Chapter thirty one

Crystal stood on the stairs leading up to the doorway. It had been several weeks now. The first days had been gruesome. She had spent most of her time at the hospital. Only rushing home for a few hours to freshen up before going back. Her dad had shown great improvement. But then he had become unstable and the doctors had had to conduct an immediate operation on him.
The fear she had felt had been raw. A terrorising feeling that could not be put into words. She had been shaking through the entire time. Like a little girl hiding in her closet because there had been an intruder in their house.
But now, weeks later, the expression she wore was entirely different. For the first time in a long time she managed to smile again as she waited for Aiden to come back with her dad. He had not yet fully recovered but he was much better now. And the doctors had allowed for him to be discharged. Though he would still be required to be looked after by a home nurse for a while.
She had wanted to go but she chose to stay back and arrange his room for him along with all the medical equipment that he was supposed to be on. Looking towards the gate, she strained her neck, a look of anticipation on her face. And the moment she saw the car approaching, even from a distance, she nearly jumped up and down while clapping. She was that happy.
Her dad, despite having been just discharged was as stubborn as always. He insisted on walking on his own when Aiden tried to help. And his mind was, as always, focused on his work.
Running over to him, Crystal gave him a tight hug. He groaned and she took an immediate step back. Apologising as she held his arm to lead him up the stairs.
" For the love of God, stop treating me like I'm a cripple. And Aiden, did Joyce send over the files for the Brooke's case? "
" Dad! The doctors said that you have to rest. And you're not supposed to do anything stressful. "
" I don't care about what the doctors said. Those cases won't defend themselves. "
Looking back, Crystal gave a defeated look to the nurse that had been assigned to take care of her dad. She looked stern, more than capable of handling his stubbornness.
Though it was very depressing to think that the first thing her dad thought about after a near death experience was his work. Usually people changed. Claimed that they had seen the white light and were now determined to pay more attention to their family. But she gussed that all that was just in the movies. Her dad was the same as he had been before. Uncaring of nothing apart from his career.
But regardless of all that, she was still ecstatic that he was back. Eyeing the numerous cops and guards that were now surrounding their house, she walked in with her dad next to her. Then she got him settled in and sat next to him on the bed. Trying to think of a way to express just how glad she was that he was there. How she didn't know what she would have done had she lost him. But a few minutes later, he had already dozed off. So she kissed his forehead and headed out. Leaving him with the nurse.
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She was finally smiling again.
That pained look that had been all he had been seeing for the last weeks had been replaced by that beautiful smile he had not even known he liked so much. There were no longer any dried up tears that made him hate himself. And that desperate look that made him tick was now gone.
But even now as she walked out of her dads room and stood next to him with a smile, he saw a distant shadow of pain. He had no idea why it was there but he saw it.
" I can't believe that he's okay, " she said, leaning against the wall with her arms protectively crossed.
" And you? " he asked, his voice low but sure. Studying her keenly. Recalling all the times he had held her over the past weeks. The times he had freely wrapped his arms around her and whispered reassuring words into her ear without a second thought simply because he wanted to.
" What do you mean? "
Crossing his own arms, he stood in front of her.
" Are you okay? "
" Of course I am, now that my dad is back home, I feel better than ever. "
So why did she feel like she was lying when she said that?
Crystal looked at the eyes that had been her main source of comfort. Even now, despite that fact that she wasn't breaking down, she wanted him to pull her close like he had back at the hospital. He gave a slow nod at her reply. Wondering what they were supposed to do now. Now that there wasn't the constant issue about her dad to pull them towards each other. Because if he could remember correctly, things between them hadn't been that great before everything happened.
And while he was thinking that, Crystal's thoughts were somewhere else completely. She was trying to figure Nick out. He was like two different people in one. Compassionate when he wanted to be, but cold when he felt like it. Like back at the hospital. He had been the one to convince the doctors to let her see her dad. And in more than one case, she had fallen asleep on the bench only to wake up on his lap. And he never said anything. Never acted as if it was a big deal. And she recalled every last endearment he had used to call her.
And though she hadn't shown it at the time, those little words whispered softly into her ear had made her heart race.
And little by little she had become so accustomed to having him there, that if seemed natural to hold his hand and lie on his lap whenever she grew tired. And to feel him gently run his hand through her hair. That was the Nick she had grown used to.
" Thank you... for everything, " Her eyes held his. His answer was another nod. There was something, the air around them had changed. There was a new layer of unexplainable emotion there that he had been striving to ignore for as long as he could but now it appeared that he had failed.
And he realised that there would be no forgetting Crystal. Even if he quit the job and headed a thousand miles away.
There was no forgetting the way that woman made him feel. There was no forgetting the way his heart pumped when she was around. The way he wanted nothing but to be around her. To see her happy. And a true happy. Not the kind she was now.
There was just no way he would ever be able to forget her.
Seeing that he wasn't saying anything, Crystal asked him if he was okay.
And instead of a response, she was pulled into a hug so tight it almost took the air out of her. With a confused look, she returned it. And when she did, she didn't want to let go.
Ever.
Crystal held on with equal strength. Her hands fisting into his suit jacket as she tried to focus on that one feeling of safeness that she got when he held her like that. All the secret sadness she had been feeling as a result of her dad's diplomatic and uncaring character was brought to the surface. God! she wanted him to just say that he cared for her. That he would try to improve on their father daughter relationship.
And it hurt that he didn't seem to care.
It hurt bad.
" You're okay, " she heard Nick say. His tone as comforting as it could be. And it was hard not to break down again right then and there. He pulled away enough to look at her. The realization of what was going on with him now clear in his mind. The fear of it now implanted in his conscience. And the guilt of how this would most likely end up began haunting him.
" What's wrong? " she asked. Because for the once, she saw actual fear in his eyes. And it worried her deeply.
" Nothing. I'm just glad that you're fine. "
" Ooooookay, " looking at him unsurely, she reached up and cupped his cheek. The tender action, committed with such care, drew him over the edge. He leaned in and kissed her.
Slow.
Gentle.
Soft.
And when he pulled away, Crystal was unable to contain it anymore.
" Nick... I love you, "
It had been so for quite a while now. And she waited to hear what he would say. But the reply never came. He just stumbled back like she had physical punched him. And when she looked up to view what his eyes had to say, he looked aside. She could see that he had closed them.
" Well?... won't you say anything? " she was starting to feel like a fool.
" Crystal..... " still without looking at her he raised his eyes to the ceiling. "...I can't ...."
He shook his head and huffed out a breath.
The words were there. At the very tip of his tongue. But he refused to let them out. He refused to drag her into his messed up life. And he refused to face her, afraid of seeing the hurt look in her eyes and damning every consequence off to hell.
He had no knowledge of how to love.
He had no knowledge about how to accept it when it was offered to him.
And though all he wanted to do was let himself feel, he decided to choose the opposite, all while convincing himself that he was doing the right thing.