Chapter 37 Grayce

As tired as I was, a drink didn’t sound bad, and I was quickly and desperately running out of Kahlua to spike my third cup of cocoa. So, with a sigh that rattled my entire body, I pulled on my coat and walked to the bar, hoping I could force myself to stay awake for at least another couple of hours before I allowed myself to fall into bed.
I opened the front door to the bar, embracing the warm air that hit me in the face with a welcoming whoosh of air. As I walked toward Alex, I noticed her hovering over the bar counter, deep in conversation with someone. It was Jaxon. I stopped where I was in the middle of the floor, but Alex looked up to see who had come in, and so did he. I saw him stand up from his barstool, and without another moment’s hesitation, I turned on my heel and walked out.
“Grayce,” Jaxon called. I could hear the desperation in his voice, but it only drove me faster. I didn’t want to look at him for fear of crying. I could feel the hot tears pressing against the back of my eyeballs, but I didn’t stop. I didn’t even slow. “Grayce, hold on a second.” Jaxon caught up with me right outside the door, and he snapped one hand out to grab my arm, pulling me around to face him.
“You’re a royal asshole,” I hissed. “Leave me the hell alone.” Despite how angry I was at him, the hurt was creeping up slowly, and before I could stop it, hot tears were running down my cheeks, staining my face. Jaxon let go of my arm, expecting a different reaction.
“Grayce,” he said, then faltered. I made it a point to look around us at the gawking group of students crossing the street to head to the bar. They were staring at the two of us standing on the sidewalk, making a scene no one could understand.
“You better go now,” I said. “People can see us together. I’d hate to ruin your reputation.”
I half expected him to argue, to keep trying, but instead of doing either of those things, he closed his mouth and took a deep breath. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and stood there momentarily, wondering if he would say anything else. When he didn’t, I closed my eyes.
“Goodbye, Jaxon.”

The silence in my house bothered me. It was intense and suffocating, like all four walls were slowly closing me in, and I didn’t have the energy or the desire to escape it. I felt numb and sad, the kind of sadness that traveled so deep to the core of my soul that all the alcohol in the world couldn’t make it go away.
Alex was still at work, but she’d managed to call me five or six times between the fight Jaxon and I had in the parking lot and now, but I couldn’t answer her. I felt pathetic, like some school-aged kid who couldn’t keep a friend because nobody could tolerate her for long. I was angry, most of all. I was mad at Tyler and angry at Jaxon, but most of all, I was angry at myself. I was mad because I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why my heart hurt so badly. I couldn’t understand why Jaxon’s words and actions affected me to such an extent. Months ago, I had despised him. He’d been nothing to me but another arrogant football jock, the guy I’d roll my eyes at and never think twice about daily. So, what was happening to me, and why?
When my cell phone rang again, I glanced over, expecting it to be Alex. But it wasn’t Alex. It was my mom. Frowning, I reached for my phone, wondering why she was calling so late.
“Mom?”
“Hi, baby,” the familiar sound of her voice made my heart nearly melt in my chest, and as if the floodgates opened, tears started streaming hot and wet down my face.
“Hi,” I sobbed and heard mom sigh softly on the other end of the line.
“I sensed something was off,” she said. “That’s why I called. You know, that mother/daughter sixth sense thing.”
“Don’t be silly,” I said, wiping my eyes. “You must have talked to Alex.”
“No,” Mom said. “I’ve been thinking of you since I left to come back home the other day.”
“Don’t you always think of me?” I teased, and mom laughed.
“Tell me what’s going on, baby,” she said. I wiped another tear away and took a deep breath to compose myself.
“Nothing really,” I said. “At least, nothing that matters.”
“I heard about Jaxon’s accident,” she said.
“You did?”
“It was in the paper. He’s pretty big around those parts. How is he doing?”
“Yeah, I know.” I sniffed again and closed my eyes. “He’s not doing very well, mom. I think he’s depressed and possibly hooked on the pain pills they gave him.”
“Have you been with him?” Mom asked, but I could tell by her tone that she already knew the answer, and I didn’t have to say anything.
“We got into a fight,” I said.
“Friends fight,” Mom pointed out.
“Who said we were friends?”
“Oh, honey,” mom said gently. “I’m not sure it even stops there.”
My mom has said some crazy things in my life, but this one took the cake. I scoffed, staring at the wall, wishing I could yell at her and hug her simultaneously.
“Jaxon can’t stand me,” I said. “He told his friend the other day that he wouldn’t date me if someone put a gun to his head. How’s that for friendship and beyond, huh?”
“Grayce,” Mom said. “You still can’t see what’s right in front of you, can you? The rest of us do. I’m just not sure you two caught up yet.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I think you know,” Mom said, and before I could argue with her again, I heard my kid brother Aidyn amid a tantrum on my mom’s end. “I love you, baby,” she said. “Are you okay?”
“I'm all right,” I said. “I just need some sleep.”
“Call me tomorrow.”
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you, too, sweetheart.”
I held the phone to my ear long after she was gone, then finally set it aside, wishing she was here in person to hold me and tell me that it would all be okay. But she wasn’t. I was on my own and had to get through this myself.