Intimacy and no sex ii
Camila's POV
Alejandro's face instantly hardens and I know he knows what I'm getting at. But then that look crosses his face. The defensive, stubborn one where all his walls are up.
It only meant one thing - he was going to say whatever he could to not have to face the truth that both of us knew.
A part of him wanted to do it, wanted me.
"I don't know what the fuck you think that was. But I don't want you." He snaps, staring down at me.
I give him a sarcastic smile. "So you go sticking your fingers in people you don't want?" I reason raising a brow and crossing my arms.
This wasn't a conversation between an intimidating man and a submissive push over.
It was an argument between two head strong bulls.
I knew what he was doing. He was being difficult and riling himself up over something that didn't need to be this much of an issue. But of course, his need to deny his true feelings trumped all rational senses.
I may not have gotten far with Alejandro in the sense of a true relationship and what we had built was beyond confusing to understand. But the one thing this strange arrangement has given me, was the ability to read him.
Alejandro Gonzalez wasn't an easy man to read. He was cold, collected and never exposed his weaknesses to anyone. Not his allies nor his enemies.
His guard was always up.
Except I had somehow been there when it wasn't. And in that short window of time he let his walls down, allowing me in, I had figured it out.
I had seen him vulnerable, emotional, and comfortable so much so that even now when his walls were up, I could tell what he was doing.
He was trying to push me away and protect himself.
The why was what I had yet to figure out.
Alejandro's jaw ticks as he shakes his head glaring at me. "Camila, get out before I say something I'm gonna regret." He bites out harshly and even though I know he's trying not to snap, it feels like a complete slap to the face.
I step forward and meet his gaze head on. I won't back down and I won't let him get to me. "You don't want me?" I intend for my voice to come out hard and condescending, not as soft and insecure as it does.
He swallows and when he hesitates for a fraction of a second, I know whatever is going to come out of his mouth is going to hurt.
It's like my subconscious is craving self sabotage for it's that moment that I let my walls down to give the man a chance.
A chance to tell the truth, a chance to repair the hurt he's already causing, a chance to stop before he damages my heart to the point of no return.
He must realise this because a twinge of regret builds in his gaze and for a split second I can see everything going on in his head. A battle between two opposing sides form and I can't tell which ones winning, that is until he speaks next. "I don't know what you want from me but you can't have it. I won't fuck you. And I certainly won't fuck a virgin."
He takes another step closer, dipping his head to catch my eye. "So get that in your head, Camila. Me and you. This." He motions between us. "Is not going to happen. Not now. Not ever." Theres no room for argument, his mind is set.
And even though I know he might not have meant for it to hurt that much, it still does. It penetrates deep, puncturing the last of my resolve.
"Fine." I bite out, starring up at him.
"Good." He bites back.
I step past him until our shoulders are side to side and we're facing opposite directions. "I'll just go and have someone else fuck me. That way I won't be your precious little virgin that can't handle you anymore." I say calmly before I start making my way towards the door.
His eerily clam voice however, stops me dead in my tracks. "You will do no such thing." My blood boils at his absolute tone. Who does he think he is?
I spin around to say something, but stop when I see the thunderous look on his face. "You're under my roof, my protection, my care. You will not be able to do anything of that sort."
The possessive answer fuels my inner brat.
My eyes narrow in protest as I send him a nasty glare, "Watch me." I spit harshly.
Yet despite my protest, I knew deep down that he had the power here and it terrifies me.
He has the rights to my money, a factor that would stop me from leaving, if I ever wanted to. Not to mention, if I tried leaving, he could very much keep me here against my will.
It's not like he had some code of ethics or a sense of morals.
And what could I do? Nothing.
Because in reality Alejandro was dangerous, powerful and I, well I was just a minor inconvience in his life.
The thought made me want to cry. I felt so helpless when it came to him. But I wouldn't let him see the true power he had over me.
Right now all I had giving me somewhat of an upper hand was the promise he made to my family. Other than that, I knew Alejandro could toss me aside in the blink of an eye.
The man wears his rage like a badge as he takes a step towards me and I brace myself for the worst. "You will not let some boy touch you. Not now, not ev-" He stops himself, and exhales a harsh breath.
If he finished his sentence, he'd practically be admitting to feeling something more for me.
But like the stubborn ass he is, he shakes his head in denial, his jaw tightens, reining in his emotions. "You won't waste your time con qualche ragazzo." (With some boy)
I scoff and glare at him. "So you don't want me and you don't want me to find someone else?" I reiterate making a show of just how ridiculous he sounds.
I see the stubborn brute hesitate and we both know in order for that logic to make sense he'd have to admit that he cares. But all he does is glare at me.
"Make up your damn mind." I make a noise of frustration. "Or don't, I don't care. It's not your life, it's mine." I lean forward, my voice rising in pitch as my glare intensifies. "If I want to find some boy - who will treat me better than you - to fuck me, then there's nothing you can do about it!"
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