Conversations (Part 1)

Roman POV

I had to tell her. I had to tell her everything and pray she forgives me, pray and hope she understands. I did not know what I expected, and in truth, if I had any rights to set any expectations. I was cruel to her. She had come back to me engaged, practically married to somebody else, after I chased her off and called her useless, after I hurt her, demeaned her, locked her away from the world, from the emotions, and from myself for the last ten years. I knew she was kind, hell, everybody in the pack knew of her devotion and kind heart. But, the years of torment, of treating her as if she were nothing, as if she meant nothing to me, when the truth was very far from that. I still remember that day, the day I thought I lost her, the day my whole world came crashing down. I had just lost my mother and baby brother a year before, I was still hurting from it, and if I was to be honest with myself, I do not think that I had ever overcome the pain of their loss.

Seeing Dragana’s lifeless body, her pulse gone, her heart not beating, broke me. Broke me in so many different ways, yet so utterly, so completely, broke me from inside out in a way I never understood. I hated that feeling, it made me weak and scared. And that is something I would not show, something I would not allow. I would not show weakness or fear, not to her, not to anyone! I was born to be a King, and kings are not weak.

Regardless, I had to talk to her. I could not leave without at least telling her my side of the story. So, I made sure she would invite me in – I brought her a dinner and some flowers from the meadow that she liked. Putting on my charm, I knew she was onto me, but I had no other choice. Welcoming me, she insisted on the meal together, and in truth, it was probably the best approach to the situation. Being close to her, her scent around me was driving both Caleb and I crazy, as all I wanted to do was kiss her and burry my face at the crook of her neck. I wanted to hold her, trail the kisses over her body, undress her slowly and make her mine in every way. Alice became an afterthought the moment Dragana was back, and even though I had given my word on the marriage, none of that mattered any more.

Servants brought more food and set up a table in her dining area, a small but cozy sitting room overlooking the plush gardens. We ate in silence, tension palpable, and the whole situation a bit strange. “I wanted to thank you again, for agreeing to go to Yamuna River. I know that the journey can be perilous….” she spoke softly, her eyes sparkling with gratefulness. “Lady Jasmine is King Malakai’s daughter. We are allied with them and it is my duty to help if possible”, I said dismissively. She just nodded, not replying. “Smooth, very smooth Roman. She is not a moron, you know. She knows you could have sent your father with the warriors, he offered. Why don’t you admit that you are doing this for her?”, Caleb decided to remind me, yet again, of my shortcomings. I knew I should not have been as dismissive to her, but I was nervous. I took a sip of wine to aid me in my courage, as I sat across from her, looking up occasionally, but not making eye contact. The natural light that came from the window fell on her beautiful features softly, basking her in an almost golden glow. It was soft yet alluring and just added to her natural beauty. I felt as if my heart was stuck in my throat.

“Dragana… about earlier… “, I said, trying to find the correct words. She looked up and our eyes met. There was no blame or anger in them – they sparkled like a silver moon, pulling me into her, drawing me closer with one glance. “Alice.. she was out of the line… I .. I am sorry about her words… That was not fair to you”, I started to say. “Roman… It is perfectly understandable. Her reaction, I mean. While I did not particularly enjoy being on the receiving end of it, I can imagine her pain and anger when she saw another woman being kissed by her mate”, she responded, emphasizing the word mate. “I do not know how I would react if the situation was reversed… It is..” she continued.. “I would NEVER do that to you!”, I said raising my voice, realizing what I just said.

“To me???? Roman? I apologize if I was somehow unclear or if I have led you on. You and I … I mean…” Before she could finish it, I jumped out of my seat and ran towards her. I kneeled in front of her, gently cupping her face. “DON’T… Please… DON’T SAY IT”, I said pleadingly. She looked surprised by my outburst, but she did not move, or remove my hands. “Dragana… I know what you must think… I do not deserve you or your time or even a chance to explain. But I have to. I have to tell you.. Please!!!” I asked frantically now, my eyes locked on hers. Her breathing and her pulse accelerated and even though she was not looking like my touch or words impacted her, I could tell they were both starting to have an effect. Her soft skin was burning under my touch and I felt as if I had touched a live wire. The energy and atmosphere between us changed, and my own heart started racing. Her scent was hitting me in every way, exciting me and encouraging me, calling to me as a beacon. I did not know what this was, but if this was not a mate pull, I did not know what is. I had never felt anything like this with anyone else.. only with her.. And I knew she felt it too. “Do you feel this?”, I asked, my eyes burning into hers. She swallowed hard, trying to cast her eyes down, trying to avoid my eyes. I gently pushed her head up, locking her eyes on mine again. “Roman, I do not know what this is and what you are talking about exactly, but no, I do not feel….” I did not let her finish. I could not. I pulled her to me and kissed her, kissed her like a drowning man, holding onto her for dear life. I kissed her so hard and deeply, that for a moment I thought my heart would burst.