Chapter fourty seven

The weather was cold, and mist crowded the streets outside, and although Crystal would have much rather been at home since she hated the cold, she said yes when Nick asked whether she wanted to go get some air.
It was an odd request coming from him, and his eyes had been narrowed in that quizzical way of his when he had asked.
They sat on a bench outside a boutique, staring out at the crowds of people on their morning rush. With their briefcases and coffees in hand and more often than not, the usual phone held to the ear.
Taking her hands out of the pockets of her deep red trench coat , Crystal rubbed them together as she blew some heated breath in them to try and get them warm. She was freezing, and neither the warm clothes nor her vigorous hand rubbing seems to be helping. Nick watched her from the corner of his eye. He was staring straight ahead at a mother who was trying to drag her young son away from a bakery's window. The child refused to move, and after a while, he saw as the mom blew out her cheeks, her hands on her waist. Then she led the boy inside. It was a normal sight, but he couldn't help but internalise it in his head over and over.
As he was used to doing with everything around him. He asked himself whether the mother gave in due to her affection for the child, or maybe she got impatient and didn't want to be late for something. Or perhaps she just didn't want to cause a scene.
And in the same way he examined that scene, he had been trying to figure out what exactly was going on in Crystal's head. His eyes might have been gazing ahead, but his entire concentration was on the woman seated next to him. He watched as the slight breeze that was drifting their way swept strands of her hair across her face. She pushed them back, a slight frown on her face. And when the same thing happened again, she tucked them behind her ear.
She was cold. He had specifically picked the coat and scarf she had on with the aim of keeping her warm, but the way in which she kept tapping her feet to the ground meant that the clothes weren't that much of a help. And the tip of her nose was a faint rosy pink. Which meant she was really cold. Movie closer, he shrugged out of his overcoat, which left him in the St. Laurent's three piece he was wearing beneath. Then he went to drape it over her shoulders but she refused.
" Don't be stubborn. Just wear it. "
He looked at everywhere except her face. Because he knew the impact that would have on him. That frantic beat of his heart. That momentary lapse in the awareness of anything else that was going on around him. That hypnotising feeling he got whenever he looked at her eyes, it was always as if she were sucking him in. Him and everything about him. And in as much as he liked the feeling, he wanted to be fully alert at the moment. He still had to guarantee her safety.
" You don't seriously think I'm just going to take it and let you freeze to death... do you? " she asked. And in her tone he could hear the seriousness as well as the very tiny bit of doubt. It hurt him to hear it. Literally, it was like a jolt of pain that flashed straight through his heart.
Moving even closer on the bench, he wrapped one arm around her casually. Then he made her lean her head in his shoulder before he covered her up with the coat. Tightening his hold when she tried to sit up and return it to him.
" And you don't seriously think that a slight breeze would be enough to kill me...do you? " he countered. He posed the statement as a challenge, but when she looked up she could see the subtle smile he wore, and the very sexy crinkles that had appeared at the corner of his eyes.
He rarely smiled, unless he was with her of course. And when he did, he managed to capture her heart all over again. He was one of those people who smiled with their eyes. Whose normally stoic and expressionless features always softened with the action and they appeared much younger.
" I'm not even that cold. "
He reached over with his other hand and held hers. He was simply going to check how cold they were, but even after doing so, he was unable to let go. So he laced their fingers together and laid them on his lap.
" You're freezing. "
" Overstatement, I'm simply not as warm as I usually am. "
" That's because you're cold. "
" So you should put on your coat and let thermoregulation take its course. "
" Are you trying to confuse me with your words? "
She chuckled softly as she gave a half shrug, realising that she was now completely enclosed in his spicy scent and loving the fact.
" Is it working? "
" No. And you should feel very privileged. I don't just take off my clothes for anyone. "
Laughing, she playfully slapped his arm. Then she sat up straight and despite his reluctance, she took off the coat and draped it around him. Then she nestled herself inside next to him such that they were both covered by it. A satisfied smile on her face.
" Now we both win. "
" I suppose we do. "
Her care for him would forever undo him. Those little gestures that always proved to him just how concerned she truly was about him. And each time he always thought that there was no way for him to love her more than he already did. But then she did something as simple as blow him a kiss while she was attempting to cook and he could feel his love intensifying to a point where all he wanted to do was hold her next to him until dawn turned to dusk.She let out a breathy sigh, and he felt her as she tucked her head into his side and breathed in long and hard.
" Have you chosen a place yet? " he asked a few minutes into the silence. Referring to her work studio. She shook her head.
" But I think I'm going to pause the search until after I get a job. And I was considering letting Miguel speak to Gabriel Germaine and---"
" You don't have to do that. Just inform me once you pick somewhere you like, " he cut in. There was no need for her to have to worry about the money as far as he was concerned. And the last thing he wanted was for her to work for that Gabriel Germaine, he still remembered the guy from when he had gone to get Crystal at the gala. And Nick could very well judge a person from looking at them.
And according to his scrutiny, Germaine was a self absorbed person who was used to having things go his way. Arrogance and money were never a good match. Add him being attractive to the mix and you got a reckless psychopath whose world revolved only around himself.
" Why? So you can just swoop in and pay for it? " Crystal asked as she looked up at him. At the same time wondering what was going on with the sudden avoidance of eye contact.
" That's precisely why. "
There was no arrogance in the tone he used. He simply said it as if it was the most obvious thing.
" Well in as much as I appreciate your offer, I'm not going to accept that. "
" It wasn't an offer. I was simply informing you of my inevitable plan. "
She scoffed, sitting up straight with her arms crossed around herself so that she wouldn't feel the effect of losing the heat he offered. That warm layer that radiated off him. But she felt it either way.
" You can't just do that. I left my dad's house so that I can be independent, and letting you pay everything for me is not in any way independent! "
" You left your dad's house because I did. And there's no need to make a huge deal out of this. I'll provide you with everything you want.... that's just how it will be. "
Crystal frowned, starting to get a bit frustrated about the entire thing.
" I didn't leave my house because you did! You took me with you, remember? " she arched a brow. He was making it sound as if she had followed him and that wasn't something she was okay with.
" Would you rather I hadn't? " he asked and she parted her lips in shock.
" What? Of course not but now that I'm no longer living there, I have to learn how to survive on my own. "
His jaw clenched. She could see it clearly, the same way she felt his entire form as it stiffened.
" On your own? " he asked in a hoarse and deep voice. That voice that she had fallen in love with since the first time she had heard it standing half naked in a men's washroom. But now it was razored with accusation.
" That's not what I meant and you know it. "
What were they even arguing about? She honestly couldn't remember.
" You're my responsibility Crystal ---" he began but she cut him off. Shifting so that she could face him more clearly.
" Responsibility?.... is that what I am to you? "
" That's not what I meant and YOU know it! " he shot back. Using her own words. Before her he had always been composed, but she had a way of making him lose it.
" Okay, then tell me Nick, what exactly am I to you? "
She had been trying to figure that out since two days ago when Miguel and Dahlia had left their apartment. She didn't know why it bugged her so much but it did. And she hoped that he would clear it up for her.
" What kind of question is that? " he asked. And he sounded a little pissed, almost as if he could not believe she was asking him such a thing.
" Just answer it, I mean, what exactly are we? "
Were they lovers?.... friends with benefits?.... boyfriend and girlfriend?.... or were they just two people that were attracted to each other and had been forced to move in together due to circumstance? She wanted to know.
Nick draped the coat around her again and moved aside a few inches. She instantly missed him, he was still seated right there but she missed him. Because she felt as if there was a little wedge that had somehow managed to get between them. And it hurt.
Running a hand through his hair, Nick unbuttoned his suit jacket and took it off as well, then he placed it in the space between them. She watched his actions intently... almost curiously. She always wondered what went through his mind, and she desperately wanted to know how his conscience worked. How he calculated his logic and how he managed to very efficiently control his demeanor.
" This is about them, isn't it? " he asked after some time.
Confused, she asked him what he was talking about.
" Miguel and Dahlia. I saw you, I saw how you were looking at them, "
As if she admired what they had. And it angered him tremendously since he had thought that he had been giving her all she wanted. But clearly he was wrong. And he had been patiently waiting until she brought it up. Which he supposed she just had.
" What are you talking about? This has nothing to do with them. "
" It has everything to do with them. And I'd appreciate it if you just told me what exactly it is you want instead of staying silent and pretending like you're fine. "
" I already told you what I want. I want to get a job so that I can pay for my own expenses. "
" That's nonnegotiable, so don't bother bringing it up. And it's also not what I mean. "
She wriggled her nose before facing aside. Hating that he could see right through her.
" Aren't you happy? "
It hurt him just to ask. And she flattered her lashes closed immediately after. This was the first time they had had an actual argument since moving in together and it sucked. But his question sucked even more.
" Of course I am. I'm extremely happy, it's just... " shaking her head, she turned to him and realised that he was finally looking right at her.
Would there ever be an instance when the sight of his grey eyes wouldn't make a shudder course through her?.... she doubted it.
" Just what? "
" What are we? " she repeated the question in a much lower voice. And he could see the emotions that she was struggling to fight back. It was only a matter of time before she gave in and let the tears fall.
He couldn't let it get to that.
" Why does it matter so much? It's a label, Crystal. Who cares what we are? And why do we have to identify and tag ourselves as anything? "
He wanted to take the waistcoat off as well. And after that he wanted to unbutton his shirt and let the cold seep into his skin. He wanted it to engulf him until it was all he could feel. Because maybe then he wouldn't have to feel the terrible dread he was currently feeling.
" I'm just... I'm scared okay? " she admitted at last. It had been fear that had been bothering her. Not for her safety, she knew she was safe whenever she was with him. But it was about something else completely.
" But why would you be scared. I promised to take care of you and I assure you ---"
" I'm not scared because of that. "
" Then what about? "
He studied her closely. Watched as she sniffled back a cry and hang her head.
" I don't want to lose you! And what guarantee do I have that I won't?.... That you won't just wake up one day and realise that you don't.... " shaking her head, she let the statement trail off. But he knew exactly what she was going to say.
" Fuck! " he cursed under his breath. Not believing that that was what had been bothering her. He sucked in a breath. Then he inched closer once again, placing his suit jacket aside before he wrapped both his arms around her. Relaxing in his hold, she held on as tightly as she could.
" Is that really what you think? That I could just stop loving you for no apparent reason? "
Digging her hand into his shirt, she looked up at him. And he took the chance to wipe away the tear that had rolled down her cheek.
" Sometimes. It's just that, well Dahlia and Miguel.... " she was unable to go on. Because she feared he would think she was pressuring him into doing something that they both were not ready for.
" They're engaged. And she's pregnant.... Double guarantee, huh? "
" Don't get me wrong, I don't want you to ---"
" I know. "
He kissed the top of her head, a prolonged kiss that was a sign of his affection. Then he realised that he wanted her closer, he wanted absolutely no distance between them. So he scooped her up and placed her on his lap.
" You're it for me baby..." her heart swelled at the use of the endearment she seldom heard from him. And when he continued talking, she felt as if it would surely burst.
" I won't lie, I don't exactly know what we are. But what I do know is what YOU are, you're everything to me. It's why I took you with me, because I couldn't even stand the thought of not having you close. "
He placed his chin on her head closed his eyes for a brief second. Needing to breathe her in, to feel her against him.
His body always responded to hers despite the situation.
" And I don't want you to be scared anymore, okay? "
She nodded. He sounded so vulnerable it was breaking her.
" I won't ever stop loving you. Quite frankly, I can't, it's impossible to do so. And from now on I want you to tell me whenever you're in any kind of pain because I... I can't stand it when you cry Crystal, you know I can't. " he finished off as a whisper.
Cupping his cheek, she drew him down for a kiss. Not knowing what she would do with all the love she felt for him because it overwhelmed even her. She was actually scared that it layered on the edge of obsession.
He was her life.
" I love you... " he said when he realised she was going to say it first, " ...I love you so fucking much it's breaking me, " he confessed. Then he traced his thumb along her eyebrow before burying his hand into her hair and silently urging her to lean against his chest.
And as she did so, she knew that she was exactly where she belonged.