chapter 38

Matthias POV

My mind wandered back to Josie.

''Matthias?'' She questions.

I choked the words out of my mouth, slowly. ''How... far... are... you?''

''A week, I'd assume since you know the honeymoon and all.''

Silence took over me and I stood still. I did not want to have this conversation with her, but her eyes held me.

''Baby, please say something. If it bothers you, we can talk about it.''

I stood silent again.

''Matthias, you're not a playboy, you're not reckless like everyone says you are. You've changed, so much which draws me to fall in love with you. Sure you had your snappy moments but that's only because you care about me. I appreciate everything you do for me, I do.''

She places her hands on my chest, comforting me, making sure that I was okay.

I wanted to run. I wanted to hide. Her words carried a weight that I did not know if I could carry. I knew what she was telling me. Her words permeated my bones.

''I just.... need... some.. space,'' I choked again.

''Wh-why?''

''Um, I need to think about it, Josie.''

''But--''

''Please,'' I chided which made her jolt in fear."I'm sorry." Suddenly everything was more complicated than it should have been. "I was caught off guard."

Josie nodded her head and the sternness left her eyes. "I understand. Goodnight,'' she turns her back to me and walks away to the bedroom.

"Josie!" I exclaimed and she ignores me. Shit,'' I whispered.

∞

The next day was a flurry of activity. I walked into the office feeling the smile that drew curious glances from my employees, and it would have easily carried me through the day were it not for Josie.

''Mr.Lekas,'' Eugene said, ''I want to let you know that Josie left the office earlier. She wasn't feeling well.''

Yeah, I know why.

''Thank you, Eugene but you don't need to tell me that, I already know,'' I lied through my teeth.

He sighed. ''Oh, okay. Mr.Bernard is here he's in your office right now.'' He offered me a kind smile. ''You can go in if you like?''

"Thank you." I turned from him to the elevator doors and pressed the upward button. Eugene looked up and seeing me, smiled. My nervousness grew as I closed the doors right in front of me.

By the time I made it my office, Bernard was there sitting down with one leg crossed over his thigh and reading a newspaper from the coffee table.

He sensed something was wrong and I saw a worried crease from his brow.

"Matthias, what's the matter?" I stood and walked around my desk.

I walked forward and stopped at one of the oversized chairs, placing my hands on its back and using it to keep myself steady. I met his eyes and felt some of the nervousness ease. The worry that I saw there outstripped anything that I had to say.

''Uhh, yesterday was.. unexpected,'' I chuckled nervously. ''I just have to, you know... to adjust.''

''Ahh, I understand, everything will be fine.'' I sat on my chair and nod my head quickly, agreeing to what he said.

Bernard and I begin with our conversation about his retirement. I tried to recall it word for word. Though I knew I missed one or two points, the meaning of what Bernard had said, the implication was as clear to me.

''I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner,'' he said, referring to his retirement.

''No, Bernard. You're good if anything I'm glad that you are doing it. You did a lot in your time, especially being there for me when my father passed.''

''Oh, son. You are the main reason that keeps me going, I'm glad that we've built on our relationship.''

''Me too.''

He stood up and shook his hands with me. As I escorted Bernard out of the office, Maya zoomed inside without a welcoming.

''Uhh?'' I questioned as she stood there with her arms crossed.

I took a step closer to her and she slaps me across the face. ''Jesus! Maya! What the fuck!''

''That's for hurting my girl Josie.''

''Josie? What the fu— huh?"

''Should I slap you again to make you remember? Or you're just too busy being a fucking asshole?''

''Wh... what the hell?! I barked, closing the door behind me. ''You just barged in here without any supervision?!''

''Your wife's visitation's list is under my name... so yeah I came here without anyone's permission.''

''Why?'' I chided.

''Jesus, dummy.'' She heaves a rough sigh. ''Josie."

''Yeah, I know. You said her name already."

''She told me what you said.''

I heaved a sigh and ran my hand through my hair with frustration. Great.

''Maya, it's not what you think.''

''Really? Cause what I'm hearing is that you're too good to be responsible for Josie's pregnancy.''

''I'd never said that.''

''Kinda does.''

''Jesus fucking---''

''--Watch your fucking mouth.''

''Okay fine, you want to know why I said I want some space, that I need to think about it?''

''Yeah, I'm waiting on that.''

''I don't know Maya, I-- I don't... I don't think I'm capable of being a father."

She arched her brow "What do you mean?"

"My entire life, I've always been to myself. I enjoyed being by myself, then Josie came and changed everything. I wanted to change for her only, to prove my love to her. I just never thought I could see myself being in that position.''

''So why couldn't you just tell her.''

''Afraid.''

''Of what?''

''I have no fu... no idea, alright. It's just some random fear.'' I glanced at the little clock on the corner of my laptop screen. It was almost five.

''Look, Matthias, Josie is my best friend. She's been through so much that you don't even know of. Right now, she could use some support from you. No one said that raising a child is going to be easy. As long as you have each other and work things out it's going to be okay.''

I sighed. "Yeah, okay,'' I whispered.

"Talk to her. I'm serious, I don't want her heart to be broken again. You need to tell her to know or else I'll make your life miserable."

"Okay, alright. I'll talk to Josie."