Seventy-One

“Alex, please, care to elaborate.” His strong but gentle voice boomed in my ears, and I gave him a slight nod. I just needed a minute to gather myself.
Gosh, how could I explain? I wallowed in shame, and it was even harder to look at him; he taught me better, but in the course of my life with the Agency, sometimes I wasn’t the most ethical person in my means to achieve my goals. I worked with what I had in hand once in a while, and to drive matters worse they were not the same sins as Vlad’s, but it didn’t make them less ill.
I could say in my defense I had no recollection of my old self until a month ago, but for my sadness, I felt guiltier and dirtier by the second, and I was sure my old self would be ashamed of me, not that she was a model of virtue, far from it, she had her little sins; her memories were my own now, all of them. It was crazy how real they were. I could even recall smells, tastes, feelings, everything. I told him so many times in the past to change his ways and now I’ve done the same things I had told him not to do.
Hurting Shane wasn’t the only shameful thing I’ve done in life. My assailant got life in prison, since I wasn’t the only one he hurt, but at the time I got so angry. Who wouldn’t be? I thought what he got wasn’t enough, so I gave a few calls to make sure he had an interesting stay in jail. Was it wrong of me? Yes, but I couldn’t help myself. The same with his wife, that conniving bitch. She also got years in prison, but the woman was so insane during her trial, they sent her to a loony bin. Even though I couldn’t take pity on her, it got worse after I met all the other victims. So I had a little chat with the director of the asylum.
Anton grasped my chin and made me face him. “Dad, I don’t know why you’ve never liked him. He had been a nice man to me. He never mistreated or abused me in any way. I cared for him dearly, but with time he became more of a friend to me.” I felt my cheeks burn, looking at him. Grizzly closed himself off and stepped away as if he couldn’t bear to put his eyes on me. I didn’t understand it, but my heart sank, and for a moment I couldn’t breathe, only adding to my burden.
“My sixth sense, Alex. I’m always on edge near him.”
“I broke his heart, I knew he never fell out of his love for me, and I used that against him, leading him to believe we still had a chance just to get my way around the agency, and do what I had to do to find more about my past.” Shame crept on me, and I hid my face in his chest.
“Alex, look at me, he’s not a naïve guy. Don’t you think he knew all along you guys didn’t have any chance? A man knows when a woman doesn’t love him, and if he lets you manipulate him that way, it’s because in his twisted mind he had a plan to get you back. He doesn’t deserve your suffering.”
“Thank you, Dad. For everything.” I hugged him tight to me, and it was then my phone ping. I let go of his warmth and grabbed my phone with a wide grin playing on my lips.
“Who is it? Why do you have this evil grin on, Alex?” Dad asked, his eyes in slits full of suspicion while I wiped the tears off my face.
“Daddy dearest, just send me all the info we need.” I said, sniffling. “But unfortunately, the blood sample… I don’t have another.”
“Alex, we don’t need that. Soon you’ll understand, we need to talk.” He was too serious for my liking.
Then I turned to Grizzly by the corner, waiting for us. Something just didn’t add to the picture. “Listen, it’s too early, and I’m hungry. Why don’t you get inside, order us some breakfast, and I’ll meet you in a few? I just need some time alone with him, please?”
“Fine. Please, behave you two!” He winked at me and entered the deli.
“A penny for your thoughts.” I said to him when I got closer, but he didn’t bother to glance at me, keeping his eyes fixed on somewhere else. “What’s wrong, Grizzly?” I didn’t know what to do. He was so distant. I embraced him by the waist and rested my head on the crook of his neck, inhaling his forestry scent and relaxing against him.
“I don’t know, Liz. These…” he trailed off, signaling with his hands to all the buildings and people around. The city had already woken up and was busy around us. People coming and going, cars all over the place, noises everywhere. “All this progress, this crowd, this is not for me, I don’t belong here, I don’t belong this time around.”
“Why are you saying this now? You were happy with all the new possibilities.” The defeat in his voice got me worried. Chills spread in my veins like glacial water, freezing everything in its path, my soul in its course.
The way he held himself there, with a wary look and measuring his words, creeped me out. It felt like he was aware that something bad was going to happen, and maybe the outcome of it would not be the way we were hoping for. I’ve never seen him so somber, sullen.
“A lot of things differ this time, Liz. To start, I wasn’t there for you.” Then he stared at me, but his eyes were far away.
“I’ve never blamed you for that, and you are here now.”
“But I blame myself. I see Liz in you, the humbleness you carried within you throughout the centuries. How concerned you were with that… jerk. Just like you used to be with me back then. You wanted to give him a second chance when you know, he’s up to no good. But you’re also so different from all your other selves, so bold, independent…”
“Is that a bad thing?” I kissed his neck, squeezing him tight to me.
“No, on the contrary, I love this new side of you, but you’re not my damsel in distress anymore. You know what you want and go for it, and I’m so out of the context here.” The rise and fall of his chest as he sighed was heart-wrenching. “I don’t recognize myself anymore. I don’t know who I am, Alexandra.”
And he felt that way. I saw in his eyes how lost he was in this entire situation. Trying so hard to adapt to the new world, to cope with all the changes around him and see his ways were old ways. No one could put itself in his shoes and understand him. The sorrow in him was so deep, I didn’t know what to do, so I did the only thing I could. I cupped his face and looked straight into his eyes.
“Grizzly, I’ve never been a damsel in distress in these six hundred years, I just let you think I was.” A smirk appeared on his sinful lips. “Although, I wouldn’t mind being your damsel. About Shane, I thought I loved him a long time ago, but later I understood that my love for him wasn’t the kind to make my panties wet, he’s just a friend.” His eyes darkened, and sparks of gold scintillated in them.
“I make your panties wet, Liz?” His voice was dark and husky, his mouth was so close to mine, his cologne heightening my senses and turning my world upside down.
“You know you do, Grizzly.” I pulled him down, kissing and nibbling on his lips. “Please, don’t be so sad. I’m here and we’ll make it work. Trust me.”
“I wish we were far away from all this, at home, so I could rip your clothes off and feast on you. Make you scream who’s your master and see the desire in those lavenders, forgetting all about my ghosts, dragă.” He whispered, his warm breath bathing my neck, sending shivers down my back and a sweet pain gathering between my thighs. Although he tried to divert the situation, he wasn’t himself. His tone dripped with sorrow and defeat. He was depression speaking.
“I love when you get dirty, Grizzly.” I nipped at his earlobe, trying to cheer him up. The surrounding streets, busy and loud, with people all around, and no one paid any attention to us. We were two more individuals in a big city. He sealed his lips on mine with such tenderness, it was a pity we were in the middle of the City.
“What can I say, I’m a fast learner,” he said on my lips, making us both smile.