Chapter 85: Pepper

I creep up the stairs, thankful when I make it past the children's ward monitor. Charlotte is a few years older than I am and she has found her permanent job within the castle. She's kind and softhearted, especially with the children, but she would not approve of me going anywhere near the dragon's tower now that Meagan is gone.
She also knows it's far past time that I find my place within these walls and settle into a job. Meagan was the only person who never rushed me into a decision. I miss her tremendously. With a small sigh, I begin climbing the stone tower stairs and for the hundredth time think on the options open to women. I could work in the kitchens, which are hot and uncomfortable most of the year. I could ask for a cleaning assignment, which would be incredibly boring. I could even work with the children or the elderly, which I've given serious thought. There are a few caretaker positions open to feed and water the animals, but those are usually held by the men. A few of the women milk cows each day, but I don't think that's for me either. I'm not lazy, I just want a duty that gives me an exciting reason to wake up each day. Something that will expand my mind and make life interesting.
I've watched the dragon since I was six. He flies overhead in a spectacular display of strength and beauty. I envy his freedom. I will never be more than a human servant, but I can't stop my fantasies from taking over my thoughts. I want wings and fire and freedom. I want a kingdom to call my own and a life filled with adventure.
More fool I-I want Tahr and everything that goes with being the mate of a dragon.
And I loved Meagan, so the guilt of those thoughts eats at me. Her life revolved around Tahr. She spoke of him constantly-idealized him. On a small level, I think she knew of my secret desires. Every so often she would look at me and I would swear she could see clear to my soul.
I continue climbing the dark stairs. I've done it so many times, I don't need light. I'm lost in thoughts of the past when I'm jerked off my feet and lifted high. My mouth opens in a silent scream as my back hits the wall and my feet dangle. Shining silver eyes send fear slicing through me.
"What were you doing in my bedroom, human?"
I can't answer him and even if I could use my arms, he doesn't understand our human hand signals. His fingers are hot where they touch me and even in my terror, I notice the zing that travels across my skin. His breath is warm against my cheek. He's so angry I can see sparks of fire in his silver eyes. He's unclothed, which is normal when he's in human form. His arms bulge and if I could reach, I would touch his chest and explore the muscles there. He holds my arms tightly for several minutes, giving my nerves a reprieve from the terror of him grabbing me in the dark. His angry gaze remains locked on mine as he receives no answer to his question.
Finally he lowers me to the floor and leans in close to my neck. He inhales and it unnerves me. When he exhales, it tickles my skin. His scent and nearness make me dizzy with some unrecognized need. He moves back slightly, continuing to hold me still, and locks his gaze with mine once more.
"I will see you punished for entering my room." He punctuates each word with a harsh squeeze to my arms. "You are no longer welcome in any part of the castle but the human area. Meagan spoiled you and it's over now."
Devastation crashes my world at his words. Doesn't he feel our connection? This energy that swells between us whenever we touch?
No. I read the answer in his angry gaze. Condemnation fills his beautiful eyes. Of course he feels nothing for me. I am but a human brought to his realm to ease his life. My fantasies come crashing down. Even if he sensed our connection, I am an ugly bald female and no comparison to Meagan. No voice and no hope of anything other than the right to live a life of servitude in this realm.
I am nothing.
His hands slide down my arms and he turns me none too gently. He releases me and shoves me in the direction of my room. My shaking legs cause me to stumble slightly. Using the wall for balance, I glance back unable to stop the tears running down my face. The dragon is gone and so are my dreams.
I enter my room, remove the headdress, and lay it upon a small wooden dresser. I run my palms over my scalp and gently massage the soft skin that grows tender when I wear the headpiece too long. The ornate covering was a gift from Meagan and I treasure her thoughtfulness. I stare at the green jewels encrusted in the gold. I long for Meagan's comfort even though she would hate me if she knew the depths of my feelings for her dragon. I deserve my destroyed dreams and feel such shame that I've held onto them for so long. I shudder as I recall his angry words. Meagan mentioned years ago to avoid his temper. I never understood because when I saw them together, he treated her like the precious jewel she was.
I rub the bruises forming on my arms and take a shaky breath. I should not have touched him. It was inevitable that I would be caught. I can't resist feeling the tingles that shoot across my skin when our flesh meets. I'm addicted to his energy and I've become more daring each time I enter his room. It all began as a caress of his hair. So soft and inviting but I stopped there the first time. Then I ventured to the side of his face and the next time his shoulder. Tonight I gave into the very strong temptation and ran my hand over his chest. The strength that lies beneath his skin is evident in each rippling wave of muscle but his flesh is actually soft. I can still feel the strange tingles that travel across my skin when touching him. Why can't he?
I slip my plain sleeping gown over my head and pull the covers up high as I silently whisper Meagan's name in my head. "I'm sorry for loving your dragon." I curl into a tight ball and await my punishment. I deserve whatever comes. My tears fall as I huddle in misery while a deep ache of what I've lost crushes me.