HER DECISION
RYAN
It all happened so suddenly.
One minute, I was trying to get Evelyn out of my room as quickly as possible. The next, she’d tossed her arms around my neck and placed her mouth on mine. For a moment, my body locked up in horror. The sensation was suffocating. It wasn’t just the shock—it was the way her mouth felt. She hadn't kissed me but that alone was enough to snap my mind back to memories I had tried so hard to bury, memories that clawed their way to the surface like a relentless tide.
“Fuck!” I tore her off me, practically shoving her backward as I wiped my mouth with my forearm. My breath was coming in short, panicked bursts, and bile rose to my throat, the nauseating sensation hitting me like a punch. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, trying to erase the feeling, but it clung to me like oil. "What the hell, Evelyn?"
She blinked, momentarily thrown, then laughed it off, like it was all some kind of joke. "Relax, Ryan. It's just a kiss."
But it wasn’t "just a kiss"—not for me. Ever since that night years ago. The thought of it made my skin crawl, and my stomach churned with a sickening intensity. I couldn’t shake the feeling, that sense of violation, even if it was just for a moment. It all came flooding back.
I clenched my fists, the tightness in my chest building until I thought I’d explode. “You don’t get it,” I ground out, trying to keep my voice steady, though every nerve in my body was frayed and screaming. “I don’t want this.”
Evelyn’s smug grin faded, her eyes narrowing.
“Ryan, you've been avoiding me for weeks. Prom is coming up, and you haven’t even asked me to go with you."
I turned away, barely able to keep the bile down, desperate for air,or for anything to erase that split-second horror.
I was desperate to get her out of my space before I lost the last shred of control I had left. "Get out, Evelyn."
Her mouth opened in disbelief, a mix of confusion and anger flickering across her face. "What? Are you serious?"
"Out," I repeated, my voice was cold, harsher than I’d ever used with her. ,”Now”
For a split second, she looked like she was about to argue, but something in my expression must have told her I was done. With a huff, she backed up, a flicker of irritation flashing across her eyes before she stormed out
The moment the door clicked shut behind her, I felt like I could finally breathe. My hands still trembled, and my mouth tasted bitter, the memories clawing at me. I leaned over, steadying myself on the desk, swallowing hard to keep from puking. My mind screamed at me to forget, to push it all back down where it belonged.
My breath started coming out in shallow,ragged gasps.
No, not this. Not again.
The ringing in my ears grew louder, drowning out everything else, and I hit my knees, feeling my chest tighten, my lungs straining for breath. “Breathe… just breathe,” I whispered to myself, counting in my head. "One, two, three…"
But the panic kept building, relentlessly. My hands shook as I crawled toward my nightstand, where I kept my pills. I needed to calm down, and needed to push everything back into the box I’d kept it locked in. My fingers fumbled as I opened the bottle, popping a few pills into my mouth, swallowing them down hard.
I leaned against the bed, my head falling back against the frame as I closed my eyes, waiting for the calm to seep back into my mind. Slowly, my heartbeat steadied, the shaking dulled, and the haze began to clear.
As I sat there, catching my breath, an image came to mind—Violet. Her soft smile, her eyes, the way she looked at me like there was something more in me than just the mess I am inside
******
An hour later, I woke up feeling better, though there was still a hollow ache deep inside. I needed to see Violet. I’d been too overwhelmed when I saw her with Luke in the cafeteria earlier, barely giving her a chance to explain
My knuckles swiped on her door as I knocked.
I'll just apologize and get the hell out of there.
The door swung open, and there she stood. Her damp hair clung to her shoulders, fresh from the shower, and my gaze involuntarily drifted downwards….
“Come in” Her voice interrupted me from my wild thoughts
II stepped into her room and took a seat in the chair near the corner. For a moment, we sat in silence
“Alright, so… I wanted to apologize for what happened earlier ,” I said, the words coming faster than I’d planned. Apologies weren’t something I did often, and here I was, doing it twice—for the same person who had somehow managed to get under my skin. “I didn’t mean to react like that. My emotions have been all over the place lately. I’m sorry I took it out on you.”
“It's fine”
She simply said. I frowned at her distant tone. She had never been this standoffish. Granted I was harsh earlier but she's more of an ‘express myself’ lady.
“We good?” I asked,my brow furrowed and she nodded without even sparing me a glance.
“You wanted to say something in the cafe before” I pressed on.
“No,it doesn't matter anymore”
No,I didn't like that. I didn't like the sound of that at all.
“If there's nothing else, I'd like to get some sleep and—”
“Fuck that” I interrupted. “I'm not leaving until you tell me why you're acting so strange. Are you still mad at me?”
Her eyes softened a bit but they turned rigid back.
“No, I’m not mad about what happened in the cafeteria,” she replied. “I’m just… mad that you can’t seem to keep your door closed when you have your girlfriend around. Our rooms are right next to each other. I don’t exactly enjoy… accidentally seeing you two making out”
Ohh Evelyn. The memories of the kiss flooded back to my head and I swallowed past a lump. Violet must have seen that.
“We didn't kiss. She forced herself on me”
“Sure.”
I knew how that sounded... ridiculous.
“I guess you didn’t stay long enough to see me push her off,” I said. “And she isn't my girlfriend. She only came by to ask why I've been avoiding her and I practically told her to leave “
Violet faltered. “Oh.”
“Yes, oh.” I kept my eyes trained on hers as I carefully picked my next words. “Are you jealous,mouse?”
She stiffened, a slight flush creeping onto her cheek “Of course I wasn’t. I was just mad about you leaving your door open while… doing your thing.”
“Uh-huh.” I mumbled,choosing not to push further. “What did you want to say before?”
She hesitated, her lashes fluttering as if debating whether to tell me. Finally, she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve agreed to be your date… to prom.”
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