chapter 39

Matthias POV

It had been a few days since I'd seen Josie, and I was surprised at how much I missed her. We'd both had a busy past few days and had only had a few brief phone conversations.

For me, I was closing down a business on Bernard's behalf and also having small meetings of the updates on the stock markets over in China. For Josie, it was obviously about her pregnancy. She was in and out of work, taking time off from her pains, dizziness, and nausea.
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Luckily I had Shirley taking care of Josie while I was at work. And sometimes, Maya comes to check up on her.

∞

I opened the door slowly and as usual, Josie met me at the door.

"Hi," she said with a friendly smile.

"Hi," I replied with a small smile.

"Why did you leave this morning?" she asked.

"I thought you'd want me to," I said.

"Really?" she asked, her eyes studying mine, demanding honesty.

"I was afraid you'd want me to leave," I admitted. Josie lifted her hands to cup my face, tilting my chin up to her.

"I didn't. I wanted you to stay."

"Oh," I whispered, and she pressed her lips on mine.

''How was your workout?'' She asked while I took off my shirt.

''Mhm, it was alright.'' I sighed and turned to her. I put my hands on her shoulders and rubbed them up and down.

"Are you okay?" She asked me.

I nodded. "Can we talk for a minute?" I asked.

"Sure."

She grabbed my hand and led me to her side of the bed. I sat down, worried about what I wanted to say. I was expecting the worst.

''Josie, I'm sorry. I..,'' choking up my words, I gulped down the lump in my throat. ''I'm scared.''

"Does that freak you out? Having a child?" she asked.

I shook my head. "No. I mean, yes, but not like you think.''

''What is it, baby? Tell me.''

I reached my hand out to gently touch her face. ''I don't think I'm capable of being a father. Baby, I'm so scared. I never had the ''talk'' with my dad let alone experience being with kids. It's just something that never crosses my mind.''

''Is that why you needed some time?''

I nodded.

''Honey, you have me. We have each other. If it makes you feel any better I'm scared too.''

''Really?''

''Yeah,'' she said in a whisper. ''I know I should've told you this sooner my whole life, I was raised with Maya's mom. Her mom and my mom used to work together at a nursery home. My mom was a single mom and she passed away from cancer, since then Maya's mom took me under her wing and I've been with her since then.''

''I've been through so much in my life, being with Michael, dealing the breaking up, having to be with you and all. It was a lot for me. But, I never had a doubt in mind that I wasn't grateful for all of this, it taught me so much.

"You're the first man I've ever felt like this with. You make me feel safe,'' she said, with a small smile.

Her hand still in mine, I turned to look at her. "You're sure?"

She looked at me. "I'm sure."

''Baby, I don't want to mess up,'' I said. ''I don't want to be the fucked-up father like my own. I want to love, flourish, give our child validation.''

''We will love, it's a team effort.''

I let out a laugh. ''Yeah.''

''What?'' She smiles.

''You sounded like my mother for a second.''

''What was she like?'' She blurted. ''Sorry,'' she responded quickly.

''No, it's okay.'' I sighed as she rubs her left hand gently on my jawline. ''She was beautiful, so beautiful. Patience yet grounded at the same time,'' I softly chuckled. ''She was pure and kind, my mom was my best friend.''

''She died of cancer.''

''Matthias,'' she kneels to my level. ''I'm sorry about that.''

''I... just... get scared, you know?''

''But you don't have to be. You're not alone on this one, we have each other.''

''I know,'' I whispered.

''Matthias look at me,'' she said and I obeyed. ''I love you, and I don't think I can't stop loving you because I do. But, I don't want you to be afraid, okay? I'm here for you, only for you.''

Tears flooded like the waters rushing down from my eyes and down to my chin. Her eyes sympathize with mine as if she were to cry with me.

She said standing up and place my head on her lower stomach. ''Promise me, always and forever?''

''I promise,'' I whispered. ''Always and forever.''