Putting On An Act

Once I’m in my bedroom I lock the door struggling to keep my breathing in check until I’m safely locked away.

Once it clicks I let out my sobs, curling into a ball on the floor. I can’t believe I’ve let myself be so taken in by someone who I thought I could trust.

She is supposed to be my sister, supposed to love me unconditionally and even she seems to have an ulterior motive.

Eventually, the crying stops but I remain laid on the floor, staring up out of the window feeling hopelessly numb to it all. I have one thousand questions and no real answers. **JVN5AR**

When I look back the only person who ever answered me the first time and without hesitation was Artemis, I wonder if she is okay. I lone tear escapes as I think about what we did to her, we injected her with enough wolfsbane and silver than any other wolf would be dead, but she wouldn’t she fought every day.

I wonder if I should have trusted her all along when I met her I didn’t feel anger from her. She was peaceful and yet Slavi convinced me otherwise.

I lay on the ground in my own pity for what feels like hours, going over what I am to do in my head. It comes down to two options, either I stay with Salvi and fight with her waiting for whatever she is going to do to me, Or I leave.

I leave and I find Artemis and I warn her of what’s coming, I think deep down I know which one is the better option but it doesn’t make the choice any easier.

Pushing myself up off the floor, I head into the bathroom switching on the shower and staring at myself in the mirror, my hair is in a twisted mess, on the top of my head, my eyes look work and my face looks tired.

I let the warm water rush over me as I try to decide what I’m going to do.

**We should leave Sekreta, I told you this from the start**


I have to admit, this new connection with my wolf is nice, it’s like being able to have a rational conversation with yourself. You’re able to see things with a 360 view.

“But she is our sister, can’t just leave her. She has done so much for us”


**No she has taught us how to fight and how to activate our powers with rage**

“But that must just be how you do it Savea, how else do we get them to work”

**We have used them before when we were scared**
“We had no choice, our adrenalin was high and it just happened. How do you know that? you were not around then “


**I might not have been vocal buI’veve always been around I’m part of you**

“What are we going to do Savea, how have I gotten us into this mess. We are like prisoners all over again”

**I think we just have to trust Artemis, she will help us if we go to her**

“I think she will help too, but we have to get there first. Even if we could get a message to her somehow “

**Your right, I’ve been telling you that something here doesn’t sit right, I’m sorry you found out the way you did but I’m glad we are finally on the same page**

“I should have trusted you from the start but it’s not easy for me “


**Sekreta, I am an extension of you, if you can trust anyone it should be yourself **

With those final words, she retreats back into my mind, leaving me alone to ponder over what I’m going to do.

I finish the shower, letting the warm water wash over me. Something I’ve learned not to take advantage of since I have been free.

I think about how far I’ve come since I left that night. Grabbing that book and running as fast and far as my legs would carry me.

The book.

I suddenly remember having it, I’ve never told Salvi that I had it. I’m not sure why it just didn’t seem relevant but maybe it could help me now.

Maybe it has something inside that I can use to get a Message to Artemis. I jump out of the shower wrapping the towel around me and heading back into my room.

When Salvi first found me all I had was a bag and a huge coat I had stolen from another lone traveller. I kept the book in the pocket of that coat.

I rummage through the old wardrobe for the coat, seeing the half ripped shoulder I drive my hand inside pulling out the small leather-bound notebook.

It looks older than I remember when I first took it, I flick through the pages. But it seems to be drawings and some kind of diary.

Each page is dated and there are short passages. I’m pulled from diving deeper into the book by the sound of knocking at my door.
“Just a minute !”

I search the room looking for where I can hide it, I opt for the dirty coat again, shoving it back in the pocket and closing the wardrobe door. There’s another knock at the door.

“Just a sec, I’ve just got out of the shower “

I scan the room looking for anything to cover myself, heading to the door I hold the oversized hoodie closed around my body.

I’m faced with the person I least expected, his eyes scanning me up and down.

“Alpha Ivar, what are you doing here “

He doesn’t say anything but steps inside the room and takes a seat on my bed. I suddenly feel very self-conscious and very aware that I’m naked.

*“I just came to see how you were doing. To check how you are settling in”*

He once again scans my body and I see his eyes change into black. Staying close to the door I smile at him, still holding my towel up.

“I’m okay, a lot is going on that I’m not used to but I will get used to it “

I shrug it off, being casual hoping he doesn’t sense my nervousness.

*“I see”* Standing up he begins to circle the room, looking at the trinkets on the dressing table, none of which belong to me.

“You know I was wondering Sekreta”

He stops moving and faces me, I can tell he is watching my body language.

*“If you had found your mate yet ?”*

“My mate?”
I’m taken aback by his question, I’m not sure what I thought he was going to ask but that wasn’t it.

“I did yes. He was the wolf that escaped with Artemis”

He lets out a low growl, but it's loud enough for me to hear.

*“Mated to a traitor. Interesting.”*

He comes closer to me practically pinning me to the wall, it’s hard not to look down at the floor, his aura is dominating.

He places a finger under my chin, forcing me to lift my head and look at him.

*“You know, I’ve had my eyes on you since you got here”*


I can see that Ivar is no longer in control, his eyes are black and I know I’m talking to his wolf. I try to stay calm.

“You have?”

*“Yes. it’s like we can’t stay away from you. Your scent is so sweet”*

He dips his head low, sniffing my neck and I let out an involuntary sigh at his closeness.

“I should probably get dressed”

I duck under his arm and walk behind him, creating space between us.

“I’m sure Salvi is looking for me and no doubt you, you are her mate after all”

He growls as I take another step back. I’m internally praying he is going to leave soon. I don’t want to have to run, and this situation is making a complicated situation more complicated. Part of me enjoyed him being that close to me.

The door to my room knocks again.

*“Sekreta are you in there? Listen to I’m sorry about earlier “*

It’s Ildi and I’ve never been more grateful for the interruption even though I’m a little mad at him still.

“I should get that, thank you for coming by Ivar”


He stands on the spot seemingly having an internal struggle before his eye reverts back to there grey colour. He doesn’t say anything he simply turns and walks to the door.

**JBVNRV**

Opening it he walks past Ildi who says hello and only gets a grunt in return.

*“Weird what was my brother doing here ?”*

Ildi turns to face me and instantly turns back around.

*“Shit. sorry is didn’t realise you weren’t dressed”*


“It’s fine, your brother surprised me after my shower, I’m just going to go to the bathroom and get changed if you’re happy to wait?”

*“I’ll wait”*

I grab some clothes and run into the bathroom, my breathing heavy as I replay the events that just occurred.
What the hell was that?.

**We are connected to him Sekreta but it’s fuzzy**

“What do you mean connected”


**I’m not sure yet, I just know we are**

I push her to the back of my mind as I do up my trousers and head back out to meet Ildi.

“Hey”


*“Hey, what was my brother doing here ?”*

“I’m not really sure, he came to check if I was doing okay and if I was settling in “


*“Weird, he doesn’t usually care for stuff like that and Salvi is looking for him she must not know he was here”*

“I thought it was weird too. He was rather impatient when he was knocking on my door”

*” Hmm. Okay. Anyway, I wanted to come to see you apologise for earlier, I never meant to make you feel stupid Sekreta “*


“It’s fine. I’m just a bit sensitive right now”

I want nothing more than to tell him about Salvi and the strange voice, about what his brother really said to me. I know I can’t though, I know the only person I can trust right now is myself.

*” I really am sorry, and listen I thought you might want to spend some time in the library, I figured I could help you connect your missing dots”*

I can’t help but smile at his words.

“You’d come and sit in a dusty old library with me?”

*“Sure. I mean can we get food first though “*


“I swear you must eat enough food for 40 people, we ate like 2 hours ago.”

*“I’m a growing wolf, now can we detour past the kitchen or not?”*

“We can, you go down now and I'll meet you there, I need to just dry my hair. I’ll be five minutes”

*“Okay sounds good”*

He heads to the door and leaves humming as he goes, I can’t lie his happiness is infectious. Just as quickly as I was happy, however, I’m conflicted once more.

What did Ivar really want? And why did he treat me that way, I mean he is mated to Salvi so he has to be loyal to her. She told me they had been mated since they met.

So why now was he acting as if he was attracted to me, and why do I feel like I have a connection to him. My thoughts flash to Kalf, why would he leave me if he loved me if he was mated to me. Was it so easy to be without the one you are bound to?

My conversation with Ivar would suggest yes, but from what Ildi has told me he struggles every day to be away from his mate.

I make the executive decision to just ask Ildi what it was like when he met her, maybe that will clear it all up for me, and I won’t be left feeling like a lost child.

I head down to the kitchen, not paying much attention to my surroundings, my thoughts going a mile a minute as I compartmentalise what’s important away from what answers I need.

Maybe I would get them in the library and this will all make sense, I’m hoping for it, praying to the moon goddess for it even but, deep in my gut I know I’m on the wrong side of this fight I just don’t know how I’m going to get out of it.



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