Empty heart

CAMILLA
~•~
It was safe to say I had done a bad thing, a very bad thing. But how could I say no? I did not believe anyone could say no to those bold piercing blue eyes of his. Or to the rich scent of his cologne. Or to the aura of his presence, the way it enveloped you until all you could see - even in a room of crowded people - was him.
So, I sighed and looked up at him that day, knowing I was about to make a life changing decision.
"Fine, I'll help."
And when I saw his bright blue eyes brighten even more, my heart melted on the spot. I know that I had always made a resolve to stay away from men, from people in general. The only person who had ever broken past that rule was Fredrick, and only because I met him at a young age.
But this man? The magnetic force that pulled my body and mind towards him was all shades of wrong, very wrong.
So, why did I feel unapologetic to everyone, including myself?
I got his report ready and gave it to him myself, just as he instructed.
He opened his door that morning and stuck his hand out.
It hurt that he didn't invite me in, but it was not my place to be in his room, I had to stop forgetting that.
I was here to do my job, and that was all.
I kmew he would have his meeting on Monday morning. It was impossible for me to do any other thing than think about him throughout that day. From the second I watched him slide into the backseat of his car from the window of my room, like a desperate stalker, I knew that the sight would not leave my mind for another three hours.
News flash! It lasted for the rest of the day.
Breakfast barely made it past my throat, so did lunch. Frankly, dinner was not any different.
If anything, it was worse.
His cars had returned home. I came down the stairs, just to enquire the events of the day. But, Antonio only returned with Gus briefcase, mister Ivan wasn't home yet.
To say I was worried would be a terrible understatement. I was everything, but nothing short of petrified, flabbergasted, panicked, worried, on all my fucking ten toes, and scared to the death.
What if something bad had happened?
What if everything didnt turn out as planned and he had…he had…
No. I shook my head vehemently. I did not even want to imagine the possibility, nor did I want to know why his absence affected me in this way.
Deep down, I told myself it was all because he was my patient. I knew he was not well, and I knew how he could get when things turned out badly. I did not want him to harm or hurt himself. Why else would he have asked his valet and convoy to return without him?
I continued to pace the floor of the study, the one after the entrance door. Antonio walked into the room, but lingered fee inches away from the door.
"Miss Theodore, you should go to bed, it's late."
My eyes flickered to the antique clock in the room.
Ten minutes past ten.
Great! He only suceeded in heightening my fears.
I stared down at him.
"Antonio, haven't you been able to reach him?"
"He's not answering." The man bit back, and I found myself frowning as I matched towards him. Antonio took two steps backwards.
I stood directly in front of him and corked my head up to look at him, the man was considerably tall, especially for someone his age.
He was nothing less than sixty. I couldn't figure out why a man as old as himself would decide to work for Ivan - besides the money and house - when he could be retired with grand children all around him.
"And you're just going to let him stay out like that?" I queried. He looked down at me with disregard, as though he did not owe me any explanation.
Quite frankly, he did not, but that did not matter.
"Mister Ivan is a grown man. He can return home whenever he likes." Antonio bit back.
It was obvious from the look on his face that he did not care that his boss was out of the house for this long, and on his first day of work! With no added security, no nothing.
Mister Ivan could have been anywhere!
I grit my teeth in anger.
"I don't think you understand. This is a man who…"
I stopped when we heard the entrance door creak open. With my lips still parted, I stomped out of the study, brushing past Antonio and rushing to the door, just to ensure it was him.
Antonio was right behind me.
When I stood, paralysed with shock, in front of the study door, he leaned into me.
"I told you, be careful."
His words rang in my ears and I stood there, swallowing the lump in my throat.
Mister Ivan was home alright, and so was the blonde woman in his arms with her tongue halfway down his throat. His thick hands rummaged her body, squeezing her ass hard, she giggled and unfastened the first two buttons of his shirt, all without breaking his kiss.
Antonio stood beside me in silence. When I looked up at him, his face was void of any emotion.
He was used to standing by scenes like this.
But I? I was not.
I could not believe I had spent so long worrying about him, when all the while he was with…
My squeezed the sides of my pyjamas trousers with my palms.
Why was I so angry anyway?
Yes, he had caused me to worry by going off like that, but he was back now, was my business not supposed to be over?
They broke their kiss for a split second, both man and woman turned me.
The lady stared down at me, one swift glance through my appearance, while Ivan did not so much as acknowledge my presence.
"Do not pick any of my calls tomorrow, until I am awake." He instructed and Antonio nodded.
I watched, with my heart shrinking in my chest, as mister Ivan walked up the stairs with the woman in his arms.
This wasn't jealousy.
You couldn't be jealous of someone over something you didn't want.
I didn't want mister Ivan, I could never want him, or any man at all.
All they ever did was take, take and leave you with an empty heart.
Just the same way my heart was empty as I stood alone in the hallway.