Hard to Accept

*Rowan*

“No.”

Natalie’s one word response to my proclamation takes me by surprise. I stare at her for several seconds, the way she was staring at me before, when I first told her the truth of the situation, that James and Corey are mates, but I’m not sure how to respond to that.

I’m the Alpha King. I’m not used to hearing anyone say no to me for any reason.

I turn my attention to Hezzlie. While I’ve known Natalie much longer, it’s clear that Hezzlie and the girl are friends. Perhaps she can make her understand that this isn’t something she can change just because she doesn’t like it.

My mate understands why I’m looking at her. She takes a deep breath, clears her throat, and says, “Natalie, I’m sure that’s not easy for you to hear, but if the Alpha says it’s so, well, it has to be the case.”

Natalie shakes her head wildly. “No. There’s just no way that can be the case,” she says. Then, suddenly remembering who she’s speaking to, she adds, “I’m sorry, Alpha. I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I’ve known Corey practically my whole life. He’s dated women before. He can’t possibly be mated to a man.”

My mouth moves a few times, but nothing comes out. I’m not sure what to say to that. After all, I’ve never given much thought to how one knows their sexuality. It was clear to me since I was about ten years old that I liked women. I also began to hear rumors about certain people in my pack, namely James, when we were teenagers that maybe he didn’t. I never cared either way. I know in some places, people of other persuasions are ridiculed or even harmed because of their sexuality, but we are wolves, half the time, after all, and we believe that the Moon Goddess and Mother Nature know what they are doing.

So why the hell can’t Natalie accept this?

“Just because he’s dated women, that doesn’t mean he’s not gay,” Hezzlie begins. “I know several gay or bi people out in the world where I’m from, and they all went about their realization in a different way. Maybe Corey wasn’t sure, or he thought he might be bi.”

What Hezzlie is saying makes perfect sense to me, but Natalie continues to shake her head as tears fill her eyes.

“Why are you crying?” Hezzlie asks her in a calm tone. “You knew he wasn’t your mate.”

“I know.” Natalie swipes away her tears. “But to think the Moon Goddess would rather match him with another man than me. It’s just… it just doesn’t seem right to me.”

“I’m sure it’s hard to hear that he’s found his mate, regardless of who it is,” Hezzlie continues. “But James is a wonderful person. Corey must be very special for the Moon Goddess to have chosen to put the two of them together. Think of all the people James helps. All the lives he’s saved.”

“Yes, James is wonderful,” Natalie blurts out in a tone that makes me think she doesn’t mean that at all, at least not at the moment. “But Corey is….” She shakes her head again, not able to finish the sentence.

Hezzlie finishes it for her. “Yours,” she says. “You thought he was yours. Now, you know he’s not. It’s okay, Nat. You’ll find your mate one day, and then you’ll be happy, and you’ll be happy for your friend.”

Natalie jumps to her feet. “This has been… a lot to take in. If you don’t mind, Alpha, Princess, I’d like to retire to my room.”

“Of course,” I tell her. Hezzlie watches Natalie go, biting on her lower lip, and I know she’s worried.

I sink down on the couch next to her, taking Natalie’s spot. Slowly, Hezzlie leans back, and I wrap an arm around her shoulders. 

“Well, that didn’t exactly go as planned,” I murmur.

She shakes her head. “Seeing Wilma down there was hard on her. Maybe she’s just still reacting to that.”

“Maybe.”  I don’t know what else to say.

“Poor Natalie.”

“How are you?” I know that Hezzlie is perfectly fine knowing about James and Corey. In fact, she’s probably very happy for James, though she doesn’t know Corey yet. But seeing Wilma can’t have been easy on her.

She shrugs. “Fine, I guess. I wish Wilma would’ve had some excuse for the way she acted, like Alistair was brainwashing her, too, but that wasn’t the case. She made those decisions on her own. She betrayed the whole pack. I still can’t believe it.”

“Neither can I,”  I admit, though it’s getting easier with time. “But love makes people do crazy things, I guess.”

“I guess,” she echoes. Hezzlie takes a deep breath and looks at me. “Do Luna Queens get some sort of equivalent to a Beta?”

My eyebrows raise. “Uhm, sort of. The Beta’s wife usually plays that role—which will be good for you, since that will be Abby. Why do you ask?” I expect to see her react positively to that response, but instead, her shoulders slump slightly.

“I was hoping to give Natalie some sort of position,” she tells me. “Something better than a maid.’

“Even after that reaction?” I’m probably still hung up on the fact that she told me no.

“Yes,” Hezzlie says without hesitation. “She’s been my friend longer than Abby, and she hasn’t attacked me and made me have to almost kill her.”

For some reason, that answer makes me laugh. Hezzlie raises an eyebrow, and then we both laugh together, which would probably seem demented to anyone else, but we are on the same page. 

Eventually, the laughter dies down, and Hezzlie rests her head on my shoulder. I think she’s starting to realize just how many little challenges there are in this ruling a kingdom business, and she probably has a better understanding of why I was almost always in a bad mood before.

“I should go check on the fellow that broke his leg,” I tell her, though I don’t want to get up.

“Can I go with you?” She doesn’t turn her head to look at me, only snuggles in deeper.

“Of course.” Neither of us move. I’d be content to just hold her in my arms for the rest of the day, but duty calls. Eventually, I let out a sigh and push myself up off the couch. I extend a hand to her, and she takes it. I yank her up and into my arms where we are frozen again for a few minutes until I can finally will myself to start walking toward the infirmary.

In some ways, having Hezzlie makes my life easier. I have a clearer purpose and something to look forward to every evening. But it also makes my life harder because it’s so easy to shank my responsibilities and just hold her all the time. I’m not sure if that will wear off eventually, but part of me hopes not.

In the midst of a complicated life, loving her is easy.