The hope that kills
RYAN
The hallway buzzed with chatter, lockers slamming shut and the hum of students rushing to their first class of the day. Leaning against the edge of my locker, I felt every eye in the corridor drift over me, lingering just a second too long. It was like a reflex they couldn’t resist, and I was used to it. Ignored it, mostly. But today? Today, every glance, every whisper seemed to grate under my skin.
Because I wasn’t looking at them. I was looking for her.
I hadn't seen Violet since yesterday when she basically left me hanging. I could still picture that moment, the look of indecision on her face before she bolted. I'd given her the chance to say yes but the answer hung in the air–unanswered
Girls didn’t leave me hanging. If I so much as hinted at asking anyone else to prom, they’d be tripping over themselves in excitement. They'd have it written in their yearbook like a badge of honor. That was the way things usually went, after all—I was Ryan fucking Jenkins
But Violet? She's a whole different story. There's something about her that's just... different. And maybe that’s what made her so damn frustrating. So damn interesting.
Because, hell, I was interested.
I clenched my jaw, brushing off the sharp edge of irritation. What was I even doing was I even doing, asking her in the first place? It's not like I've ever had trouble finding a date.
But ever since that rumor about her not being my type surfaced, people had been watching her, whispering things they didn’t know anything about. She’d been dragged into something that wasn’t her fault, and every time I caught a hint of it, it lit a fire inside me. I couldn’t stand by while people acted like they knew her, like they could label her.
Maybe if she went with me, people would finally shut up. Maybe if I showed up to prom with her by my side, it would end all the gossip and stares.
Or maybe you just can’t stand the thought of anyone else taking her as their date.
My inner voice cut through, sharp and smug. I pushed it away, like I had no idea what it meant.
But I did.
The thought of her with someone else made my blood run cold.
Luke…
Her conversation with Ashley played in my mind relentlessly. Last night, I’d gone over to her place to ask for her response. I was done with waiting, done with the game of guessing what was going through her head. But when I got to her door, I heard her inside talking with Ashley. I hadn’t planned on listening in, hadn’t wanted to eavesdrop like some idiot, but the word "prom" snagged my attention. I stood there, rooted to the spot, as I realized Luke had already asked her to be his date. And worse, she was actually contemplating who to choose.
The realization simmered in the back of my mind all night, my thoughts lingering on it like a splinter I couldn’t shake loose. The idea of her even considering Luke—hell, anyone else—was enough to keep me awake, grinding my teeth.
Prom was just a stupid high school dance. The parties afterward were what really mattered; everyone knew that. But with Violet, it felt like something more was on the line, something I couldn’t quite pin down but felt with every nerve. That’s what was eating me up, gnawing from the inside. And the fact she hadn’t given me an answer yesterday only cranked up the tension tighter.
But what had me twisted in knots was the idea of her even saying yes to Luke—of her showing up at prom on his arm—made it impossible to sleep.
I slammed my locker shut, catching the attention of a few bystanders. They looked away quickly, their whispers resuming in lowered tones. I didn’t care about their gossip. I needed to find Violet and get my answers. I needed to know where her mind was.
I straightened up, pushing myself away from my locker.
Where could she be?
But before I even took a step, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I didn’t need to check it to guess who it was. Evelyn. She’d been blowing up my phone for days, each message more insistent than the last. Today’s text was no different.
“Why are you ignoring me”
I let out a frustrated sigh, shutting the screen off without bothering to reply. She had been pressing for a response since last week, hinting at our supposed "plans". I'd been steering clear of her for days, knowing she'd only add more confusion to the chaos in my head. I was done with the constant games, the assumptions
Instead, I fired off a text to Violet. We should meet. “Where are you?”
I waited for a response, but my screen stayed silent. She wasn’t going to make this easy, was she?
Fine. I headed toward the cafeteria, figuring I’d grab something to eat while I tried to get my mind off her, if that was even possible. I walked through the doors, scanning the tables almost instinctively. And that’s when I saw them.
Violet and Luke, sitting together, laughing. She looked relaxed, her guard down as she leaned toward him. Luke said something, and she threw her head back with that laugh I’d only seen a handful of times—the one that was real, unguarded. The kind that dug under my skin because I’d never seen her that at ease with anyone else.
Something clenched tight in my gut, and I felt a rush of irritation that was as familiar as it was unwelcome. Right. So she’d chosen him. I didn’t need to ask anymore
All night, I'd been haunted by the idea of her with someone else. And here she was, laughing with him, looking every bit like she belonged to his side. A tightening sensation clawed at my gut
Violet's gaze shifted and she caught the sight of me. Her eyes brightened in surprise and she raised a hand, giving me a small wave. She stood up, excusing herself from Luke, and walked over. Her smile remained and for a fleeting moment,I wanted to believe she was coming over just for me. But I wasn't about to let her say the words I knew were coming.
"Ryan" She began. “Can we talk? There's something I wanted to–
"I know what you're going to say" I replied curtly,my tone sharper than I intended. "You want to reject me. You need to not say it, Violet"
She blinked, looking taken aback, her lips parting as if she was about to argue, to deny it. But I didn’t give her the chance.
I turned on my heel and walked away, my jaw clenched tight. The part of me that had hoped for something different, for a reason to keep pushing… was crushed in silence.
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