Never Enough

Beta Artemis POV

As we sat by the willowy tree in the ever-encompassing darkness, I started to feel…. Well… different, would be the best explanation. There was something here… Something an eye could not see, something that devoured your very soul. Emir whimpered, and this was strange – my wolf was a warrior, unfazed by anything. Roman was chewing on his food, looking at me strangely, his eyes flickering between him and Caleb, something happening, something he did not share. “Can you reach Caleb?”, I asked Emir and the definite answer was no. Our wolves could not communicate to one another and that was a huge red flag! I did not know what was happening. The darkness around us started moving and through the shadows I heard her voice… Faint at first, but then I felt her. I felt her calling to me, I felt her presence, her scent, her ever-present light… I opened my eyes, and there she stood before me, my beautiful Dragana, smiling at me, in flesh.

It had only been moments since we left the pack, since I kissed her under the blue-blooming tree, yet somehow the image of her captivated me, captured my soul in a way I did not know was possible. I thought she already had my heart, but seeing her here, on the banks of Yamuna river, something was different. It felt… It felt like something more.. The power of her presence, the smile on her plump lips, her silver eyes beaming at me. I was a man lost, man falling in love yet again, all over. I stood there frozen, somehow unable to move, forgetting for that moment in time where we were, the way Roman was acting, forgetting everything, even my own very name. Nothing but her mattered. How was she here? It must have been magic, or something like it, but at this point, I did not care. She was here. And she was smiling at ME!

My heart swelled and I forgot the journey. I forgot the peril we were under. I forgot everything, but the image of her, in her pale blue dress, glimmering like moonlight under the starless sky, in the darkness we found ourselves in. She was bursting like a beacon of light, her true self coming forward, beautiful, etheric, and mine. “Dragana”, I managed but a whisper, and she smiled at me, her eyes flickering, shining like the moon itself. “You came????” I said haphazardly not even recognizing my own voice. Emir stirred, but he was weak.

“Of course I came.. I am here” her melodic voice spoke, as crystal bells chiming in the echo of the void of this place. I moved quickly, my only desire to embrace her, to feel her smooth soft skin on mine, to hold her in my arms, to kiss her lips and inhale her scent. I did not realize just how much I had missed her. Goddess, I loved that woman!!! Before I could do that, an energy surged from her, somewhat of a block… As if she blocked my advances, as if she somehow put herself in a type of bubble of some kind… I did not understand… Why would she do that??? Was she here to see me after all? What was happening?

A sound of laughter came from her, but unlike her normal, melodic soft singing voice, this laughter sounded shrill… It was something different, something I did not recognize… It was her face, her sweet mouth, yet the sound coming from her…. It did not sound like her… “Art… my silly, little man Art”, she spoke… She never called me that way and the mockery of my name, the pet name she never used, immediately got my attention. Something was wrong – my whole being was screaming - something was wrong, but my mind was in the battle with my heart. My heart was leaping out of my chest, my soul was driving me to her, and all I was focused on was the fact that she was here… “Sooooo… Art…. You love me???”, she said, walking slowly towards me, yet, somehow, I was till unable to break the barrier between us. I stood as I were grounded on the spot, despite my whole being wanting to lurch and leap forward.

“You know I do.. Of course I do… I.. I love you…” I started saying. And there it was… Again.. That shrill voice, that shrill sound of laughter I did not recognize. “Ah.. love… Art.. Art… Art… Tsks Tsk… Do you even know what love is???”, she asked, now as close to me as a mirror - I could see the irises of her beautiful eyes. As always, I counted stars in her eyes, the silver speckles of the round moving as the liquid water covered in diamond dust. I lost myself in her eyes so many times, and now it was no different. I gulped and swallowed hard, my heart beating, my palms starting to sweat. My need for her, my need to touch her, to feel her, was somehow magnified 10 fold.. It was a different feeling from before, yet the feeling that borrowed on the fact that my soul belonged to her and her alone.

“Love…. Love is a trap… People and creatures alike speak of it often pretending they understand, thinking they know what it truly is. One truth they speak though, one thing which I agree with – the only love that matters is that of a family…. And you, my dearest silly man, are NOT MY FAMILY!”, she said, emphasizing her last words which sliced through me like a silver blade. I had no idea what came over her, why she was acting this way. What was she saying??? “Dragana… We grew up together… I know we are not a family… YET… But if you allow me.. If you let me love you.. If you allow me the privilege of your trust and of your heart… I.. I will”.. I replied, only to be met, yet again, with shrill, cackling laughter.

“Dragana????!!!!” I screamed, trying to break through the laughter, through the words she spoke which came from nowhere. At this point, as she had made her way to me, she started circling me as if she were stalking a prey, her eyes flickering in the way I had never seen. The love and peace I often saw in them was gone. There was something different shining through them, something more primal and raw, something dangerous and wicked. Who was she???? “You are not Dragana…” I finally spoke, the realization dawning on me… “You are not her!! You must be.. a mirage… something sinister!! A demon of some kind!!!”, I yelled, trying to catch my senses, trying to steel my resolve and keep my mind focused. Something was off and even though this was Dragana, or something or somebody that looked like her, smelled like her, moved like her… In my heart, I knew that this was not her…

“Emir… Can you call Aisha… Can you please try… Can you reach her… Emir….. Emir???“ I pleaded, panicking with my wolf, trying to find the sense of security in that. I was met with a deafening silence.. He was nor responding… I could not feel him.. Silence that was scary, uncomfortable … the empty silence of my soul which stood there as an empty chamber of a space where the Emir was once. A cold shiver went down my spine and chilled me to my very core. “A demon you say???/”, she cackled again, her eyes locked on mine as if I were the meal she was about to devour. “Tsk… Tsks.. Tsk… silly little Beta Art…You do not understand. My own mind is my own demon, a demon that plagues me, haunts me in my dreams. I am not what you think me to be… Be that as it may, some things are crystal clear Art… My mind does not want you! I do not want you!!! Who are you after all??? What are you??? A man willing to betray his life-long friend??? And besides - who do you think you are - you do not compare with Alpha King – a man of raw power and sexuality!!!!! Roman is perfect.. And he is perfect for me!!! Lets face it BETA…. You will never measure up!!!! Why would I EVER CHOSE YOU???? Why would I debase myself when I can choose him, and be the Luna Queen!!!!!” she said, her words opening something within me, something I did not even realize was there.

I was at a loss with what I was hearing. She spoke my very pain into existence. Her cruel words hit my heart’s biggest fears, fears that chased my nightmares, harrowed my dreams. From the moment I realized she loved Roman too, I always worried, and in fact, was petrified that I would never be the man he was in her eyes.

And in this dark place, at that moment, under the moonless sky, where, listening to Dragana I found my soul was dying, she confirmed my very worst fear. I would not measure up. Not now, not ever. And I would never be enough.