Conversations (Part 2)

Dragana POV

My mind was spinning and I did not know what to think. His lips were soft, warm, and commanding and I ached for him. I ached for him to kiss me, to hold me.. I gave him access and kissed him back, my willpower to fight him gone in an instant, my body having a mind of its own. Aisha was purring in my head wanting to come out and claim her mate, and I had to do my best to restrain her. His hands travelled slowly over my breast, squeezing me gently, while my nipples became hard and erect, my desire for him starting to burn my whole body in the process. I was getting very wet and the scent of my arousal was hitting him, that much I could tell, as I felt Caleb try to come forward. He was moaning and grunting into the kisses. When he kissed my neck, the marking spot, I almost came undone. “Roman…. please… Roman… “I moaned involuntarily.

After what seemed like forever, he finally stopped kissing me, but was not letting go. He was holding me close to him, close to his chest, and I could hear the pounding of his heart. I could see he was restraining himself. “I always end up apologizing Dragana… I cannot seem to control myself around you… it becomes harder every time”, he continued, putting his face in the crook of my neck, inhaling my scent. I knew he was my mate, so of course, that made sense to me. However, he did not know that and I could imagine the whole situation was driving him crazy. “When my mother died… “he started talking, his head now resting on my chest, his strong muscular arms holding me. I ran my fingers through his now messy hair, trying to soothe him, as I knew how much the passing of his little brother and his mother affected him.

“I .. I decided to never experience that kind of a pain again. I … I decided not to love. Fated mate was all I wanted as the decision would be out of my hands, it would not be love of choice. I would be fulfilling the Goddess' wishes. I believe that when you love somebody, and they in turn love you back, you become uniquely vulnerable. To them, and to everybody else. Now, you essentially have a weak spot, and that person, their hurt, their death, holds the power over you, power so strong and so complete. You lose yourself in it and I never wanted or could afford to allow myself that”, he, but whispered.

“That night, the night at the lake”, he cleared his throat, struggling to talk, but not moving away from me. I was trying to calm him down as much as I could, but I felt that he needed to say this, to get it off his chest. And somehow, I knew if he had not done it now, he never would. “When I thought you died Dragana.. when I thought I lost you… I realized just how much you meant to me”, he said, lifting his head up, looking directly into mine, tears forming within them. “I could not afford that. I could not afford to allow you or my love for you to break me. You were not my fate… So … So I shut you off. I forbade everybody else to love you too… I thought, maybe that distance, maybe that type of situation would cause you to hate me.. Maybe I would be able to stop thinking about you…” he explained, and I was flabbergasted. I did not realize he demanded that type of behavior from everyone, but I do recall people growing distant, detached from me. All but Art and Alpha King Jonathan. I remember feeling like an outcast, like I did not belong, and always wondering what I had done wrong. I lay alone in my room many nights missing my friends, missing my mother, feeling lonely and unloved, feeling like a bird in a gilded cage, provided for, but uncared, able to fly, but caged from doing so.

All those memories started flooding back. In the past, there was always a gaping hole, a pain in my soul when I thought of my life here. I felt like a prisoner. However, right now, right this second, strangely, I felt at peace, I felt like the puzzle had been completed. I was not sure if I were ready to forgive him, but I decided to perhaps listen and at least allow myself and him some space, a moment to heal. “You love me?”, was the question I had to ask, however. He nodded, and then kissed me again, this time gently, brushing my lips with his, caressing my face with one of his hands while the other gripped me strongly around my waist. “I love you… worship you… worship the ground you walk on… I do not know how to define this feeling.. the way my body and soul seek you out, in my dreams and in my waking life… Ever since that day .. when you left with Jasmine.. I have not been able to sleep.. I have even had dreams of my mother…” he said, slowly kissing me in between the words. “Yet you want to marry Alice?”, I grunted back, my jealousy finally riling up his ugly head.

“I thought she was my mate Dragana… And.. you were gone… I thought I was finally doing a good thing.. I thought I was finally doing something right for you, even though Jasmine tricked me into it”, he confessed. “I thought that I did not have the right to stand in between you and Art if you should chose him.. or if you should find a mate and be happy, somewhere… away from me… away from all the pain I caused you....”, he further clarified, his words sending shivers down my spine. “We should not lie to mate”, Aisha decided to remind me of the fact that indeed we were lying to him. “You had given your word Roman…. and I do not understand.. how could you think she is a mate??? You are an Alpha King, of all the wolves, you should know???”, I inquired, fully knowing what a hypocrite I was to even ask. I had to be sure. He was saying everything I ever wanted to hear.. All the right things. And if he had shared this before I found out that I am in love with Art too, my answers would likely be different. Feeling his hot breath on me, his desire for me only fueled my own, and I was finding it harder and harder to resist him.

“I never thought I would set my eyes on you again, Dragana… And the pack was happy. I did see my mate, by the spring in the forest, the night you were attacked… remember???” I remembered only too well. I knew he had seen Aisha. “They were so happy! For the first time, in a long time, life was back, possibilities, children in my future …. And .. you were gone… I could not love you… It was not easy to let you go, but it was harder to love you at that time…” he deadpanned. “So, I … I do want to apologize….. Dragana if I could change the past, I would… I would love you even if my heart would break and you chose Art as your mate.. I am not expecting you to forgive me easily, but I also know, or so your body tells me, that I am not completely alone in my feelings.. I can tell you feel something too, despite your claims..”, he said, looking at me for reaction of any kind, a small smile dancing on his lips.

I knew I had to say something. But what?