Forty-Nine

The haughty tone in which she professed those words took me aback. My body tensed and my hands became fists. She paled, the blood flushing out of her face as her eyes widened when my demon raised his head in awareness, the need of dominating her rising in him. I would never expect those words from her. Anton’s news had already shaken me up. Now I’ve got speechless by her lack of emotions. But the worst was the painful tightness in my throat and the broken feeling that settled in my chest. In a speedy second, my hands flew to her neck again, grabbing her long hair and pulling down, so she faced me.
“On the contrary, dragă. She’s not in the past. She was with you in every step of the way, in every beating you took, in every assault you suffered, Liz was there, taking the harsh brunt with you.” My voice came out raw in a hiss, and I couldn’t hide my pained tone from her. “I can see her staring at me inside those bright lavenders of yours. She is you! Doesn’t matter if you acknowledge the fact or not.” I finished with my demon sneering at her.
“I’m not afraid of you two.” She declared in defiance, her eyes fixed on mine. She was trying hard to control her emotions, but the trembling on her lips and dilated pupils gave her up. Sliding my hand from her neck to her chest, I stopped right above her heart and felt in my palm how erratic it beat. I had to put my own emotions aside and deal with my little devil, but my lungs were so constricted that it made it hard for me to breathe. I couldn’t care less if she saw how much her words affected me.
“Are you sure, Alexandra? You should be very much afraid.” Bringing my hand back to that smooth, feminine column of her neck, I put some pressure there and her eyes bulged a little. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, and I’m sorry you had to go through all that suffering by yourself and believe me, I will never forgive myself for that mistake, but that doesn’t exclude mine, Alexandra!” I got so angry with her. We were face to face, our breaths mingling together.
“Listen to me, Vlad…” She tried to touch my face, but she couldn’t.
“No! You listen to me.” She didn’t have a choice but to look at me, since I backed her up to the wall, trapping her there. “I’m stuck in this loop, since YOU and that monk cursed me, watching you die over and over!” I yelled and punched the wall beside her head so hard it made a gigantic hole in it. She jumped in place and gave an anguished yelp. I needed the pain to dull the rage eating me from inside out. My blood spilled all over, and I’m sure I got some broken bones, but who cared. It would heal.
“Vlad, please! Stop it, you’re hurting yourself!” She cried, trying to reach for my hand.
“My only sin was to love you beyond death itself, and for what? To learn that I’m disposable to you?” then her eyes glinted, watery, desperately staring at me.
“I didn’t mean like that! Please, let me explain.”
“No! You meant every word. It was clear enough to me, Alexandra. You accept and ask for help from another, but you don’t let me help you!” The hurt in my voice was tangible. I didn’t hide from her. She needed to know. I wanted to see guilt stamped in those eyes.
“Calm down, let me explain.” She tried to reach my face, but her arms were trapped beside her body and I held her head up, meeting my eyes.
“I can’t see you die again!” I roared at her, and a sob escaped her lips when she witnessed a nerve snap in my jaw. “It’s almost six hundred years of torment. I’m tired, Alexandra! So tired!” I said with a groan, and I didn’t care anymore if I showed weakness or became an asshole to her. She needed to understand that she wasn’t disposable to me like I was to her. “And yes, Liz, I’m a coward.”
“Don’t say that, please.” Waves of regret and sadness coming from her hit me in full. Seeing her so torn and helpless crushed me, but I needed to remind myself that this Liz was cunning when she wanted to be. “I’m sorry for my choice of words. It came out the wrong way.”
“I didn’t have the courage to end my life and get out of this nightmare, because you wouldn’t have the chance to find peace. Now I see you committing the same mistakes I did. I know it will lead you to your doom, and there’s nothing I can do.” My eyes glowed pure golden. My demon wanted out. He wanted control over her. I was about to lose my mind, and I couldn’t let that happen! “You’ll make me see you die again out of stubbornness!”
“You can’t keep me hidden from everyone, just because you’re afraid of the future!” She yelled at me, shaking her head and panting. Alex was a desperate mess.
She didn’t get it! My demon roared in my head, enraged and frustrated. The pounding in my ears drove me crazy and a guttural sound escaped my throat, making her tip her head up, holding her breath. Everything around us stilled, her eyes wide, fixed on me. I had to get out of there, or I’d behave like the devil I was. My wish was to throw her on my back and lock her up into a room and lose the key. I let go of her abruptly, and she slid to the floor with a thud, while I turned on my heels, marching out.
“Vlad! Vlad! Where are you going? VLAD!” She screamed in vain for me. “Come back here, you’re hurt!” Liz stood up and ran to me, gripping on my sweater to stop me. “There’s a storm outside, please.”
“I need some air!” Inhaling sharply, I turned and had to face her begging eyes, but if I had mercy for our souls, I had to cool down. “If I stay here, I’m going to hurt you. My demon wants out. Let go of me!” I growled. Her arms fell to her sides, and she flopped to the floor as I left the warmth of the house to face the blizzard.
Once I stepped out, the storm raging outside connected with the storm going on inside me, getting worse, howling and dumping tons of snow on the ground, covering everything in its path. I let myself fall on my knees, and I screamed at the top of my lungs six hundred years of frustration, pain, and anger trapped inside my chest. The roar reverberated throughout the woods, shaking everything in its path.
The ground trembled, and the trees bent to the force of the wind gusts as I buried myself in the freezing snow. I needed the refreshing cold over my heated skin to assuage the madness taking over my mind. Everything was hazy and moving like an out-of-control train about to derail.
I belonged to another time, to another life, to the battlefields, leading my men into combat, I belonged into a sword fight with an enemy, and I belonged on top of my horse, hunting throughout the Carpathian Mountains. I didn’t belong in this era, in this world, where everything was different, easy yet so complex.
No, I didn’t belong here. I was tired of it. I had to get out of her face, otherwise, I’d regret my actions, I was about to hurt her and then the world would come to an end, because I’d burn everything down and spread terror to every corner of this planet before I finished myself.
We were at a point of no return. The game was on. The shadow that never strayed from us is much closer now. Enemies I thought dead had risen from the dead to haunt me, and from now on things would get ugly. It was up to me to make her see beyond the veil covering her eyes, the same one I once had over mine back then. The roles had inverted, just like the prophecy said…