Chapter 278
The run didn’t make me feel any better, but by the time I had showered and eaten lunch, I decided it was time to just get this all over with, even though it was a little early. I was about to message Brandon to tell him I was ready to go, but for some reason, I didn’t. I’m not sure what it was, but I decided I needed to talk to someone about this whole situation first, and since my sister wasn’t going to be of any use, and I couldn’t talk to Elliott about his own son, I found myself heading to Jamie’s office hoping he had a few minutes to chat before he put me under.
I’d packed a duffel bag with an extra set of clothes. I had no idea what I’d be wearing for this procedure, and for a second, it felt like I was running away again, though as soon as I opened the door to the building where Jamie and Christian’s labs are, I felt silly for letting the thought cross my mind. He was sitting behind his desk with the door open, and when he heard me, he looked up and smiled. A wave of relief washed over me.
“Hi. I know I’m early, but do you have a minute?” I asked, leaning into his office with my hand on the outside of the door like I might do some sort of flip.
“For you? Of course,” Jamie replied, and I couldn’t help but smile. He has a way of making you feel like you’re the most important person in the world, even if he really is very busy doing something imperative, like putting a person back together.
I shut the door behind me and crossed the room, taking a seat across from him. He set whatever he was doing aside and folded his hands in front of him, waiting for me to say something, I assumed.
“Sorry to just barge in,” I said, not really knowing where to start and hoping to give myself a second.
“It’s okay. I was just contacting some vendors to see how much I could get for your internal organs.”
It took me a second to laugh. While Elliott and Brandon are funny in an obvious way, Jamie is so subtle, sometimes it takes me a minute when the doc jokes around. “Yeah, I’ve gotta go,” I said, and then he laughed, too.
“Listen, Cass, I know something’s bothering you. That hunt last night was rough. If you’d rather not do this today, it’s fine. We can always talk your sister into it some other time.”
“No, it’s not that,” I assured him. If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that I wanted this done sooner rather than later. I needed to find out what it was that could kill me, what it was that had potentially killed the other girl, the one like me. “It’s just… can I ask you something personal?”
He raised his eyebrows at me for a second before shrugging and saying. “Sure, I guess so. What’s up?”
I cleared my throat, still stalling. “Uh, I was just wondering… you and Ellie got along really well, like, all the time, right?”
That sad look crossed in front of his eyes, the one I tried to avoid. I know he didn’t talk about Ellie to just anyone, and I couldn’t blame him. But he had discussed her with me several times, and even though he always looks sad when he first thinks of her, the longer he talks about her, the happier he gets. “Yeah,” he finally said. “We got along great. Why?”
“Well, I was just wondering,” I began readjusting in my seat. “Did you ever fight about something and not even really know why you were mad? I mean… were you ever angry at her, but when you tried to put why into words it just sounded… stupid?”
He considered my question, and me, in silence for a while before he said, “Actually, no. Not that I can think of. The few times she irritated me it was always about something I could easily put my finger on, like asking me what I was and me changing the subject because I didn’t want to tell her yet. I was the stupid one there.” He let out a slow breath, and I remembered him telling me that he wished he would’ve told his girlfriend that bombs and bullets wouldn’t kill him before Pearl Harbor was attacked since he was certain the only reason she came out in the melee was to look for him. “But if you know the reason you’re mad at Brandon is stupid, then why are you mad at him?”
I was disappointed that he couldn’t just tell me it was completely natural to be irrationally mad for no reason, that it happens all the time. So I wasn’t sure how to answer his question. “It’s complicated, I guess,” I began, thinking Brandon was going to be upset when he found out I came over without him. “I mean… I was angry at everyone last night, especially the five of you that were there when Mina….” Died wasn’t the right word. She didn’t die. She couldn’t die. She was destroyed. Last night, the word murdered had come to mind. Part of me still wanted to go with that. Part of me wanted to say something less cruel.
“You were mad at us for ending her?”
I nodded.
“And you still are?”
“Oddly, not all of you. And I’m not just saying this because you’re about to cut me open.” He chuckled. “I wasn’t ever really mad at you. I mean, a little, but not like the rest of them. It’s super hard for me to be mad at Elliott, too, because any time I get agitated at him, I remember what it was like when he wasn’t here, and then I forgive him. But Christian, I can stay ticked off at him all day long and then some. Aaron is the one who actually… did it. And Brandon was in the room. I’m not sure what I thought he should have done differently. But yeah. I’m mad at him for that.” I looked him in the eye before I asked, “Stupid, right?”
“Nah, I wouldn’t say it’s stupid,” he said, and he legitimately didn’t look like he was lying about it either. “You were in a very stressful situation last night, Cass. I can’t imagine what it would be like watching people come in and kill another Healer. And I’m sure having Mina in your head didn’t help matters any. I don’t want to sound too much like Hannah, but your feelings are you feelings, and you should own them. Now, would I let this ruin what seems to be a pretty beautiful relationship, no. But if you need some space until you sort through your feelings, then just tell him that.”
“See—this is exactly why I came early,” I said breathing a sigh of relief. “I knew you’d make me feel better.”
He blushed a little bit, which I found humorous but didn’t laugh at. “Glad to be of service. Now, are you ready to get this show on the road?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I replied, though I was starting to feel a little nervous. I’d never been under before, except for when I almost died and Jamie hadn’t had any choice but to knock me out. “Can I ask you one more thing?” I asked, and I knew I really was prying now.
