Chapter 38 Jaxon

It was a long walk home, a walk that seemed to drag on for miles as I trudged through the cold and dark back to my apartment. Despite how far from the bar I found myself, Grayce’s words were still ringing in my head, the look on her face sharp in my mind. A glimpse of anger, betrayal, and sadness. Everything she was feeling at that moment was my fault; I’d inflicted my pain on her and expected her to take it, and now she was gone. She’d finally turned her back, which she should have done months ago when we first met.
As I walked, feeling sorry for myself and pondering how I could fix this, I genuinely wondered why I cared so much. Why did I give a shit what a girl like Grayce thought of me, anyway? She was just a girl, an ornery one at that, yet for reasons I couldn’t quite fathom, I cared desperately what she felt and thought of me. I wished I could take away her pain and keep it away for a lifetime. This newfound desperation to go to the ends of the earth for some chick I had only met was a feeling I’d never experienced in my short years. What about Grayce Harrison made me feel things I’d never allowed myself to feel before? Why could her smile, and her smile only, light up my world, and why did I crave her attention, loyalty, and friendship? That’s all this was, right? A friendship. I enjoyed her company. I found her charming and funny and slightly bizarre and oh-so-different. I was frantic to have her in my life, and I was still trying to figure out why.
When I finally reached home, I’d decided to try and fix whatever rocky friendship we’d started. I did not want to, but I felt I needed to. Before I could conjure up the finishing touches to my plan, I found Tyler sitting outside my front door. He was propped up against the wall, looking bored, and when he saw me, he scrambled to his feet. A whirlwind of emotions gripped me. It was the first time I’d seen him since the accident, and I was fighting an internal battle about whether I should finally be happy to see him or pissed.
“How are you, man?” Tyler asked, but he made no move to sock me in the arm or fist-bump me like we always did.
“Fine,” I said and side-stepped him to unlock my door. I wasn’t sure where this was going, so just to be polite, I stepped into my apartment and left the door hanging open for him. He accepted that invitation and followed me in, closing the door behind him.
“Look,” he said. I went to the fridge for a beer, returning with two. I handed him one, and he cracked it open. “I’m sorry I wasn’t by to visit you,” he said. “I guess I didn’t know what to say … or how to act.”
“I get it,” I said, and I really did. Hell, I was still trying to sort out my feelings about life. I had no idea where I was or where I was going; I didn’t expect Tyler would.
“Are you doing okay?” he asked. “I mean, really?”
“Depends on the day,” I said honestly. “It’s been rough not being able to play, you know? Lonely.”
“Yeah, sorry about that,” Tyler said. He sighed. “I should have been here as a friend.”
“Grayce was,” I said, and Tyler looked up at me, meeting my eyes. “Grayce was here the entire time.”
Tyler looked at the ground, kicking the tile with the toe of his shoe. “I know,” he said. “And I’m glad. How is she?”
“She hates me,” I said. “She overheard what I told you in the library.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Then I got angry and kicked her out one day, and she’s finally done.”
“Maybe,” Tyler started and then hesitated as if debating whether he should say what he was going to say. He looked up at me again. “Maybe that’s for the best, you know? Now you can have your old life back.”
“Tyler—”
“Just hear me out,” he said. “I know we haven’t been supportive, but since that Grayce girl walked into your life, it’s done nothing but go downhill. She was a huge distraction, man. I don’t know why you cared so much, and I’m not going to let you wallow in it, but I think it comes down to this. I don’t like to do this, Jaxon, because you’re my best friend.” Tyler took a breath and shrugged. “It’s her or us, man. You need to choose. Grayce Harrison or your team.”
“I don’t have a team left,” I reminded him. Tyler scoffed and finally reached out to punch me in the arm.
“Of course you do,” he said. “And we’ve missed you since you’ve been preoccupied with that girl.” Before I could answer him, Tyler set his beer on the kitchen counter and looked at me. “Riley O’Connor is having a party at his place right now. Do yourself a favor and join us. You could use a night away from all this, yeah?”
My first reaction was to tell him no, that I was fine, and that I already had plans to reconcile with Grayce tomorrow. But I didn’t say no because part of me knew there was nothing left of our short friendship to be salvaged. And if I didn’t have Grayce, and I didn’t have my team, I wouldn’t have anyone.
“Alright,” I said. “I’ll come to the party.”
“It’s for the best, man,” Tyler said. He slapped me on the back. “Stick to what you know.”

Later that night, I welcomed the buzz from the booze that crept up slowly, but it wasn’t enough. Not tonight. I put the potent concoction to my lips and chugged the contents. Tyler laughed as he took the empty cup and made me another drink. I chugged that one, too. On the other side of the room, a leggy red-head wearing a short denim skirt and a see-through top was watching me as she made conversation with a friend. She kept glancing in my direction, a tiny smile on her lips. Tyler followed my gaze to the gorgeous redhead and grinned.
“She’s just your type, isn’t she?” he asked.
“I don’t have a type,” I muttered.
“She’s all yours, buddy,” he said. “Just enjoy it.”
“I don’t think I—”
“Shyanne!” Tyler called, beckoning the redhead over. She sauntered to us, leaning in to give Tyler a peck on the cheek as he reached down and grabbed her ass. She bit her lip in what I could only assume was supposed to be a sexy way and looked at me.
“Who’s your friend, Ty?” she asked.
“This is Jaxon,” Tyler said. He slapped me on the back. “He’s been having a rough time lately. Maybe you two could get to know each other.”
“That sounds delightful,” Shyanne said, and she purred something in my ear that resembled a sexy slur. I looked at Tyler, glaring, and he leaned in. He was grinning, pleased with himself.
“Just go for it, man,” he said. “God knows you need it.”
It wasn’t entirely unexpected that I winded up in someone’s empty bedroom with Shyanne’s hand down my pants and her lips nibbling on my ear. I was good and drunk now, feeling better than I’d felt since my shitty hospital stay. I was hot and bothered, and so was she.
“I bet I can show you a real good time,” Shyanne said, pushing me down against the bed. I let her do it because, hell, why not? This was me; this was my life. It always had been.
Shyanne braced my face between her hands and slipped her tongue between my lips. I closed my eyes, inhaling the sweet scent of whatever fruity perfume she was wearing. Her hips pushed against mine, grinding into me, seducing me with her touch alone. She reached for the button on my pants and undid it, then let her fingers rest on the zipper, teasing me.
“I’m sorry I can’t.” It was a moment before I realized those words belonged to me. I pulled my lips away from Shyanne’s mouth, and slowly my hands disconnected from the soft skin on her body. She was staring at me now, trying to figure out if I was kidding or not.
“You can’t?” she repeated.
“I can’t,” I said. “I just … I can’t.” I sat on the bed as she rolled off me, looking so annoyed that I almost felt bad. Almost.
“Is it me?” she asked, but by her voice's tone, I knew it wasn’t a serious question. She knew damn well that it wasn’t her.
“I have to go,” I said and stood to button my pants. My head was swimming, my stomach churning with liquor. I couldn’t think straight, but only one thing and one thing alone was going through my mind at that very moment, and it wasn’t this.