Preetam’s Confusion

Preetam PoV:

I came to my room and found Roopa sleeping. Roopa might be tired with all the things that happened today, I thought. I caressed her hairs and gave a light kiss on her forehead. Roopa opened her eyes.

"I thought you were sleeping," I said.

"Don't stress yourself, Roopa. Sleep peacefully. Everything will be fine," I assured her.

"Pree.. Preetam," Roopa said slowly.

"Tell me, sweetheart!"

"I am ready to... "

"What Roopa? Why are you stammering like that. Tell me what you want to say."

"Preetam, yesterday you asked me, now I am ready," Roopa said.

"What are you talking? I didn't get you," I said.

"I am ready for making love," Roopa said.

What happened to Roopa? She said she would be uncomfortable for five days of her menstrual cycle.

Why did she accept me today? Is she thinking that I am just expecting sex from her? Did I make her feel like that? That thought made me feel so low, and I hated myself for creating such an opinion for her on me.

I felt that Roopa might have thought I would get angry or upset if she disagrees to get intimate with me. But it was not like that. I understood her feelings. I thought to make her know that I am not that type of husband. I pulled her closer to me.

"Roopa, you are tired today. Sleep now, baby. The relationship between husband and wife is not only physical, but it also involves the heart, mind, love and many other things," I said slowly to her.

"I don't think our relationship had all these except physical relationship," Roopa said rudely hurting my feelings.

"What do you mean, Roopa? I didn't touch until you accepted me. If you don't like me, I will stay away from you throughout my life. I love you, and it doesn't mean I love your body. Being an IPS officer you can understand only the criminal mindset of a person, but not the love of a person," I said seriously and turned another side on the bed.

What does she mean?

I tried to keep her happy, but she had hurt me. I thought a lot about her and her works. As she would join in her duty and will be busy from the next day, I didn't want her to struggle between dealing cases and caring for the family. Roopa needed time to mingle with mom and dad completely. I understood that, and though I hated Vinaya for changing Roopa's note, I called her to our home. So, that mom wouldn't feel lonely and blame Roopa though she leaves home for her work. I didn't want mom to blame Roopa for not spending time with her when she is not well. If Vinaya had stayed here for one or two days, mom would become normal. Then, I could try to make Roopa and mom close to each other. I knew that if once Roopa gets a chance to understand mom, surely she would take care of her well.

Roopa had hurt me by saying that I need only her body, but not her heart. How could she talk like that?

"Preetam!" Roopa called me keeping her hand over my back.

"Good night, Roopa!" I said as I didn't want to talk to her.

The next day, I woke up and took a shower. I was getting ready for office and Roopa came with a cup of coffee.

"Coffee!" Roopa said slowly bending her head as if she did something wrong.

I didn't react and behaved as if I didn't listen to her.

"Preetam, I am sorry. Please forgive me for being rude," Roopa said.

I looked at her for once.

"It's not your mistake, Roopa. You just said what you felt. Maybe it's true that I created such feeling in you with my behaviour. I thought I was making love to you, but never knew that you are feeling it as my lust.

Roopa, I will make you one thing clear. I would never touch you or romance with you until my last breath from now," Roopa said.

Roopa looked shocked at me.

"Preetam!" Roopa tried to say something, but I cut off her words.

"Let me complete my words, Roopa!" I said and continued.

"Though I stay away from you, I will love you forever and will keep loving you. There will be no difference in my love or care until I die," I said to her.

If Roopa didn't like that, I am ready to stay away from her throughout my life, that's true.

"Preetam, I didn't mean it," Roopa said crying.

"Roopa, please don't cry. I love you. I am not saying this with anger. See, I want you to be comfortable and happy. You no need to give yourself to me feeling it as mandatory just because you are my wife.

I can understand. You might have your problems and feelings. When you love me to the extent where you give yourself to me completely and heartfully, only that day I will touch you again. Till then let's be good friends by understanding and caring for each other," I said cupping her face and brushing off her tears.

"Preetam, I know that now you don't love me. As I am focusing on my duty more, you feel that I couldn't take care of our family. That's why you want to avoid me slowly. That's the reason you are talking like this," Roopa said and I was shocked.

What is she talking? How could she think in that way about me? I thought to ask, but shut my mouth, choosing not to hurt her.

"Roopa, you are misunderstanding me. I never have any thought to avoid you. I know that you love our family and me a lot. I am sure you will take good care of our family. You need a little time to do that," I said.

"So till that time Vinaya is going to stay here itself, right? Until she is here, I never get a chance to understand aunt and uncle," Roopa said.

"Roopa, Vinaya will stay here only for one or two days. You are daughter in law of this house, and you stay here forever. I just called her here as I thought that if you join in your duty, you will be burdened with both office and family works. Anyways, if you didn't like, I will send her from here now itself Roopa" I said smiling at her jealous against Vinaya.

I made a mistake there. It was not Roopa's jealous or possessiveness. Roopa was insecure and hurt.

"I think one day you may say that I can't handle children and all, so you will marry Vinaya to make me burden free and still you will say that you love me," Roopa said again making me angry.

"Shut up, Roopa! Do you understand what are you talking?"

I shouted at Roopa, but seeing her frightened face, I softened my tone. I thought I had hurt her unknowingly by calling Vinaya to our home. Roopa was hurt for that.

"Okay! I will send Vinaya from here. Are you happy now?" I asked, but Roopa didn't respond.

"Are you not going to your office today?" I asked Roopa as she was busy with household works.

"No! Until new mission starts, I will be a bit free," Roopa replied.

"Did you send your joining report concluding the leave?" I asked Roopa

"Yes, I mailed them the joining report," Roopa said.

"Roopa, as you are free, tell me if you want to go to your maternal home or pub. We will go there," I said, smiling to change her serious mood.

"No need, I am not interested," Roopa said maintaining her seriousness.

I held Roopa's wrist to pull her into my lap, but remembering her words; I left her. Roopa looked at me, and we both had an eye lock for some time.

"I am sorry!" I said and left for the office.

Why is Roopa misunderstanding me?

I sent Vinaya to her home as Roopa got hurt. I knew that Roopa loved me a lot, but didn't understand why she hurts me a lot too. I tried to understand her and help her to mingle with mom and dad. But, as I knew Roopa was already worried about my mom's behaviour, Roopa needs time to move freely with mom. That was the only reason behind calling Vinaya to help mom to become normal. I was always sure that Roopa is perfect for my family. Swecha was grown up in my mom's hands, so she had good bonding with them. Roopa was from a different family. She couldn't move closer to mom at once. I understood that. I thought to marry Swecha for my parents, but in Roopa's case, it was different. I loved Roopa and fought with my parents to marry her.

I didn't understand what's there in her mind and why is she talking rudely to me. I wanted her to be happy and close to my family. But, how could I make her happy and comfortable? I thought to talk to her slowly and find out what's bothering her apart from Vinaya.

Knowing her insecurities might help me in keeping her happy.