Chapter 31 Grayce

Despite Alex’s eye-rolls and pleas to just let it go and move on, I went back to the hospital that evening by myself to see Jaxon. I’d decided for the first time in my life to skip class for a hot shower and a long nap, and I was feeling refreshed and energized when I arrived. Upon my hospital entrance, however, I was told in a brusque manner by the charge nurse that Jaxon wasn’t accepting visitors.
“Tell him it’s Grayce,” I said. I hated how desperate I sounded to see him, like some clingy girlfriend, although I meant nothing to Jaxon. Although he’d put on a pretty good façade when I’d seen him earlier, I hadn't dared to confront him about what he’d told Tyler back in the library. I didn’t want to hear it … I didn’t want to sit and listen to him conjure up some stupid excuse as to why he would say such a shitty thing … or even worse than that, maybe he had no excuse at all. I wanted to hide and pretend that everything was okay between us and that the friend I’d laid with under the stars after the movie didn’t find me repulsive and obnoxious.
“He was very specific,” the nurse said. “No visitors. He’ll be discharged in the morning, so maybe you can catch him then.”
I turned away, feeling surprisingly disappointed and hurt, and for no good reason at all. I’d been avoiding Jaxon for a reason, and shame on me to think that seeing him earlier would begin to rebuild the friendship we’d started to create. This shouldn’t have surprised me, not after what he’d said.
“Fool me twice, shame on me,” I muttered, but the nurse had already turned away. I sighed and zipped up my jacket before stepping back outside. I was about to phone for a cab when I spotted a familiar vehicle pull up outside the ER doors. It was Shawn.
“What are you doing here?” I asked as he leaned across his seat to open the passenger’s side door for me.
“Alex said you’d be here,” he said. “I didn’t want you to have to pay for a cab after the visit. I thought you could use the ride.”
Since Jaxon had moseyed—or bulldozed—his way into my life not long ago, things between Shawn and I had been rocky and tense, but at that very moment, I was happy to see him, regardless of the annoying things he said and did. Shawn’s friendship was real, it was loyal, and I needed that now more than ever.
“Thank you,” I said, sliding into the passenger’s seat of the beat-up-but-well-heated little car of his.
“You weren’t long,” he said. “I saw you come out not soon after you went in. Is everything alright?”
“Visiting hours are over,” I lied. “They wouldn’t let me see him.”
Both of us knew it was a blatant lie, but Shawn didn’t call me out or pester me for the cold, hard truth for the first time in his existence. He just put the car into gear and started driving home.
“Is he okay?” he asked after a few moments of silence. “I wasn’t there, but I heard he took a hard hit.”
“Do you really care?” I asked. I hadn’t meant to sound so snotty, but I wasn’t in the best of moods. I knew Shawn’s feelings towards Jaxon were anything but trusting. Damn us both; he’d been right about him all along.
“Not really,” Shawn said. “But you do, and that’s what matters.”
“You don’t have to be nice about it,” I said. “You can tell me you told me so, rub it in my face, remind me that a guy like Jaxon can never change.”
“You want to know one of the reasons I love you?” Shawn asked, looking at me over the frames of his silly glasses. “As a friend, I mean.”
“Why?”
“Because you believe there is good in everybody, even if they don’t show it immediately. You don’t assume; you don’t judge. You give people a chance, even if you don’t want to.”
“Yeah, well, look how that worked out for me.” I turned my head to look out the window, eyes scanning the dreary, gray sky above us as raindrops started to fall on the windshield.
“If I can’t have you as something more than a friend, then that’s okay,” Shawn continued. “Because your friendship is the kind I can only hope every person gets to experience in their lifetime.”
“Shawn Pinkman,” I teased. “Look at you, all charming and shit.”
“I’m just saying.” Shawn shrugged, then sniffed loudly. “If Jaxon doesn’t see that, he’s missing out . . . on both accounts.”