Chapter 32 Jaxon

I was discharged the following day from the hospital with a bolstering pat on the back and a ‘script for pills for the pain. The doctor assured me the agony in my legs would eventually lessen. Still, it would take time, and I wasn’t allowed to re-injure myself between now and whenever that happened. However, I wanted to tell him that that was impossible because physical and emotional turmoil was quickly becoming my favorite thing in the world. I gathered my things and called a cab home because I knew that at this point, I probably didn’t have many friends willing to give me a ride.
After refusing visitors last night, some surly nurse told me that Grayce had stopped by but was turned away. I wasn’t thrilled about being a jerk, of course, but I hadn’t been up to trying to socialize, bearing that my life was virtually over as I knew it. I didn’t feel like a person anymore. I felt like sometime between the moment I’d been knocked down on the field and now, my individuality had slipped away into the dark, never to be seen again. Football was it; football was what I had. And it was over. Just like that, a snap of the fingers, and it was over.
My little apartment was dark and quiet. Lonely. I shut the door behind me and locked the deadbolt, reaching over with a grimace to turn on the living room light. The curtains were all drawn, shutting me in like some prisoner. I didn’t bother opening them. The dirty laundry that had been sitting outside the bathroom door for weeks finally made the place smell, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.
I sat on my couch, pushing aside a pizza box full of old crust. The pain was coming on again, radiating down my legs and even into my lower back. I sat in silence, leaned my head back, and closed my eyes, trying to gain my composure and will the pain away. It wasn’t helping; nothing was. With trembling fingers, I reached into my hospital bag for the bottle of prescription painkillers they’d sent home with me. I tossed back one, dry swallowed it, then took another one for good measure. I briefly considered calling Tyler to have him come over but then thought better of it and laid down on the couch for a nap instead. There, I stayed for the next six hours, in and out of dreamland, reliving that horrific moment repeatedly. Six or seven times, I woke up in a cold sweat with pain radiating through my body, unable to catch my breath.