Chapter 23

Chapter 23
Alexander
Me: what are you doing here?
Eleanor: I would like to talk to you
Me: But why do you look so serious?
Eleanor: because what I have to tell you is of paramount importance and I would like you to listen to me carefully
Me: ok I'll listen to you then
Eleanor: I want to have this conversation with you may I'm not happy my love, you made me a promise that so far you haven't kept
Me amazed: I don't remember doing such a thing, I've always kept my promises as far as I can remember
Eleanor: I was the happiest woman around you you know? I could never have found a man like you, a man who would have loved me, raised me, pampered me like you did
Me: where did I fail then my heart?
Eleanor: You promised me to be happy, and all you did was become an insufferable person, who treats people around him badly, and makes them unhappy, when you've always been someone who brings joy around him
I can't understand what she is saying to me at the moment, I admit that I am quite lost here.
Eleanor: Do you realize that your decisions really impact our daughter? this little one who was once your reason for living today you have abandoned her, you do not take care of her as you should, you are always absent, and now you separate her from the person who is ready to love her as if she were his own
Me: but you are here sweetheart, why should I leave her to someone else, no one can take care of her like you, besides you know very well that I love my daughter more than anything
Eleanor: I don't disagree, you love her more than anything our daughter but your decisions at this time have only disappointed her and made her unhappy but she has to bear it all in silence, do you think it's fair for she ?
Me not knowing what to say: …
Eleanor: you were the best husband a woman could ever dream of, I will never be able to tell you in words how fulfilled I was by your side, but you have to move on now
Me no longer understanding what she's saying: how so? you want to leave me right?
Eleanor smiling: Sweetheart you couldn't have done anything to stop me from leaving, it was a losing battle, watching you suffer, watching you ruin everything hurts me so much, I have the impression of reliving this suffering in which I lived since mine are unhappy
Me: When did you think I was unhappy? can't you see that no woman can make me happy like you?
Eleanor: it's because you don't look right, you let yourself be blinded by the past, I beg you, let go, live this love that burns inside you, otherwise it may consume you
Me: what are you talking about?
Eleanor: I don't have much time listen carefully to what I have to tell you, this girl you are treating badly right now is the only one who could make you happy, she is your soul mate, she was created so that you are living a love story together, it was created with your rating, please do not neglect it otherwise you risk ending up unhappy both of you, because neither of you will be able to find love on her side, this woman is the only woman in the world who will be able to love and treat our daughter as if she had carried it and I believe that she showed it to you, this girl please go find her and be forgiven for everything you have done to her, make sure she comes back with you, she will be your rock and you can count on her in all the trials you will encounter, if you think that I was the love of your life is waiting and you will see what it is to live love with this woman, love her, protect her she will give you back more than a thousand times
Me: but I find it hard to understand you...
Eleanor: You will eventually understand Alexender, if you loved me just a little bit please let me go, you still hold me in this world I no longer belong to because of your actions and the preposterous decisions you take these last few days, it makes me suffer a lot to air between two worlds, for the love of God let me go, I will always watch over you from where I will be, remember everything I have just told you, live your love my heart is the only way for me to be able to rest in peace and be able to be quiet where I'm going, tell my daughter that I love her madly, if one day she feels lost or if i miss her very much she close her eyes and touch her heart i will live there i will always keep you in my heart
I'm really in shock, I'm having trouble understanding what she just said to me, but hey, I'm not contradicting her anymore, I have the impression that she's in a hurry or a truck of the kind, in addition concern that I sense in her voice prevents me from asking one more question that will make her more nervous
Me: ok I got it
Eleanor looking relieved: Thank you sweetheart, I know it all seems blurry to you right now, but you'll find some meaning in it all I promise, be happy
She gets up and gives me a kiss on the cheek before saying "wake up now"
****
Shit when I wonder I was sweating all over it was just a dream my god how is this possible it's the first time for me to experience such an intense truck I thought it only happened in books or accounts
What am I to understand by all this, does she want me to start my life over and forget her? do I have to let go of this guilt that I feel so I can invest myself in a relationship with this girl? is this the right thing to do, I'm a little lost, but the concern that I read in her eyes does not leave me, I have the impression that she is suffering from this situation whereas what I always wanted in this life was to make her happy, do I need to rethink my choices? I am aware that my daughter was quite sad about this separation with Alex but am I really in love with this girl or is it just attraction?

Alex
I turn the key in the lock as gently as possible to make less noise, but when I open the door she was sleeping there in the living room, I think she waited for me all night
Mom getting up: were you there or all night?
Me: I'm so sorry mom, I completely forgot to tell you, I'm so sorry for scaring you
Mom: Did you leave your husband so you could behave like a brothel?
Me in shock: sorry?
Mama screaming: Did you understand me correctly, was it to make a mess that you couldn't stay in your home?
Me getting angry: Guess the apple never falls far from the tree
Mom: Am I misunderstanding or are you calling me a mess?
Me: What do you call a woman who takes someone else's husband and bears him a child?
Mom Assaulting on the Couch: What the hell are you talking about my daughter
Me: That surprises you, doesn't it? the truth doesn't take the elevator like a lie but it always gets there eventually, how dare you hide from me the fact that you destroyed a home to get my dad?
Mom: how dare you judge me? what do you know about life? and who told you such nonsense?
Me: That's beside the point, why did you hide the truth from me? it's normal that they disappear overnight, he had to go back to his family since we weren't
Mom: shut up your room shut up over there, I don't allow you to pass judgment on my life
Me: How wouldn't I if you saw me spend my whole childhood feeling guilty, wondering if it was me who misbehaved, wondering why my father left me when you knew full well that he had returned to his wife's side, you deprived me of my father
Mom with contempt: if your father as you call him loved you, he would never have left, or would still have kept in touch with you, but no he preferred to disappear
Me: what tells me that it's not you who stopped him, because mom I know you and I know that you can do it, it was better for you to let me believe that it would have I could have been the cause of this estrangement, as you would have used me as you pleased
Mom: you're crazy, I could have left you in an orphanage if I wanted to, but I kept you with me, ungrateful little girl, that's how you thank me today
Me: and you expect to be awarded a Nobel Prize? it is a mother's job to care for her children, to love and cherish them, did you give me a mother's love? no, and it's your fault if I grew up without a father, if you had chosen a single man like all women at the time I would not have grown up without a father
Mom: wait until you have children and try to raise them better than me, you dare to judge me, when you had a little problem with your husband, didn't you leave leaving behind that little one you pretended to love as if she were your own? we see how great a mother you are, at least I have always stayed with you
Me: You would have left me where to send my dad that would have been better, and I know I would have been a better mother to this little one in a few months than you have been to me all my life
Mom: If you hadn't given up I could have listened to your reproaches, but now you're not even the best person to tell me what it's like to be a good mother, the next time you go to bed without warning you come and find your things outside, you have been warned, if you want to be a whore, stay away from my house...
I'm so hurt to see that she's right, that I can't stop these tears from falling, how could I leave this little one alone? how could I leave despite her begging me to stay? in the end am I the same as my mother? this mother I've been criticizing all my life, am her cue? my God…