Chapter 51 Grayce

I allowed myself to melt into Jaxon, to embrace the secure feeling of his arms around me, pulling me in. Despite what had happened earlier with Tyler, I wanted Jaxon so severely that I wondered for a moment if sex was even enough. What came after sex? Love? Did I love Jaxon? I wasn't sure. The thought of sex with any other man only made me want to curl up and hide. But now, with Jaxon, things were different. I wanted this. I wanted him.
“I have something I wanted to show you,” Jaxon said. Without loosening his arm from around me, he leaned over and grabbed an envelope from his nightstand, handing it to me. I took the paper out and unfolded it, eyes scanning the neatly typed letter.
“Seriously?” I said. My gaze shifted from the letter and up to Jaxon’s face. He shrugged.
“I haven’t told anyone else because I wasn’t sure what to do with it.”
“What do you mean you don’t know what to do with it?” I sat up, folding the paper and sticking it back into the envelope. “Jaxon, you got accepted into Harvard Law?” I dropped the envelope and embraced him, a flood of emotions washing over me as I held him. “I’m so proud of you,” I murmured. “You have no idea.”
“When we met a few months ago, did you have any idea we’d be here?” Jaxon asked, meeting my gaze, those beautiful amber eyes reading me like an open book. I shook my head and took a deep breath. I couldn’t let the floodgates of emotion open, or I’d never get them closed again.
“What happens now?” I said. “Where do we go from here?”
“I don’t know.” Jaxon took my hand and held it, a sensation that I knew would never stop giving me that warm feeling deep in my soul.
After a few moments, I leaned into him, pressing my lips lightly against his. I knew he was holding back, being careful, because he didn’t want to rattle me or upset me even more than Tyler already had. But there was no way he could do that. Not now.
Jaxon’s fingers slipped the button of my jeans loose. My hips moved automatically towards him, practically begging for another touch—another feel—of pure ecstasy. I reached one hand behind his head and tangled my fingers in his hair, forcing his lips apart with my own. I wanted to take charge now; I wanted to be the girl that wasn’t frightened, wasn’t scared of intimacy.
Jaxon groaned softly, and every nerve ending in my body seemed to light up with a spark, egging me on. I placed my palm on his chest, the feel of his skin hot beneath my touch. He parted his lips for mine, eyes closed, body responding in such a way I was momentarily caught off guard—but only because I had never known myself to be able to get a reaction from another being. And not just any other being, but a man—a man who I was suddenly and unequivocally desperate to have.
Jaxon kicked his pants off, and I slipped my hand down to grip his penis, so hungry for him that I could barely stand it. My fingers moved up and down his shaft as he pulled my shirt over my head and unclasped my bra, leaning down to tease one bare nipple with his teeth. I kicked off my pants, my body forming around his, his hand teasing the hard-on he pressed against my groin. He kissed me, slipping his tongue between my lips, and his hands caught both of my wrists, forcing them above my head as he kissed my neck, then my chest. When he released his hold on me, I reached over for a condom from the dresser and tore the foil, then leaned forward and shimmied it over his penis, tracing the sensitive skin with my fingers as I did so. Then, I leaned back onto the bed and pulled him back.
It took moments before Jaxon's body pressed into mine, sliding into me. I let out a quiet gasp of pleasure, still amazed by how good it felt even now, even after we’d already done this. The excitement didn't go away. If anything, the pleasure only sharpened. I simply couldn’t imagine that anything could be better than this.
I moved my hips in sync with his thrusts, biting my lip to keep from losing it after every soft movement. Jaxon smelled good, a tiny hint of aftershave mixed with the lingering scent of cigarette smoke from the party. He slowed his pace to shower kisses down my neck and breasts, his hands gently tracing my skin, nearly sending me over the edge. I lifted my head to search desperately for his mouth, drawing his chin towards my own as our lips met again. I raised my hips, pleading for him to go deeper. When he did, another small gasp escaped from my lungs, and I could feel the heat rise to my face and chest.
After a moment, Jaxon began to rock again, gently at first, and harder and faster. I clenched my teeth to keep from crying out, but it was with the utmost pleasure. Once I had adapted to him entirely inside me, I began to rock, keeping in sync with his body. It was a new experience with Jaxon even the second time—a moment, or a feeling, that I hadn't felt or experienced before.
“Oh, God,” I groaned. I shivered with pleasure, panting, unsure how much longer I could hold on. Jaxon’s thrust became even quicker, burying himself in me, and that's all it took. Not even a few moments had passed as I felt my body let go, reaching the breaking point. I dropped my hands from his shoulders, exhausted, head swimming with ecstasy. Jaxon slowed his pace, breathing heavily, and I realized that he had climaxed. He bent his head down to kiss me. He was smiling, and it made me all the happier as he rolled gently off my body and settled into the mattress next to me.
“You're incredible,” Jaxon said, and I scooted into him, allowing his arms to embrace and hold me. With him, I felt whole, as though he were this missing piece that had been gone for so long. With him, I was desirable.
“Thank you, Jaxon,” I said after another few minutes. I slid my body towards his, resting my head on his chest, the palm of one hand on his stomach. He put one arm around me and squeezed, then kissed the top of my head. I closed my eyes, and he did the same.
“Thank you for what?” he asked.
“For everything,” I said. “Thank you for everything.”

I woke the following day still intertwined in his arms, and I didn’t want to move or breathe in fear of shattering this perfect, dreamy moment. I had to pee, though, so I slipped out from under Jaxon’s hold and tip-toed to the bathroom. He barely stirred.
I washed the old makeup from my face and stared at my reflection in Jaxon’s bathroom mirror. What I felt for this man was something I never knew existed. While it was exciting and beautiful and amazing, it was also scary and terrifying, and even worse, unpredictable. That was the worst part of all.
Jaxon had been accepted into one of the country's most prestigious Ivy League schools, and there was no way in hell he would turn that down, not for any reason. I wouldn’t let him. But while my excitement for him was overwhelming, I didn’t want to face what was coming next. What would happen to us? He would go to Law school, say goodbye to Denver and me and create his new life. Where would I be? I had no idea. Two semesters left in our senior year, and that wasn’t enough time to be with him. All the time in the world didn’t seem like enough time.
Jaxon Tate had gone from an enemy to a lover in two months. Now, I needed him. I needed him more than ever, but was that a possibility anymore? Denver was a dot on a map of the universe. He would leave for law school soon, determined and eager to reach the goals he wanted to achieve. We’d hug at the airport, and he’d kiss my head as I cried into his shirt, making promises to see each other again soon, that this wasn’t over … and that would be that. I would never see him again, not by choice, but by the act of life in general. He’d meet a woman, probably a fellow law student, and I’d meet someone, too. At that point, Jaxon would be nothing more to me than the one that got away.
And there was no way in hell I could put myself through that.
I slipped out before Jaxon woke and walked home. I felt like shit, not just physically but emotionally. The urge I had to turn around and run back into his arms was overwhelming, but the desire to run was greater. It was always greater.