Chapter 24

Chapter 24
Alex
After my argument with my mother I preferred to lock myself in my room and no longer see her face, it's decided I no longer intend to stay in this house with her, I'm going to go to a hotel while waiting to find a little girl. house where I will have peace, I am tired of living in this hostile atmosphere for the development of a person
This morning Robert "my brother who just burst into my life" asked to see me, and I accepted since the almighty Alexender cut us off and we couldn't finish our conversation, I propose that see you in a cafe not far from my building i really don't feel like going out or doing anything today i see him for a few minutes and i'm going home
We take a seat in the cafe, and he asks to be served, once I stare at him to find out what he has to say to me since I don't want to get started first.
Robert giving me a look: Are you okay? you are really pale...
Me: don't worry it's ok
Robert: Did he hurt you?
Me pretending not to understand: who?
Robert: this moron who came to interrupt us savagely by bringing you as if you belonged to him
Me smiling in spite of myself: that jerk as you call him is my husband and no he didn't hurt me, he just took you for a suitor and it made him jealous, he's not not like this usually
I am myself surprised to take his defense but it is normal, it bothers me to hear him speak badly of the man I love
Robert: I understood that he was your husband but still he has no right to treat you like that, if he behaved badly with you just let me know. say
Me: He didn't do anything to me like I told you
Robert: I would like you to know that now you have big brothers who will do anything to defend you, so you don't have to let anyone step on you, or treat you as they want
Me: they were or those big brothers when in the playground the other children pulled my hair or made fun of me because I didn't have a father, they were during my birthdays or while I was celebrating Christmas alone after years? i'm a big girl now and i know how to defend myself i don't need anyone's help
Robert: these brothers if they had learned of your existence would never have abandoned you or left to yourself, today we come a little late, but it's never too late to love or be loved in return, we are here and those forever
Me: That's not the point, why did you want to see me this morning?
Robert: I have a letter from dad for you I think it will help you a lot to understand and forgive the past
The child in me who exists to receive the letter from his daddy: really? he really wrote me a letter?
Robert handing me the letter: yes, here it is
I literally take her hands and I hasten to open it under her attentive gaze, but I change my mind, I think it would be better if I went to read it at home in complete privacy.
Me turning to him: I'd rather read it at home if you don't mind
Robert: I think that will be really the best thing to do, I would ask you only two things, the first is that you can make the effort to put your anger aside before you can read this letter even if it is not easy to do and the second is that we can see each other once you've finished reading the letter
Me nodding: okay, no problem with that
Robert kissing my forehead: take care ok?
I give him a smile in response before we separate, I hurry to join the house and be able to read this letter in peace
Alexander
This morning I woke up with the intention of going to see my little kid and talking with her in order to sort things out a bit, I don't want to waste another second, I think I'll try too to be happy and stop rotting the lives of those around me
I get up early this morning and instead of getting ready for work I put on a white polo shirt and dark blue jeans and I take a car key, I prefer to drive myself today, I plan to stay there until 'when she decides to listen to me, I'm ready to kneel down if that's what would allow us to get my wife back
When I arrive I ring the doorbell and it's his mother who opens the door
Madame Dédé giving me a look: have you finally decided to come and pick up your wife?
Me: Hello ma'am, is your daughter here?
Madame Dédé: no no she left without telling me where she was going
Me: Can I wait here?
Madame Dédé leaning to the side: if you feel like it, go ahead, sit over there on a sofa...
I enter the living room and I take my place hoping that she won't last too long or she's gone, if I call her I'm sure she won't come back, it's not good but I prefer take her by surprise
I spend a good hour there before she comes home, she is still the beautiful young lady I have always known with her tired and sad looks, it really pisses me off to see her in this state, I hope not to be the reason
Alex sighing: What are you doing here?
Me getting up: what's wrong? are you in pain? it looks like you were crying
Alex: That doesn't answer my question, what are you doing here?
Me: I wish we could have a chat together
Alex: why do it? what do you want from me ?
Me: I wish you would come home
Alex with a nervous laugh: Please, I don't have the strength this morning to talk about a sterile subject, if you are here to insult me or to play with me know that you can return from where you come from, I don't intend to move from here, I'm not going back with you just because you decided, it's not like its a relationship, a marriage without love, without communication, a marriage in which we treat you as if you were forcing love I don't want it anymore, I'm tired of talking about the same thing with you only to come back to the same point, you don't love me I understand, you want a mother for your daughter? I'll be honored to be that mother figure to her but that's it
I'm really sorry: you don't love me anymore, do you?
Alex with a nervous laugh: I wish I could tear you out of my heart so I wouldn't suffer anymore, I wish I never knew you or fell in love with you but alas, you are always present in my heart , my mind, but I'd still rather suffer than go back to this marriage, I think I've been pretty clear with you
Me: what if I told you that I was ready to change and make an effort would you be willing to come back?
Alex: Don't make me laugh, you can't love anyone, and you want to try hard to get where? force you to stay with someone who disgusts you just out of self-interest? please leave, I don't want to continue this conversation anymore
Me: I don't think I've ever hidden my attraction to you
Alex laughing harder: you see I'm not ready to have anything more than the minimum, I'm not ready to love for both of us anymore, I want to be with someone who doesn't force themselves to be with me, I want to be with someone who desires me, who is ready to face the world for me and that person is not you, I promise to involve myself a little more in Julia's life, if that is what drives you to do all this I promise you that you don't need to do all this cinema anymore I commit myself to Julia from today you can go home
Me: I'm not going to deny the fact that my daughter misses you a lot but I too have got used to your presence and I admit that I miss seeing you every morning when I wake up
Alex with his back to me: out of habit? you can leave
Me: no I don't plan to go anywhere without you
Alex: why do you want me to come back with you? just give me a good reason to come back
Me: because I want to
Alex: let me tell you you won't get what you want, get out of here, I have nothing more to say to you
She turns her back to me and takes the road to the corridor but I hold her by the arm before she leaves, I have the impression of losing her completely and that if I let her go now it will be over forever, I draws towards me before placing my lips on hers
Me looking her straight in the eye: don't you realize that I love you? can't you feel it through my caresses, my kisses? can't you see it in my eyes? Can't you feel it the way I hug you? you think I'm blind, don't you think you're just as blind as I am? don't you realize how crazy you drive me?
Alex: If you claim to love me, why did you reject me and treat me like this when I was with you? why didn't you show me that love you're shouting loud and clear right now?
Me going down in a tone: because I was overwhelmed with guilt, every time I realized how much space you were gaining in my heart, this guilt that I feel for the loss of my late wife s grow and push me to be mean to you to keep you away, I'm so sorry I hurt you so much, I'm sorry I treated you the way I did, and I'm sorry I didn't not able to tell you things but now, I am ready to live this love which floods my heart, this love which explodes in me like a volcano, I would like to have you in my arms and this for eternity
Alex snuggling in my arms: I love you so much
I hug her even tighter, it feels so good to be able to put words to certain things, it's so liberating, I feel like a huge weight has just been lifted from me. shoulder
Madame Dédé: Have you finished playing your movie there?