Free Rein

*Hezzlie*

It’s my eighteenth birthday.
The day I become a woman.
And, apparently, the day I become a wolf.
At least, that’s what I’m told.
For the last couple of nights, I’ve gone back into the forest with Dr. Bolton and Dean so I can watch them shift. I’ve met a few other people as well, including Natalie, who is nice and just went through all of this. She has been keeping her distance from me, like everyone, though, probably because as soon as I learn how to do this it’s all over. She told me that it doesn’t hurt, and it’s not really scary. It’ll just happen naturally as soon as the moonlight hits my skin for the first time.
So that’s what I’m counting on for later tonight.
Since I already had my party, I don’t expect any special treatment, but Wilma brings in a nice tray full of pancakes for breakfast with whipped cream and strawberries. It’s a nice gesture and I appreciate it.
I also text my mom several times. I’ve decided not to tell her anything about the wolves. It just seems silly to try and write that out. After that first night, I was going to beg her to come and get me, but the more I think about it, the more I realize I need to see if what they are telling me is right.
Do I feel crazy? Yes. But… do I think they are all crazy? Also yes.
If I go out into the forest tonight with Dr. Bolton, Dean, and whoever else happens to be there, and I happen to turn into a wolf, I’m not sure if that will be the last nail in my coffin of insanity or if it’ll make me feel vindicated, like maybe I haven’t been insane this entire time.
That’s why I have to stay and find out.
The day wears on with nothing in particular happening. It is nice to have my phone back, but there’s no wifi here, and I can’t get a strong enough signal up in the mountains to do much more than text my mom. I text a few of my friends from school, but they are more interested in what’s going on at college than hearing about how life is with me.
It makes me sad. I should be in college now, too. I started school when I was four because I was “advanced.” I had a whole future ahead of me. Now, I’ve lost at least a semester. Mom is looking into colleges for the spring semester. That’s promising.
Right now, though, I have to figure out what to do with this information that I have that I am part human part wolf.
That voice I sometimes hear in my head has been louder than usual today. She seems excited. I guess she should be if she finally gets to make her debut tonight.
It’s a bit past 11:00 when Dr. Bolton knocks on my door. I know it’s him because of the cadence. I’m ready to go out into the woods, so I open it with my jacket on. He’s got Dean and Natalie with him. She looks nervous and is carrying a bag. I look at it, and she says, “Extra clothes. For you.”
I nod. That makes sense. I really don’t want to be naked in front of Dr. Bolton or Dean.
I look around the hallway expectantly, but I already know that’s stupid. No one else is here. No one else is coming.
“Are you ready?” Dr. Bolton tries to force his voice into sounding chipper and fails.
I nod. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
We head down the hallway, no one saying anything, down the stairs, around the back, and out the door. There’s a brisk chill in the air, and a breeze stirs the autumn leaves that dance through the air and land on the ground, crunching beneath our feet. The moon, which isn’t full but is bright enough to illuminate our path, is slightly obscured by thin clouds.
I draw in a deep breath and will my feet to keep walking to the clearing. Dr. Bolton has explained to me how all of this works several times. I’ll stand in the clearing and allow my wolf to come forward. The moon really has nothing to do with it, but for a first shift, it’s sort of a signal for the wolf that it’s time to take over. He said after this I’ll be able to call my wolf whenever I want to–anytime of day, indoors or outdoors. But this is a sort of right-of-passage situation. It’s a way for me to let my wolf know she is free to take charge whenever I allow her to.
When we reach the clearing, Dr. Bolton turns to face me. “Listen, Hezzlie. When you shift, your wolf is going to want you to take off running. Since this is unfamiliar territory to you, be careful. Most of the land here is safe for her to run through. You found one of the ravines the other night. She should have good enough vision and coordination not to fall over a cliff, but there are tall fences and walls around the mansion that you may also encounter. Don’t try to jump them, no matter how gung ho your wolf seems to be. Just try to take it easy if you can.”
I raise an eyebrow. I had no idea my wolf was going to want to run. That makes me even more nervous than I already was.
Sensing my unease, Dean says, “Don’t worry, Hez. We’ll keep you safe. And if you hear or see any other wolves, just know that they’re here to protect you.”
I nod, but then I wonder what will happen if I start running, and the trees turn all gnarled and dark? “What if I can’t shift back?” I hear the tremble in my own voice.
“You’ll be able to,” Dr. Bolton assures me. “Don’t worry about that.”
I stare at him blankly for a moment, wanting to remind him that I’ve had nightmares every night for months about just that topic. There has to be a reason for it. But he knows that. What’s he going to say that will make me feel better anyway?
“Are you ready?” he asks me.
I nod.
“Anything you wanna keep, you’d best take off,” Dean warns.
I take off my jacket, and Natalie takes it, wordlessly. I kick off my shoes. I’ve worn a shirt and jeans I’m not particularly attached to, though everything in my closet is nice.
Now, I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.
“It’ll be fine,” Dr. Bolton says again.
I step into the moonlight. The clouds part. I close my eyes. “All right, voice inside of my head. It’s your turn,” I think to myself.
I hear her spark to life. “Well, it’s about time.”
“Just be sure to let me have control back when you’re done,” I more ask than tell.
She laughs, and then, the strangest sensation I’ve ever felt in my life gives way. My body begins to contort, my bones shifting, my hair erupting into fur that covers my entire body. I feel my back hunch as my clothes are ripped away, and I’m plummeted into a prone position with my hands now on the ground. Except, they’re not hands.
I look down to see black paws. Black forelegs. A black chest.
I am a black wolf.
Not just black but black black. Inky black. The color of the night sky between the stars black. I look up and catch Dr. Bolton’s eyes, and his are wide with shock. “Wow,” he murmurs.
I spin to look at Dean and Natalie, and they are equally as stunned.
I’m not sure if this is because of just how incredibly dark my fur is or if it's something else, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve surrendered myself to my wolf, and without any choosing on my part, I dart off into the woods, letting her take control.
I sprint between trees, leaping over fallen timber, over boulders, and dodging around thickets. I crash through a meandering brook, dampening my fur before slipping up the slope on the other side and changing direction so quickly I slide around the corner. I can’t help the wolfy grin on my face as I pick up speed and tear in another direction.
The trees are all the same here as the forest I’m used to. Bright evergreens, deciduous trees with vibrantly colored fall leaves and warm brown bark. Nothing like the scary forest of my nightmares appears in my wake as I continue to run. The ground feels inviting beneath my paws, begging me to keep going, and no matter how long I run, I don’t feel tired at all. My lungs don’t heave, my muscles don’t ache, and my heart beats a normal rhythm against my newly formed rib cage.
When I cut through a clearing and the moonlight hits me just right, I feel even more energized. I could run all night. I don’t see any other wolves and have no idea where Dr. Bolton, Dean, and Natalie are, let alone the others they mentioned. If they are here, they are keeping a distance.
Eventually, I come to a tall wall and figure this is the marker they warned me about. I’m at the edge of the mansion grounds. I turn and head the other direction, running with no care at all.
After several hours, I finally begin to grow a bit tired. The idea that I’m going to have to shift back fills my mind. I’m leery of it. That’s where the true horror of my nightmares always sets in.
I’m going to have to face my fears eventually.
With a deep breath, I ask my wolf if she knows how to get back to the clearing. I assume I’ll meet everyone there. She seems to know which way to go and turns in a different direction. We’ve been running around the same forest this whole time, so it’s not like we have to trace the exact path to get back to where we started.
When I return to the clearing, Natalie is there. “Are you ready to shift back into your human form?”
I nod, and she opens the bag she brought out for me, producing some clothes. I’m nervous. What if this doesn’t work? I look around, but I don’t see Dr. Bolton or Dean. I assume they are giving me some privacy.
“It’s fine,” Natalie whispers. “Just tell your wolf to shift back. She knows what to do.”
I suck in more air and imagine myself back in my human form, asking my wolf kindly to help me.
She obliges, much to my surprise and delight, and a moment later, I’m naked in the woods. Natalie averts her eyes as I take the clothes she’s offered me and get dressed, though I’m not too concerned about her seeing me.
Once I’m dressed, Dr. Bolton and Dean appear. “Well, done!” the doctor says.
“I knew you could do it, Hez.” Dean pats my shoulder.
“Let’s go inside.” Dr. Bolton starts walking down the path that leads out of the clearing.
I follow along, feeling accomplished, though, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit even to myself that I’m slightly upset that Rowan never made an appearance. I was hoping he would, even though that’s kind of silly. Why would he?
As we near the entrance to the mansion, I see movement out of the corner of my eye. I turn my head to see that massive golden wolf and know that it’s the Alpha King himself. He’s majestic, standing there in the moonlight, glowing with radiance.
I want to ignore him and go inside. He hasn’t paid any attention to me for days, after all. But looking at him has my feet stopping in their tracks, and my wolf chimes back in, crying out in a way she hasn’t since I gave her free rein.
I’m not sure what she means; she’s just repeating the same word over and over again, and I have no idea why.
Since I’m going to need help with this one, I find myself whispering it aloud, hoping one of my companions will explain.
I hear them all gasp when I whisper the word, “Mate.”