Chapter 18

AUTHOR
Chapter 18
XANDER
Julia turning to me: why are you crying?
I turn to her father who was pleading with me before putting me at the same height as her: it's because I'm sad my darling
Julia wiping away my tears: Did dad make you sad?
Me: no no not at all my dear
Julia: what makes you sad then?
Me taking a deep breath before answering her: I'm sad because I have to give you some time, mom needs me
I was so ashamed to lie to her brazenly looking her in the face but I have no other solution at the risk of breaking her heart
Julia: So you're leaving me too, right? did I misbehave?
Me pained for her: no no not at all my dear, it has nothing to do with you, you are the best little girl in the world, you have done nothing wrong
Julia: So why do I feel like you're not coming back?
Me: no honey I'll be back soon, my mum needs me, I have to go take care of her for a while and I'll be back
Julia jumping into my arms crying: don't go, please don't leave me
Me trying to hold back my tears: darling please stop crying
Throughout this discussion he stays there, static without saying a single word, I really don't know what to say to him so that she can let me go without hurting him, I'm so torn right now, either stay for her and continue being unhappy or leave for a while to clear my mind and know what I need at this precise moment, I'm really torn between heart and reason
The choices of the heart have led me into this unbearable situation that I am living in at the moment, what I know is that an unhappy mother can never provide a stable or pleasant home for a child, which a child needs. they are parents, calm and happy who can transmit this love to them while I am lost at the moment, I have to take a break even if it will hurt him now
Julia: promise me you won't last and you'll come visit me and call me every day
Me in spite of myself: promise my darling, you won't even feel my absence, I will always be behind you to relieve you
Julia tightening her embrace: come back quickly "mom"
Mom ? this is the first time she called me mom, she always called me Alex, this little one who takes me like a mother today, am I making the right decision? should I leave my child and go? are the questions that jostle in my mind, if I continue to listen to my heart I risk aborting this idea and its risk of costing me really dear, I hold her very tightly in my arms as if to show her or make her feel everything the love I feel for her, we stay there in each other's arms, crying silent tears
I came to this house with a lot of dreams that I had, I thought I could bring the man I'm in love with to love me and form a real family but I didn't succeed, on the contrary this marriage only did create more distance between us, and deteriorate our relations even more, today I'm leaving broken, and my dreams have been ruined, I understood that we can't always get what we want in life, sometimes we realize our dreams and sometimes not, when you try to move forward and you don't get to the end of the road, sometimes you have to accept that you have taken the wrong road and take another
Today I came to the end of my little journey with the man I love, even if this marriage was not what I expected, she made me a mother and that is a bond that even a divorce cannot deteriorate
I take my suitcase and head for the stairs, at the end of the stairs was Mina, who asks me what's wrong and where I'm going with my suitcase
Mina: Where are you going with those suitcases?
Me: I have to go home
Mina surprise: what went wrong?
Me: no nothing just gotta go for a while
Mina: I know you're not telling me the truth, what could he have done to you that today you decided to leave?
Me: nothing, he didn't do anything
Mina in a soft tone: I know how annoying my son can be when he wants but what makes me the saddest is that so much happened until you made the decision to leave and I didn't know anything, you never trusted me enough to tell me about your problems
She pauses before continuing: nevertheless I can never force you to stay in a place that does not give you the inner peace you need, I hope it was really a wise decision and that it does not it wasn't done on a whim, it will always be your home here don't forget it, I hope it will be temporary because even if you didn't give birth to it today you became the mother of this little one who loves you as such
She takes me in her arms and whispers in my ear "you are my son's last chance, please don't abandon him, with you he becomes my son again but if you leave him he will only become the shadow of himself, take the time for yourself, clear your mind and come back to us quickly »
When I turn around he was still behind me without saying anything, his gaze had darkened I calmly pull my suitcase out of the house under their gaze, he's not trying to hold me back either I think it's is the best thing to do, I'm going home, even if I spent many months in this house it was never at home there

Alexander
Inside me I'm boiling right now, I'm overwhelmed by an anger that I don't understand, I'm unable to bear the looks of my daughter and my mother at this time, I don't want to read the disappointment on their faces, I can't look them in the face it's too hard for now, even if it's really loose I prefer to slip away from this house for a few hours
I take my car keys and head to my friend's house, I want to empty my bag and be able to chat with someone who won't judge me, if only if I could have controlled myself last night , if only I hadn't touched her she would still be there right now, I'm so angry with myself
When I arrive I go straight up I really hope he's home since I didn't warn her, when I get to the doorstep I ring the bell but he takes a while to open up, go knowing he may be with the girl he didn't want to talk about, I ring the bell one last time and there I see him come out in jogging bottoms without a top
Me in a teasing tone: I see you're busy
William: But what are you doing here at this hour? it's not even 8 o'clock yet
Me putting my hands in my face: it's on the doorstep, do you see me?
Before he even answered there was a female voice behind him saying "my heart is who?" I feel like I know that voice I hope that's not what I think but when I find out who it is my blood goes round she was wearing a shirt of his I dream ?
Me in a harsh tone: no but what's going on here?
William: I can explain everything to you...
I don't let him finish his sentence that I throw my point in his face which automatically puts him on the ground
Me with all my rage and anger: how dare you? how could you
Thea: But what's your problem? why are you hitting him? who gave you this right?
Me in a harsh tone: but you have a problem? he watched you grow up, since when do you sleep with my sister? since when ?
Thea shouting: what if he saw me grow up? we have almost the same age gap as you and your wife, you didn't mind marrying her anyway, what's shocking you?
Me: it's not the same
Thea: well done you're the only one who has the right to do what you want right? when it's you there's no problem, let me do what I want with my life
William stand up: it's not what you think, I wanted to tell you everything
Me: you dare to touch my little sister? you and I have nothing more to say to each other
I prefer to get away from there before saying or doing a truck that I will end up regretting