Unworthy

Roman POV

We sat down in the darkness that enveloped us. It was not like anything we had ever seen, it was permeating, ever dark, ever shadowy. It almost all felt unreal, as if we stepped into a realm unseen, something made of the darkness itself. Although I was initially reluctant to have Art join me, I was grateful for his presence, for his stoic aura and his support. Still chewing on a piece of beef jerky, I set up a temporary camp. We had moved far, and I knew we did not have a lot of time, but I needed to talk to him. Events back home did not allow us a conversation, and I needed to speak to the only other man Dragana loved. I needed to come up with a plan. Just in case. Just in case I did not make it out of here, I needed to know that he would love her as she deserved to be loved. In truth, I already knew that, but somehow, my heart was heavy, and I simply needed my friend.

I knew he was restless seeing the dark waters. In truth. I was too; however, I did not want to admit it. I had a lot to atone for. The way I treated her in the past. The way I was blind to Alice’s manipulation, to whatever end she tried. The way I caged her for all these years. I owed her, I owed her everything. And if there was another monster, if there was a shadow lurking in this space, if it was coming for me, I wanted to die with peace in my heart. Peace knowing that she would be happy. We sat down under the dark willowy tree, as I quickly pulled out some water and dried meats and fruit. Art accepted it gratefully with his charismatic signature grin I had been used to since our childhood. I cared deeply for Art and found it funny in a way that we have found ourselves at crossroads, after all these years of friendship and brotherhood together. I would never have dreamed that we would be in love with the same woman. And I would never have thought that she, in turn, would love us both.

Deep in my heart I knew. Caleb knew. He had talked to Emir – our wolves knew. They may have been territorial, they may have been at odds, but strangely, they both wanted Aisha, and they both wanted to make her happy. This was not normal for our kind, especially for somebody like me – an Alpha King. Yet, Dragana surprised us after all this time. She had a way about her, a way I recognized so many years ago. I was a fool. A fool that should have acted on my feelings, a fool that should have confessed what I felt, mate bond or not. Knowing she was my mate only put the salt on my wounds, knowing she also loved him.

“So how far do you think we have?? You said the blade glowed?”, Art asked me in between the bites. I could tell he was famished as I was. Somehow, it seemed that we had not eaten in forever and we were both starved. “I do not get a full sense. I just feel a pull when I touch the blade. A pull and a glow. It is as if the Blade wants to be blessed, as if it knows where to go”, I explained what I felt. He nodded somberly. We both knew that whatever waited us on this journey was far from over, dark waters being a simple signal of things to come. “Did you talk to her??” he finally asked what I knew was in his heart. “I did. She is my mate Art… I met Aisha and….” Before I could finish, his eyes switched to those of Emir briefly and I could see pain radiate through his being. I knew it was not the answer he wanted to hear, but I did not want to lie to him. “So.. did .. did she…??” he was struggling to ask.. “I know what you will ask, but no, she did not accept me. Not fully anyway. Aisha recognized Caleb as her mate, but as you can see, my neck is as bare as hers. She is not marked and we had not mated .. She.. I do not know Art.. I know she loves you too… and her .. I love her.. you are my brother and … I do not know man.. this is all a little too much..” I said honestly, with heaviness settling inside me, battling me and baiting me like an invisible foe.

“But she is your mate?? I mean, after all these years??? You are sure???”, he asked, his voice laced with a mix of emotions I did not know how to discern. “She is Art. I do not know what type of illusion or fake bond Alice tried to push, and I do not know why I believed it, but this… This .. With Dragana… The real bond… I .. I cannot begin to explain Art. … It is.. It is as if the whole world stopped spinning when I felt her. It is as if my soul is finally complete, or it was for that very brief moment when I realized that she was mine, that she was somebody made for me… I felt it snap in the place, only….” I replied, trailing my mind off, thinking how much I would have wanted to make that bond permanent, how much I wanted to sink my teeth in her delicate neck, how much I needed her to wear my mark.

Art was watching me intently and I wanted his opinion. I wanted to share the rest of the story, but before I could continue, he started laughing. Not chuckling, laughing maniacally, like a man gone insane. His laughter was echoing this space, as if it were a chamber of sorts, carrying around me, as if it were mocking me. “Mighty Alpha King Roman”, he started speaking in between his booming laughter, his eyes flickering to that of his wolf. He stood up moving slowly toward me, as if he were stalking me. There was something about his body language, something about his overall demeanor which put Caleb on alert. “I do not like this Roman… I am sensing something…” he growled in my head, ready to come forth if necessary. “You think.. No, you WANT, everything JUST FOR YOU!! DON’T YOU, you pathetic, miserable, selfish little man???!!’, Art now growled, all pretense out of the window. I had never seen him speak like this, not to me, not to anyone. “Art???? What are you talking about???”, I asked, slowly standing up, trying to understand his sudden change in behavior and his words… His eyes were completely glossed over, as if Emir was in charge, however, I could not sense his wolf. “Caleb, call Emir… Talk to him!” I ordered my wolf, to no avail. “I cannot reach him Roman… Roman.. something is happening… I feel…. I … Something..” He was speaking, but his voice did not really sound like him. He sounded… different.. weaker somehow and I had to struggle to maintain my connection to the wolf. “Caleb, what is happening to you???”, I asked, struggling to keep our connection. “I do not know Roman, it is almost like something is pushing me away… Trying to block me…. It is.. strange Roman…” he replied weakly.

Meanwhile, Art had made it right to me, his face contorting, his chest heaving. He was clearly upset, but at the same time, there was something odd about it all. “So now that YOU WANT HER, now, after all this time, you expect EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE to simply fall in line? Simply obey whatever YOU need at any given time??? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ROMAN???? She is not YOURS – mate or no mate unless she WANTS TO BE!!!!! And, I DO NOT PLAN to let you have her!” he said, snapping his teeth and sneering at me, pointing his fingers at me, shoving me back, in fact. His words were laced with venom, he sounded downright hateful and irritated, and, by the looks of things, he was trying to pick up the fight. I did not know why such a sudden change of attitude and so much hate from the man I to date had received nothing but love and support. I did not know if he finally had enough. Perhaps this is how he truly felt, and what he thought of the whole situation. I did not know and, truth be told, as much as his words hurt me, I was trying to keep my mind on the task ahead. We were running out of time and Jasmine’s life was hanging in balance.

“Art… What are you doing??? Whatever issues you and I may have, this is neither the time nor place. Not right now… I know you love her and I do too.. But we are here for a reason. We need to… “I tried to reason with him, while he continued pushing me and snarling at me. I was still trying to reach Emir, but he was somehow lost to me and I suspected that Art had no connection to him either at that time. Something strange was happening, as I barely hung onto Caleb. Glaring and snarling at me, he continued to push me, the look in his eyes not his own, not anything I recognized anyway.

“Tsss… tsss.. shhhh.. Alpha King.. there you are again – TELLING EVERYBODY WHAT TO DO.. Does it feel good??? Do you get off on control and try to rule everything and everybody??? You are a broken man, Roman. Broken and unworthy of her!! You are unworthy of me too – unworthy of years of devotion and loyalty!! Mighty Alpha King was swayed by a little she-wolf, costing you the real MATE!! How stupid are you exactly????”, he was snarling now, pushing me with both hands. Stumbling back, I hit the willow tree. I was not fighting him or defending myself, I did not want to engage him, I did not want the battle on our hands. Something was telling me that this was not Art, but his words hurt none the less. I knew I was broken, that much was clear, and not just to me. But hearing it, from Art no less, felt as if he punched me in the gut. Why was he saying these things??? Why now???

“You are right, Art. I am unworthy.. I am broken.. But you say that I am broken, as if it was something that cannot be fixed. I can and will fix this. I will fix everything for her.. I will do anything …” I started explaining, only to be met with a cackling sound coming from him yet again… “And what makes you think that YOU CAN??? Besides, it is not like you will live to get that chance”, he growled and jumped at me, his large, muscular hands grabbing me by the throat and cutting off my ability to breathe.