start kissing her again as her hands explore my back and move down to my ass. I manage to roll so she's above me and her hands go to my chest. I must see her, and now it's her hair cocooning us.
"Kiss me, Sierra." These are the first words I speak since bringing her to my bed.
"You are a greedy dragon," she whispers as her lips meet mine.
She has no idea how truly greedy I am. My cock is swelling once more and she begins to move in a slow, rocking motion that burns in the best way.
"I love you," she says again.
"I love you," I reply against her lips. Our eyes are locked together and I drown in the pools of brown that I've missed like no bride I've ever had. "I love you." I say it again.
She quickens her pace and takes what she needs. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I gather her hair so I can see her riding me. Her breasts sway as our bodies dance. Her inner muscles tighten again as do my balls. We ride the waves together, as it should be, as only she and I can. Her energy rolls through me again and I bathe in her light. It might not shine like a dragon's, but it's there. This time we both cry out and the sound of our release echoes off the walls.
She's cuddled in my arms a few minutes later. I move a few strands of hair from her cheek so I can see her face. Her tears are flowing freely.
I prop myself up on one arm and gaze into her eyes. "You shouldn't have come. I only wanted you safe and happy."
She stares with watery eyes and shakes her head just a bit. "I've been in hell since the day you left me."
Her words kill me. "I'm so sorry." More sorry than she can ever know. I left to give her a chance.
Her hand lifts and one finger presses to my lips. "No. You could not know how I would feel as I do not know how you felt. I see the suffering in your eyes, my poor dragon. We have but a short time and I want no apologies or guilt or anything negative. I only want love."
My tears fall over her cheeks and blend with hers. "Everything I can give you is yours," I whisper before kissing her again.
When the kiss finally ends, she smiles. "I want to fly, dragon."
"As you wish."