Chapter 217
That night, I lay in my sister’s guest room listening to the silence around me, gripping my stuffed Grumpy Bear to my chest, thinking about the conversation I’d had with Cadence. It was weird being in her apartment without her here. The remodel was done, and now the penthouse was one ginormous apartment—which wasn’t my business, though I’d remembered my mother’s face when she’d visited at Christmas and realized what was going on. She’d said, “Well, it’s nice to have a roommate, I suppose….”
That wasn’t what was really on my mind, though, as I stared up at a freshly painted white ceiling. It was the idea that I would have to do my best to eavesdrop on the enemy without being detected. Part of me found it a bit exciting, sort of like being a spy in the middle of a war. Part of me found it revolting, like listening to demons talk about picking apart their prey. I didn’t want to end up a target again. I knew what that felt like; I knew how helpless I had been when Zabrina had ahold of me, when Giovani was negotiating with my sister for my release, and I could do nothing. I swore I’d never be in that position again.
And I wasn’t that little girl anymore, even if that was Elliott’s nickname for me—lil girl. That wasn’t me. In my training, I’d sparred with some experienced Hunters and Guardians, some that had been on hunts before, some that had been in combat. Ashley had gone on her first observation earlier this weekend, and she’d told me all about it earlier in the day. It was amazing. Mickey, a new Guardian, had been there, too, but he didn’t ever say much. Even though Ashley had observed in the field, I’d still kicked her butt in the ring—twice. I could do this. So why was I so scared?
Something seemed to be wrong in my head, no matter which way I turned. I could blame it on missing Elliott, longing to be at headquarters when I wasn’t, even missing Brandon, but the bottom line was I had no idea what was going on. I had no idea who I even was. Being the only one of anything in the entire world was problematic because there was no one to go to with any of the millions of questions rolling through my brain about my own mind, my body, everything. I was so nervous that Brandon was going to kiss me when he dropped me off that night, I could feel my fangs starting to slip down. He must’ve sensed something because he didn’t do it. But he could have. I honestly wished he would’ve. But not if it meant biting his face.
I closed my eyes and thought about what it would mean to actually try to contact Vampires. There were some on campus, I knew that. It shouldn’t be too hard to reach out to them. They were compliant, or else they wouldn’t be here. What if I probed their minds for information?
With a few deep breaths, I concentrated, trying to see if I could hear or sense anything. I thought about other people like me, those who’d been suddenly changed, those who felt like strangers in their own bodies. Still, nothing was coming in. It was like the station was there, but it wasn’t tuned properly, and I couldn’t get a signal no matter how furiously I wiggled the antennae. With a sigh, I gave up, deciding maybe I’d take Brandon’s advice and try a more crowded place, though that would be hard in Shenandoah. It was slightly comforting to know that opening my mind to the possibility didn’t automatically make a wave of noise wash over me. With that in mind, I felt a little more at peace, and I allowed myself to drift off to sleep.
