Chapter 190
Brandon grew reflective and didn’t say anything for another span of lengthy seconds. “My mom is… an alcoholic.”
I really wasn’t expecting that. I’m not sure why. I think, in retrospect, all the signs were there. I just didn’t really know anyone with a serious drinking problem, so maybe I didn’t know what to look for. I definitely had no words to show I understood, so I said, “I can imagine that’s hard for both of you.”
He sort of chuckled, like he wanted to say, “To put it lightly,” or something, but he didn’t. Instead, he said, “She’s been one my whole life. When my grandparents were still alive, I spent a lot of time with them. But they died when I was ten. So, after that, I had to fend for myself a lot. She’s managed to hold down a job somehow, but the rest of the time, she’s pretty dysfunctional. And sometimes… living with her has been more than uncomfortable.”
I thought he was trying to tell me his mother had been abusive, and I felt my heart break. What must it be like to have the only parent you’ve ever known take her anger out on you? Again, I had no idea. Visions of a little Brandon crying brought tears to my eyes. “So… Saturday, you took advantage of the opportunity to leave?”
“We had another… miscommunication. She passed out, and I decided I was done. I do feel sorry for her, Cass. It’s not that I don’t love her. I just… I don’t know how to help her. And I don’t think staying there with her, continuing to take the blame for everything that’s ever gone wrong in her life, was doing either one of us any good.”
“I definitely don’t blame you for leaving, Brandon. I don’t think anyone would.”
“Why do I feel so awful about it then?”
I hated that he felt that way, but I could imagine what he was saying. “Listen, maybe you should call her, just let her know you’re okay. I know Aaron talked to her, but it will be different for her to hear your voice.”
“Yeah, so she can yell at me and remind me that I’m the same as my ‘good for nothing’ father?”
The fact that anyone would say that about Elliott made anger well up inside me. How could Amanda even say such things? It was no wonder Brandon was having such a hard time putting all of our stories about Elliott together when the only picture of him he’d ever had in his mind was of someone who abandoned him and his mom and then died. “Honestly, Brandon, she probably will be mad the first time you talk to her. She’ll probably yell at you. Most moms would do that, and if yours is having issues placing her blame in the right place, then I’m sure she’ll say some things that are just downright rude. But… you don’t want to go the rest of your life not talking to her, do you? Wouldn’t it be better to just get it over with?”
“Like ripping off a Band-Aid?”
“Or pulling staples out after surgery.” I’d never had that done before, but it sounded like it would be worse.
“Or having some weird Revolutionary War soldier insert a piece of metal into your eye?”
“With no anesthesia.”
“It wouldn’t be the pain that would make that uncomfortable,” he mumbled, which made me think that he was insinuating that being around Christian was worse than having your eye sliced. “All right, Cass. You’re probably right. I’ll give her a call. Tomorrow.”
“I think you should do it right now, but if you think tomorrow would be better….”
“If I call her right now, she won’t even remember I talked to her.”
I could tell by the grave tone to his voice that he meant that, and it tore at my heartstrings a little. “You should probably wait then.”
“Yeah.” He inhaled loudly enough for me to hear it, held it for a few seconds, and slowly let it out. “When do you think I might see you again?”
“Uh, well, I’m not sure.” The question had thrown me off. I wasn’t expecting it right that moment. It sounded like he wanted—needed—to see me almost as badly as I needed to see him. “I think my mom is a little against me coming to LIGHTS headquarters again anytime soon.”
“I can’t imagine why.”
I had to laugh. “I know. She’s so… overreacting.” I was obviously teasing as well. I was surprised my mom hadn’t locked me in my room. “But I want to see you soon, too.” I hoped I wasn’t confusing him, telling him we had to just be friends and then admitting I wanted to see him. I didn’t tell him that I felt like he was the only other person in the world who could make me feel even remotely like I was before, and I had no idea why. That might be going a little too far.
“Glad to hear it,” he said quietly. “Okay. We’ll figure it out.”
“Yeah.” I thought maybe we should use FaceTime next time we chatted, but I also didn’t know if I was ready for that. Seeing him and not actually being right next to him would be hard.
“I’ll let you go. I’m sure you need some sleep.”
“Thanks for calling,” I said, and even after he’d said goodbye and hung up, I kept the phone to my ear, trying to keep ahold of his last words a little longer.
I dreamed of the same thing I had the last few nights, even before I’d gone to Philly. Vampires, Elliott, dances, and Brandon. This time, I tried to pretend he was actually there with me, even though I knew it was all a dream, and when I opened my eyes, he’d still be in Missouri, and I’d still be in Iowa where nothing remotely exciting ever happens.
