The shadows I left behind
RYAN
It always happens like this. Just when things start falling into place, just when I think I’ve finally got my life under control, something—or someone—comes crashing into my world, scattering every carefully laid plan. That’s been the story of my life. Nothing ever stays perfect. Nothing ever stays simple.
And now, it’s happening again.
At first, doubt she was the one from the picture Violet sent,but running to her proved me wrong. She is indeed the one; she was a ghost I couldn’t outrun, a shadow creeping back to remind me of who I used to be.
Amelia.
It had been three days since I returned to Yale, but the image of her—Amelia—kept intruding into my thoughts, no matter how much I tried to push it away. Seeing her again outside that restaurant had been like a punch to the gut, dragging me back to a version of myself I’d spent years trying to escape.
The memory was vivid, even though I’d tried to bury it. I met her during high school, at one of those wild, unsupervised parties that seemed to be a rite of passage. Back then, I lived for the thrill of the moment, never thinking about consequences or the people I hurt along the way.
She was just another face in the crowd that night, another girl drawn to me because of my reputation. There was nothing special about her—no spark, no connection. She was just...there. Like so many others before her. We ended up hooking up in one of the bedrooms upstairs, and that was it. No promises, no morning-after texts. I didn’t even stick around to say goodbye.
That was how it always went. It wasn’t personal; it was just who I was back then. Detached, selfish, and completely oblivious to the damage I left in my wake.
A month later, she showed up at school. I barely recognized her at first. She looked different—nervous, vulnerable, nothing like the confident girl I remembered from that night. She pulled me aside in the parking lot as she told me she thought she was pregnant.
I didn’t believe her. Why would I? It wasn’t the first time someone had come to me with a story like that. I was used to it—the lies, the manipulation, the desperate attempts to tie me down.
Or maybe I didn’t want to. It was easier to dismiss her as another girl trying to trap me. I said all the things I’d told myself I’d say in a situation like that—that it wasn’t my problem, that she couldn’t prove it was mine.
I walked away without a second thought, leaving her standing there, tears in her eyes, clutching her bag like it was the only thing holding her together.
And never saw her again. Not until now.
Now she was back, as if the universe had decided it was time to make me pay for all the mistakes I thought I’d buried in my past. For years, I had convinced myself that I had escaped the shadows of the things I’d done, the people I’d hurt, and the bridges I’d burned. But life has a cruel way of reminding you that no matter how fast you run, some ghosts will always catch up.
Seeing her again outside the restaurant felt like a punch to the gut. Amelia. She had been a fleeting memory, a brief chapter in my reckless high school years. I didn’t know why she had reappeared, or if it was some twisted coincidence. But the timing was far from convenient.
What if she had been telling the truth all those years ago? The thought made my stomach churn. What if she really had been pregnant? What if I had turned my back on something—someone—that I should have been there for? What if there was a child out there, my child, who had grown up without me because I had been too selfish, too arrogant, to listen?
The questions gnawed at me, a persistent unease I couldn’t shake. And yet, I couldn’t bring myself to ask her outright. The risk was too great—not just for me, but for Violet.
Violet. She was the only good thing in my life right now, the one person who made me believe I could be better than the person I used to be. Our relationship was already fragile, strained by the distance. The last thing I wanted was to drag her into this mess.
But there was something about the way Amelia looked at me that unsettled me. It wasn’t just surprise at seeing me; it was something deeper, something calculated. It was as if she already knew I was Violet’s boyfriend. And yet, she hadn’t said anything. Why?
Why was she sticking close to Violet? The thought made my skin crawl. Could she be up to something? Could she be planning to hurt Violet? The idea sent a cold shiver down my spine.
I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t let that happen. The thought of Violet being hurt because of my past filled me with a strange, desperate fear. I needed to be careful. I needed to find a way to talk to Amelia, to figure out what she wanted, without involving Violet.
But how?
Violet didn’t know about Amelia. She didn’t know about that part of my life, the version of me that had been so thoughtless, so cruel. And if she found out... God, I didn’t even want to think about it. Violet saw the best in me, even when I couldn’t see it myself. She believed in me, trusted me. If she knew what I had done, she would see me for the monster I used to be.
And she would leave.
The thought of losing Violet felt like the end of the world. I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t. If that meant keeping secrets, lying to her, then so be it. I hated the idea of lying to her. Violet deserved the truth—she deserved better than me. But right now, protecting her meant keeping her in the dark.
I had to figure this out on my own.
But how? How could I face Amelia without Violet finding out? How could I confront my past without letting it destroy my future?
Log in with Google Account
Chapters
Favorite
Settings
