Chapter 23 Grayce

Amazing, isn’t it, how quickly a date can go to shit? I knew it from the moment Gary came over and introduced himself the night would be a disaster, but I went along with it anyway, mostly because I had no interest in showing Jaxon what a loser I was when it came to dating. He was so good at flaunting his one-night-stands in my face, and everyone else’s face, that I had no problem putting on my best smile and walking out the door with this kid. Although I had no intention of taking my pants off for this guy, he, for some reason, had different plans.
“Your ex-boyfriend says you’re a wildcat in bed,” Gary said as we walked across the campus lawn. It was dark. The sky was lit only by the moon and streetlamps around us. He’d asked me to his place earlier, but I’d turned him down, making some excuse that I wanted to see the night sky. I knew his intentions, though, and I was counting down the moments until this stupid “date” was over.
“That’s wildly inappropriate,” I said, clearing my throat. Gary laughed, but I wasn’t trying to be funny.
“Well?” he asked. “Are you?”
“Am I what?”
“A wildcat in bed.”
“You may never know,” I said, and flashed my warmest smile at him. As if on cue, Gary’s arm dropped from around my shoulder. He tried to make it seem like he was checking his phone, but I knew he was completely turned off. It felt good this time because, for once, turning a guy off had been my intention and not just a freak accident.
“Let me guess,” I said, as he slowed his gait drastically. “You have an emergency to get to, and we need to cut the night short.”
“Oh, I um . . .” Gary cleared his throat and pretended to look carefully at his phone. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “My mom needs me. I’ll call you, yeah?”
“Preferably not,” I said, but there was a good chance he didn’t hear me as he turned and hurried away, leaving me standing by myself in the middle of the barren football field. I stood there for a moment and watched him go, both relieved and a little bit angry that Jaxon had been right about what a jerk Gary would turn out to be. A loser, as he had said. And of course, he’d proved me right. Not that he had to know that.
As I walked by myself back to the house to turn in for the night, I checked my phone and found a text from Jaxon asking me how the date was. I was tempted to reply, then thought better of it and slipped my phone back into my pocket. Let him wonder, I thought. It wasn’t his business.

As much as I’d tried to convince myself I didn’t care one way or the other, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Shawn and Alex had said about mine and Jaxon’s newfound friendship; if you could even call it that. It was bothering me because let’s face it: lots of things bothered me, and that’s why I was such a control-freak basket case. I kept on wondering why Jaxon never invited me out with his friends. Granted, I’d been to his one party, but the moment his Tyler friend had come up to us, Jaxon had seemed almost desperate to make sure I was well on my way to leaving. I didn’t understand it … or maybe I did understand it and simply didn’t want to face it. Although Jaxon claimed he liked my company, he didn’t like it enough to be around me when his jock friends trailed him like a pack of wild dogs, and I wasn’t sure what to think about that. Honestly, I shouldn’t have been thinking about it at all. After all, who cared? Really?
Apparently, I did.
During my break between classes, I found myself on the quad hovering over a textbook and going over my write-up of the football team’s final game. It was a warm day in Denver, a rare event, and although I did adore the rain, the sunshine on my skin felt lovely. While I made some edits on my rough draft game report, a group of students passed by the table. One of them spotted me and held out a sheet of pink paper.
“Movie on the Quad tonight,” she said, flashing me a smile. “Tell your friends. The weather is supposed to be great.”
“Thanks,” I said, scanning my eyes over the paper as the students continued on. I knew that even if Alex didn’t work tonight, a movie on the quad wouldn’t be her thing. Since I had already forced her to go to one of the football games with me, I had to give it some time before I made her do some other tacky, school spirit thing. I considered asking Shawn if he’d like to go, but then I remembered the last time we’d gone to a movie he’d yelled profanities at the screen the whole two hours. As appealing as that sounded, I couldn’t bring myself to endure that again. I crumpled the paper up into a ball and set it aside to throw it out later. It was all right; I had homework anyway.
“So she lives,” someone said behind me. Before I could react, Jaxon plopped down on the bench across from me, flopping his bag down on the picnic table between us. “You never texted me back,” he said. He ran a hand through his light brown hair. It was growing a bit long for my taste, but before I could tease him about it, he kept on rambling.
“Did you guys screw?” he asked. I glowered at him, pushing his book bag out of my face.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but no, we didn’t screw.” I looked away from him, wishing we had done it so I could gloat about something to Jaxon. “But it was still nice. We had a nice, enlightening conversation.”
“That’s good,” Jaxon said. He folded his arms over his chest and leaned back a bit. “I thought for sure I had him pinned as an asshole, and I had genuine doubts about his ability to hold an intelligent conversation.” He was staring intently at me, just waiting for me to crack. I looked away from him, trying to avoid his gaze at all costs. A minute passed by, and when neither of us said anything, I knew I had to look at him again.
“He was a jerk,” I said finally. “He was arrogant and self-involved, and when he got the impression I didn’t want to have sex with him, he bailed.”
I expected Jaxon to laugh, tease me, but he didn’t. Instead, he scoffed, looking anything but amused.
“Part of that could be my fault,” he said. “I told him you were too much for me in bed.”
“Yeah, he mentioned that. I’m so glad I have you as my wingman.”
“Hey, don’t blame me just because you’re attracted to nerdy guys who have never seen bare breasts before,” Jaxon said. “You’re the one who wanted me to try, remember?”
“I remember,” I said with a sigh. “It’s fine, though. No skin off my back. Just another jerk to check off the list.”
“I have to go,” Jaxon said, checking the time. “And no, it’s not because you won’t give it up to me. I have a class.”
“See ya.”
As Jaxon stood up to leave, my eyes caught sight of the crumpled-up piece of paper sitting next to my elbow.
“Hey,” I called, stopping him in his tracks. “They’re playing a film on the quad tonight,” I said. “Some old movie. Wanna go?”
“You mean … as a date?” The doubt in Jaxon’s voice was painfully obvious. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to compose myself.
“No, just as friends,” I said. “Friends do stuff like that sometimes. We’re friends, aren’t we?”
“Yes, we are.”
“So. A movie?”
“I’ll have to check my calendar.”
“Of course, you do.”
“I’m a busy man, Harrison.”
“You know what?” I said, rambling on before I could stop myself. “Forget it. Forget I even asked.”
“But I—”
“No, seriously, pretend I never said anything.” I put my hands up in surrender and leaned back. “It was a stupid idea. Nobody likes those old movies anyway, right?”
I could tell that Jaxon was struggling to find something to say, something that wouldn’t hurt my feelings too severely, but he came up with nothing. Before he could conjure up some lame excuse, I grabbed my book and my backpack and stood up.
“I’ll see you,” I said, and tossed the paper into the nearest trash can. Then I walked away before we could stand staring at each other awkwardly for another second longer.
It was difficult not to feel just a little bit humiliated for the rest of the day, and despite how much I tried, I couldn’t pinpoint why I felt so shitty about that interaction with Jaxon. I guess if I was honest with myself, it was because my fears were confirmed; Jaxon and I weren’t friends. He didn’t want anyone to see us together, despite how sweet he could be when no one was around. I hated that. I hated feeling used, and now I knew that’s what this whole thing was. I wrote appealing articles about what an incredible quarterback he was, and Jaxon reaped the benefits of looking like the school’s star student. The girls loved it, I was sure, and it was clear now that he did, too.
Although I didn’t have anybody to go to the movie that night with me, I forced myself to go home and grab a blanket so I could enjoy the night by myself. I didn’t need anyone to go with me anyway. I could be independent and self-sufficient, unlike many college girls who depended heavily on their cliques and rude boyfriends. I didn’t want to be home alone tonight to wallow in my thoughts, and I also wasn’t feeling the bar scene, so later that evening, I found myself back on the quad, by myself, to enjoy the outdoor movie like a normal person.
I found an empty little spot way in the back, out of the line of the judgmental and curious stares of my peers. I sat down and leaned back against the tree, pulling the blanket around my lap, ignoring the chatty friends and happy couples on the lawn all around me. I checked my phone for some sign of socialization, but there was nothing, not even a nightly text from my mom. Suddenly, I felt very, very alone.
As we all waited for the movie to start, I reached for my little bag of M&M’s and popped a couple into my mouth. It was starting to get chilly as the sun went down, but I didn’t mind. It was cozy out here, huddled up under a blanket. I made a mental note to try and do more social things like this… with or without company.
At nine o’clock sharp, the picture on the side of the building came to life, and the sound vibrated through the crowd. A hush fell over everyone, and I watched the couples cuddle up together as they munched on their popcorn and sipped their drinks. I pulled the blanket further up around my shoulders and settled back to watch the movie. As the intro to the show started up, the sweet melody playing, I heard a group of girls behind me start to giggle. I ignored it, trying to focus on the screen, but after a moment, the giggles got out of hand, and I turned to shush them. Before I could, however, Jaxon was suddenly standing next to me. He had a blanket under one arm and a bag of goodies in the other.
“Sorry I’m late,” he whispered. “I had to get snacks.”
Speechless, I said nothing as Jaxon settled down on the grass next to me, pulling the blanket over his legs as he handed me the bag of junk food. I glanced over my shoulder to where the group of single girls was watching him, whispering and giggling. They were eyeing me with part curiosity and part disgust. Jaxon ignored them.
“Is this going to put a dent in your reputation?” I asked finally.
“A movie with a friend on the quad? I doubt it,” he said. “But if it does, I’m blaming you.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
A comfortable silence fell over us, and Jaxon and I were quiet as the movie began. He offered me a homemade bag of popcorn, and I handed him some M&Ms and Licorice. We snacked through the show, laughing with the crowd, and even tearing up a bit near the end. Well, he did, and I pretended not to notice. I found myself hyper-aware of his presence next to me, but I tried not to act any differently than if it had been Alex sitting next to me.
When the movie ended, neither Jaxon nor I made a move to get up. Other couples and groups of friends gathered their things, blankets and empty popcorn bags and boxes of candy under their arms and sauntered away, laughing over something stupid or reminiscing about the movie. Jaxon and I continued to wait, eating our M&M’s and tossing popcorn into our mouths. Ten minutes went by, then twenty. By half an hour, the quad was body-free, and we were still sitting quietly under the tree, in the dark, warmed by the blankets. It was a pleasant moment, a minute of peace and serenity. No arguing, no thinking too hard about useless things. Just us, at the moment, simply being.
“I just don’t find the fascination in old movies,” Jaxon said after a while. I looked over at him. He was still propped up against the tree. As I watched him, he set the empty bags aside and slipped down so he was on his back on the grass, staring up at the night sky.
“I don’t either,” I admitted, and he looked at me, surprised.
“I took you for an old movie fanatic,” he said.
“I like horror films, but they rarely show them here.”
“What kind of horror films?”
“Scary ones,” I said. “Not like slasher/bloody/gruesome ones. Thrillers that captivate you and draw you into their world. You know, the kind of movie that has you staring at the screen at the end, trying to figure out what in the hell just happened.”
“I know the type,” Jaxon said.
“If I didn’t want to be a journalist, I’d write screenplays,” I admitted. “Brilliant ones, like M. Night Shyamalan style.” I slid down from my butt and onto my back so that we were side by side, both of us staring at the brilliant night sky.
“I bet you’d be great at that,” Jaxon said. I shrugged, reaching for the bag of M&M’s. I dipped into the baggie and withdrew a handful of them, picking out the ones I didn’t want and sticking the blue one in my mouth to suck on it, a weird habit I’d always had with chocolate.
“Why the blue one?” Jaxon asked. “Is blue your favorite color?”
“Close enough,” I said with a shrug. “Aqua is my favorite color, but as far as I know, they don’t make turquoise-colored M&M’s.” I looked at Jaxon, savoring the sweetness of the candy between my lips. “What about you?” I asked. “I told you that I’d be a screenwriter . . . but what would you do if you could do anything in the world?”
“I like football. I love football.” The way he said it made me do a double-take. I propped myself up on one arm and watched his face under the moonlight; I saw the reflection in his eyes, the faint lines etched into his skin and the way that silly little smile highlighted the dimple in his cheek. He was quiet for a moment, staring up at the stars. I said nothing, waiting for him to go on. Sometimes, the best thing a friend could do was just listen.
“My dad was a football player, you know,” Jaxon said. “All throughout high school and college until he was injured and couldn’t play anymore. He lost his scholarship, and he eventually became a high school coach. He saw he had a son from the moment I was born, and all his dreams came true.” He chuckled, but there was a tiny hint of something I could only describe as bitterness behind it.
“He had a plan for you,” I said. After a moment, Jaxon nodded.
“Only one plan, ever. It was the most obvious thing in the world to him; his son would walk in his footsteps and become the same exact man he was. Only, since he’d failed, I couldn’t. He wanted me to be a better version of him.”
“Wanted you to, or wants you to?” I asked.
“Both.”
We were quiet for a moment, listening to a blast of sirens in the distance. I clasped my hands over my stomach and turned my head again to look at him.
“No one can be the same person,” I said. “That’s not how the universe made us.”
Jaxon said nothing, but I knew he was listening, pondering my words. I rolled slightly to the left and propped myself up on one elbow so my body could face him.
“Do you still talk to your parents?” I asked. There was silence as Jaxon mulled this over in his mind, and for a long moment, I was sure he wasn’t going to answer me.
“Yes,” he said finally. “They actually came to the homecoming game but didn’t stay long.”
“That was sweet of them,” I said.
“They were in the city.” Jaxon shrugged. “He never misses a football game; my dad doesn’t. He’s missed his fair share of choir concerts and honors awards but never misses a game.”
“And your mom?”
“My mom is a teacher,” he said. “Well, she was. She resigned a few years ago because my father thought she was spending too much time away from home.”
“Do you have younger siblings?” I asked.
“No. My dad is just too controlling to be okay with her living her life.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Jaxon shrugged and laced his hands behind his head. “Only she can stand up to him, right? And besides, since I don’t live there anymore, I don’t have to deal with it daily. I see them occasionally on holidays, but I try to avoid spending too much time with them. My dad knows how to push my buttons. All we do anymore when we’re together is fight.”
“Do you fight with your mom, too?”
“We don’t have much of a relationship either way,” Jaxon admitted. “She’s always been soft-spoken, kind of a pushover. My dad rules the house with an iron fist, so when he’s angry with me, she’s upset with me, too.” He looked over at me and smiled, just barely, but that tiny smile made my stomach do funny, unfamiliar things. “I like where I am, and I still give my dad credit for pushing me to my full potential.” He rolled his head back to the sky, falling quiet. I was still propped up on my side, gazing at him under the light of the full moon and the sky full of brilliant stars.
“If you didn’t play football, what would you do?” I asked.
“That’s a silly question,” he said. “I love football.”
“If you didn’t play football, what would you do?” I asked again. Jaxon chuckled mirthlessly. He didn’t say anything for a moment, but I kept watching him, admiring the way the moon and the stars made his eyes glisten in the dark.
“I would be a lawyer,” he said finally. “My major is law, actually, but it probably won’t go anywhere.”
For some reason, this answer surprised me. I’d only seen Jaxon Tate as a stereotypical jock of a college guy. He was the quarterback, football star, and attractive golden boy. To hear him talk about something other than sports caught me off guard. I hadn’t expected he’d even tell me.
“So, why don’t you?” I asked. “Become a lawyer, I mean.”
“Because,” he said. “I play football.”
“You can’t play football forever.”
“Not forever,” he agreed. “But my dad hates that I want to be a lawyer. He reprimands me relentlessly for it.”
“Why? That’s a remarkable career.”
“Because I want to do it for all the reasons he hates,” Jaxon said. “I want to work pro bono overseas, advocating for refugees seeking asylum in the United States.”
“Seriously?” I said. I hadn’t meant to sound so surprised, but it was too late to try and hide it now.
“Seriously,” he said, smiling. “They have volunteer programs around the country that recruit medical and legal volunteers. I’ve already considered a few of them.”
“That’s . . . amazing,” I said. “I never would have pegged you for the type. Like, never.”
“Most people don’t.” Jaxon looked over at me. There were goosebumps on his bare arms from the chill in the air, but he didn’t seem to notice. “I never pegged you for the type to write political articles, either,” he said. “But the second time we met when that paper fell out of your bag, you wrote that, didn’t you?”
I looked away from him and focused my gaze on the night sky, counting a cluster of glittering stars. I nodded but couldn’t bring myself to look at him.
“I don’t enjoy the fluff pieces the college paper makes me write,” I admitted. “But if it’s a foot in the door, I’ll do it anyway.”
“What do you want to write about?”
“Anything and everything that matters in this world,” I said. “Politics. Religion. Human rights.” I shrugged. “You probably won’t believe me when I tell you that I also want to report overseas, writing political pieces on the devastation and pain that innocent people in other countries face daily.”
“The women and children and fathers who have no escape route,” Jaxon said, and I nodded.
“Yeah. These innocent people are terrified for their lives and dictated by an oppressive government. They’re innocents like you and me, you know? Only, they're caught in the middle of these wars, unable to escape.” I took a deep breath, remembering an article I’d read once on all the children under the age of thirteen killed in the war. The number haunted me to this day, around ten thousand since 2011, and the numbers were still rising. “I think people need awareness,” I said. “Especially Americans living our sheltered lives. Maybe it would change if I could educate people on the issue.”
“Ignorance is bliss,” Jaxon said. I rolled over onto my back and rested my hands on my stomach, staring at the sky. Silence settled between us, but it was a comfortable silence, the kind of quiet that was rare.
“Grayce,” Jaxon said after a few moments, breaking the silence. He rolled to his side to look at me again, so I turned my head to meet his gaze. “I really like you, you know. A lot.”
The words almost caught in my throat before I could get them out. “I like you, too, Jaxon.”
He reached out, resting one hand on my waist, and then scooted towards me until we were a mere few inches apart. I caught my breath and held it, knowing damn well that one of these days, I wouldn’t be able to resist that charm.
“You’re beautiful,” Jaxon said softly, and his head came in, lips brushing mine, skilled fingers gently trailing up and down my body.
“I bet you say that to all the girls,” I muttered, but I kissed him back anyway because there was no way not to. Despite how hard I tried, I couldn’t resist him, and he knew it.
Jaxon’s fingers slipped between my thighs and began to rub as he kissed me. That hot, tingling sensation appeared between my legs, and I closed my legs, trapping Jaxon’s hand between them. He grinned, biting my lip, and I moaned. I couldn’t hold back, and before Jaxon could get any further, I rolled up and straddled him, one knee on either side of him.
His hard-on pressed into me, and he groaned, grasping my hips with his hands. I leaned down and kissed him, letting my hair tickle his cheek, and Jaxon cried out, desperate for me. I ground my hips against him, relishing the feel of Jaxon’s sculpted body beneath my own.
I closed my eyes. Took a deep breath. Kissed Jaxon hard. Passionately.
And then I rolled off of him, back onto the grass, and laced my fingers together over my abdomen. Jaxon cursed under his breath, shaking his head, face still pointing at the sky.
“You’ll be my death, won’t you, Grayce Harrison?”
“God, I hope so,” I said with a grin. Jaxon reached over and took my hand, and I let him do it. As we lay in the grass on our backs, side by side, taking in the sky and the moon and the stars, everything, at that very moment, seemed perfectly perfect.