Fifty-One

I shivered from head to toe, and my mind was in chaos. Things got out of hand so fast I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t mean to hurt him, much less say those things. Sometimes I just didn’t have a filter. I’ve been so hurt in my entire life that I forgot I’m not the only one who has suffered. Lots of other people also deal with their own daily nightmares.
*‘Alex, why are you so distraught? What happened?’* Dad’s concerned voice got through me, and it felt so good listening to him. My knees were drawn to my chest, and I hid my head between them, weeping my eyes out. I haven’t cried in sobs, shaking the soul out of my body, since I was ten years old.
*‘Dad, we had a terrible fall out, and I just messed everything up!’* I cried to him. *‘I don’t know what to do!’* Then it came, a loud roar, the most agonizing, painful scream reverberated through the snow, forest, mountains, throughout the house, shaking it to the ground. My mind went on alert, and the waves of suffering etched so deep in that growl seeped through my pores, sticking to my soul like a second skin, piercing at my heart. The pain was unbearable. I went out of my mind, screaming with him to the point of putting my hands over my ears, trying to muffle his sorrow.
*‘Calm down, Alex. I can feel the waves of your distress down here!’
‘Hurts so bad, I… I can’t… breathe…’* I groaned in pain and gasped for air. My heart thundered out of control in my chest as I thought it would explode. It wasn’t physical pain; it was a heartache, as if someone just had squashed my heart, ripped into pieces with no mending back.
*‘Pumpkin, go to him. He blocked me out. If I can feel all this, enemies we don’t need to deal with right now will also feel it, and we don’t need them to know where you guys are. Hurry, Alex.’*
Dad sounded so apprehensive. I stood up, not even thinking straight, tripping on my own feet. The heaviness crushing down my chest made it hard to even walk. I had to get to him and eradicate that pain from his soul; it was killing mine. Opening the door at once, I almost fell back because of the strong wind, everything covered in white powder. I squinted my eyes, trying to focus, looking for him, and after a few seconds what seemed to be a pile of snow came to my sight, and I made a run for it.
***
Flashes started shooting in my mind. It was me yet not.
*“Vlad! Why do you always carry me around like a baby?”* I asked, blushing at him. No, she asked.
*“It brings me pleasure to have you in my arms, draga mea.”* Alizandra’s carefree laughter echoed in my head when he started twirling her around.
*“We’re going to fall, silly man!”*

*“Dragă, tying me to this bed gave me sinful ideas to try on you later.”* The impish glint in his eyes was enough to send her into a realm of lewd thoughts, making me flush scarlet red as I knew her thoughts. They were my thoughts.
*“You look like a hungry wolf.”* Seeing him lying on that bed, even with all the bandages, he looked sexy as the devil he was, her devil to deal with, and she loved him with all her heart. He was my devil! Mine to deal with.
*“A wolf hungry for you, my beautiful, Liz.”* The love for her was there, deep in his eyes. I felt that love expand in my soul, and for the first time I felt Liz inside me. She was there, she was Alex, and I was Liz.

*“We both know I won’t make it up there. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you… I’m sorry I said those harsh words to you...”
“Don’t close your eyes, please.”
“Promise, you won’t forget me? We’ll find each other again one day.”* The light in her eyes faded. She knew she was about to die. I was about to die.
*“Just hold on. Please! Liz, don’t you dare leave me alone in this world!”* He cried in her hair.
*“Don’t worry. You’ll never be alone, I’ll be with you, always… Don’t be mad at me, our souls are destined to be together for all eternity.”* She kissed him. Her lips were bluish against her ashen skin. Then she took her last breath. I took my last breath! I just saw myself die, but not before I watched him hold me tight to his chest and cry so hard that I was sure the entire village heard his yells of pain, just like now.
***
Memories of Alizandra invaded my mind, lots of them, all at once worsening my already chaotic state of mind. A sharp pain burnt in my back, making me gag such was the intensity of it. It was Alizandra’s suffering as she died, and more warm tears flooded my face in contrast to the cold of my skin, the echoes of her death still beating at me.
My legs gave out from underneath my body and I fell in front of him, bending over my stomach. I found him on his knees, alone, like a wounded animal, a broken man tired of his own existence. He didn’t move, and I didn’t even know if he was aware I was by his side. I dragged myself to him, and laid down my body on his thighs, and held him to me by his waist, resting my head on his stomach.
“Make it stop, please. It hurts!” I whined like an injured child. The blizzard picked up, getting worse, lashing at us, and he bent over me, keeping me in the cocoon of his firm body. “I’m sorry! You’re not disposable, I didn’t mean it. I was angry.” My head lulled by his barely there breathing and his scent invading my nostrils. Oak and pines mixed with spices, so like him. I needed that kind of comfort. Or I was going insane. “She died, I died… It hurts…” The pain was maddening.
“It will pass, draga mea.” The whisper of his choked voice made its way to my ears. “Hold on to me!” After some time under that snow and howling wind, and still cradling him to me, the pain subsided, relaxing my body. The bitter weather crept on my skin, and I raised my head to see him staring back. I touched his face, my fingers so cold against his crimson warm tears.
“It is blood…” his only response was to shut his eyes. “How many times did you go through this ordeal, Vlad?”
“Three, and I’m about to go for the fourth one…”
“Open your eyes.” I begged, shivering. I didn’t know if it had to do with the temperature or his words. But there he was, staring at my remorseful red-rimmed ones with those forest greens in a turmoil of emotions. I couldn’t even describe all of them. “No, it won’t happen again.” I burst out, looking into his eyes. I didn’t know how to explain, but I trusted my sixth sense. He had to understand that. “Say something…”
“I’ll raid havoc everywhere, I’ll bring the world down, before I go through it again, Alexandra,” he hissed between his teeth, and his eyes flashed golden in the middle of that white storm.
“Please, stand up, you’re not a man to be on your knees, Vlad. It’s killing me seeing you so torn. We can work on common ground.” I pulled myself to my knees and cupped his face. “Our souls will be together for all eternity, I know now. It won’t come to that, believe me!” I whispered to him, taking his lips with mine, exploring his warm mouth with mine in a demanding kiss, desperate to savor his taste, pulling him to me and feeling his heart beating against mine.
My tears mingled with the kiss, bringing the salty flavor to mix with the coppery one of his tears. He grabbed my hair, pulling my head back, exposing me to him. Then he enveloped me in his arms, and the kiss turned deep, brutal, and possessive.
He wanted to mark me, stake his claim on me, and I was fine with it. I sobbed in relief against his silky, sinful lips, smiling when the heaviness lifted off my chest. He kissed me again. We were mauling at each other, and we couldn’t get enough of us and the air faltered. Dizziness settled in my head, making me stagger, and I let my body weight sag against him.
“You’ve accepted and loved me when no one else did. Your eyes never passed judgment on me, only concern for my soul. You took my loneliness away.” His voice was so low, almost impossible to hear in the angry roar of the wind, but I did, and I kissed him all over the face.
Suddenly, he stood up with me in his arms, kissing me senseless, and marched back to the house, shutting the door behind him. The heat engulfed us, warming up our battered bodies, our ragged breathing coming out in gasps.
“I only got to know the true meaning of fear when you came along, and I don’t care if you’re gonna hate me or not, but know one thing... You’re mine, dragă, and you’re going to abide by my rules until death do us part.” He snarled in such a frightening, low voice. It gave me chills, leaving no room for further discussion.
“I’ve promised you once that you’d never be alone.” He tilted his head a bit, staring at me in awe.
“Liz?” My hands traveled up, settling in the back of his neck, pulling him down to me.
“Yes… yet not. Let me show you how much you mean to me, Grizzly.” I didn’t give him time to think. I captured his mouth in an intimate, feverish kiss, trying to wipe out that pain from him.