Chapter twenty

Chapter twenty - Behind those walls

"Once upon a time... That's how all fairytales begin. Right?"

[K A T O]

I am free. I feel like I am. I think I am.
But is that the truth?
Is that really what I want or even more, what I truly need?
If this kind of freedom worth the pain someone else is forced to go through?
My mom used to say: "Kato if you want true love, you will have to go through some pain. But it's worth it, keep your head up and mind clear, let your heart chose the right way for you".

It's amazing to have such a supportive parent, to the level, where a person doesn't care about me possibly going against the last bits of common sense left, all in the name of happiness.


I'm free, yet I'm caged. Caged in my mind, literally eating me up from the inside. Whatever I do, wherever I go or at whomever I look - there's always Lukas. I see and feel him everywhere.

I can't get him out of my mind and it's pissing me off, it's making me feel weak, because no matter how much I wish it would end the moment I rejected him, it didn't.

Sometimes I have a feeling that he's near, sometimes I feel like someone's watching over me, creeping in the shadows. It's my stupid imagination, my brain, and heartache playing tricks on me.

But he doesn't want me.
He doesn't need me.
He did it all to avoid the possibility of starting a war between Vampires and wolves. He wouldn't give a damn about my death, we are strangers to each other after all.
I am a girl, he saved years ago.
And he is someone, who left a mark on my neck, to protect.
We were nothing and it'll stay that way. Even if we were meant to be, he still holds little to none interest in me.
So why am I so upset about it?
Why?

I turned the next page in the book, I was reading for the whole night. It's about Vampires, their history and culture.
Alright, maybe there's a little bit of information about beloveds, but that is not as important.

A sudden knock on my door brought me back to the present.

"Come in", I called out, trying to hide the enormous book under my bed.

"Sweetheart, why are you on the floor?", my dad chuckled in amusement as he entered my room.

"Trying to reach for my heels. You know, girls", I giggled nervously, pushing the book further away.

Don't get me wrong, I love and trust my dad, but he will be utterly upset if he will find out that I miss Luke. That I'm trying to find out anything about him and past of his ancestors.

"More like trying to hide something. You do not own a single pair of heels, Kato", he stated, sitting down on my bed. Dad held an intense gaze on me, it felt like he was burning holes in my back.

I have to thank Jamey later on because his shopping obsession just saved me from explaining a lot more than I would be willing to.

"Found them", I squirmed, faking excitement, and reached for pair of black heels. When I stood up, I held them in front of dads face and grinned widely. His facial expression was priceless. No, it was one in a lifetime kind of look.

"Well, I'll be damned", he whispered.

"Is there something you wanted to talk about?", I threw the pair of hells away and sat down, next to him.
He was tense, but not his regular "I have a lot of jobs to do" tense.
Alphas are usually really serious and don't joke around, but this time he gave off this vibe of jumping head first all in business.

"Yes, there is something I'd like to discuss with you. A pretty important matter. A really important one", he faced me. Dad looked worried, serious, yet upset.
I'm wondering did he noticed the book.
Maybe he's worried about my sanity now? Imagine his reaction if I'd tell him that I want to talk to Lukas, for example. He is an Alpha and I am his daughter. Clean bloodline werewolf suddenly interested in Vampire hybrid. That might make him go livid.

"I'm all ears", I straightened my back, taking in a deep breath. Whatever he has to say, I'm ready for it. I'm ready to face any obstacle in my way, no matter how hard or difficult it might be. I am strong, I have been trained for years for anything I would have to do. Hell, I even learned how to cook, just in case my help is needed.

"We held a meeting. Council has approved your decision. You will not stand in the line for the Alpha title. The only way they might force you to accept it is if I won't be able to lead the pack before your brother turns eighteen. In cases of sudden death or serious illness, I would say", he placed his hand on my shoulder and gently squeezed it, reassuring me that everything is going to be alright now.

I let out the breath, I didn't know I was holding. This was grand.
I am no good for Alpha title, especially now, when my mind has been occupied with someone, who doesn't want me. When I turn out to he mateless freak among all happy couples.

"Thank you, dad, this means the world to me", I smiled at him, making sure my smile won't look forced or suspicious. He has to think that I am happy, that everything is how it's supposed to be.

But I'm not...
I'm not happy, I'm not fine.
I want to cry and scream until there is no more oxygen left in my lungs, no more tears to cry.
I want to find him and punch him straight in the face.
I want to yell at him and ask why did he. Why did he ask for me to reject him, in exchange for information? He knew I would. He knew I wanted to know and I'd do anything to find out the truth. He used my curiosity against me.
But was this really what he wanted? What did he need?
What if he wanted to be with me? What if he did this because of some secret motives he had? What if he's hurting now?
And if he is... I can't feel it, because we broke the mate bond.
None of us will be the same ever again.

"What's on your mind?", Dad suddenly asked, once again dragging me out of my thoughts, back to the reality.

"Nothing much, some small issues like school and training. Trying to take things slow, you know", I scratched the back of my head. I didn't catch his question, to be honest.
I can't believe how distracted I am lately. This is getting out of hand.

"And Lukas", dad added, smiling unusually gently at me. He had this weird spark in his eyes, the one I kept noticing whenever he looked at mom. The whole mate thing was really important to him, to mom also. They always looked at each other with such love and longingness, it feels surreal sometimes.

"Maybe?", I questioned him. It's called "testing the waters". If his reaction will be calm, we might talk. If he will flip out, I will shut up, easy as that.

He nodded his head and looked away from me, clenching his jaw.

"I never thought that I would say something like this. Let alone to my daughter", he spoke gently, letting a deep sigh escape his lips soon after.
I sat there quiet, afraid to interrupt whatever he had to say.
"Follow your heart. Don't think. Just do whatever makes you feel the way you want to feel. Dare to love. Dare to experience new things and feelings. Let him... Let him closer. Goddess, I sound like your mother now", he cleared his throat.
"What I was trying to say is that you should return that book to the library tomorrow, make sure you get all the information you feel like is important. I'll see you later, now I have some work to do", he leaned closer and gently kissed the top of my head. Without anything else said, he left my room and closed the door behind him.

How in the hell was he so calm?
I rejected the man, who was supposed to be by my side, I was supposed to stay by his, yet I simply rejected him.
I thought dad would be angry.
I thought he would be angry to find out about my little research, after everything that has happened.
But he's not?

No, screw this, I need a long, long bath. In situations as such, the best idea is to put the mind and body at ease. I need a break. I need to calm down and deal with the situation as any grown person would. I have to be responsible, not only for myself but for him also.