Problems With Friends

*Hezzlie*

I should’ve knocked. I probably should’ve done more than knock–I probably shouldn’t have come to Rowan’s office at all. But I wanted to talk to him about Dean and Abby, And I thought, after what’s happened between us, I could come and go as I please.
Hearing what he just shouted into the phone should probably make me feel different, but after I get over the shock of what he said–”I’m going to have so much fun fucking your daughter on your throne, you asshole.”--and seeing his face, I can’t help my response.
I start fucking laughing my head off.
I have to cover my mouth, I’m laughing so hard. I double over and just stand there, leaning against the door while he calls out, “Hezzlie? Are you okay?” several times.
He comes over to me while I still can’t breathe, and I feel his warm hand on my back. “Hezzlie? I’m so sorry,” he says, and I realize then that he must think I’m crying. “I was talking to your father and was just trying to piss him off. I didn’t mean for you to hear that. I mean, not in that context anyway. Hezzlie? Hezzlie?”
By then, I’m able to look up at him. I wipe tears from my eyes and put a hand on his chest. “I’m… fine,” I tell him. I should probably try to use the mind-link to tell him that I’m laughing and not crying, but I can’t even get that to work properly because I’m laughing so hard.
It dawns on him then. “Are you… fucking laughing?”
I nod my head enthusiastically, and he swears under his breath. “Goddess, I thought you were pissed.”
I’m still trying to catch my breath, but when he pulls me against his chest and holds me there, I can hear how hard his heart is hammering against his ribcage. He’s legitimately worried about this–about me–and that is shocking to me because I had no idea he would care so much about how I feel.
It takes a few minutes, but I finally calm down. He kisses the top of my head. “Are you okay?”
“I am,” I finally manage to say. “I was surprised at first, but then I realized you had to be talking to Alpha King Solomon, and it makes sense that you would say something so crass to him.”
“He doesn’t know you’re my mate, right?” he asks me.
I look up at him and see a vulnerability in his eyes I’ve never seen before, and it makes me feel closer to him than I ever have before. “No. I didn’t tell anyone except for Abby and Aiden, and it took forever for me to tell them.”
“He called wanting Aiden back,” Rowan explains, his arms still wrapped tightly around me. “I was basically telling him if he didn’t go away and stop attacking us, I was going to kill him and desecrate his precious throne.”
My head rocks back and forth as I process that. I fully understand what he’s saying, but part of it stands out enough to me to feel a sharp pain in my gut. “He wants Aiden back?”
“That’s what he started with.” Rowan’s tone is cautious, and I can tell he understands where I’m going with this. “I’m sure he wants you back, too, though probably for different reasons.”
“Right.” I take a deep breath. Why do I feel bad that my father–who is the worst fucking asshole in the universe–is more interested in getting my brother back than he is me? After all, my brother grew up with my father, and his mother is still there in the castle, probably wondering what the hell happened and why her son is no longer there.
And let’s face it, the only reason my father ever wanted me at all was so that he could sneak a weapon into the mansion and potentially use me as another one. It’s not as if he’s ever actually cared about me.
“Hezzlie?” Rowan practically whispers. “Are you okay?”
I nod against his chest. “I’m fine. Just thinking.”
He squeezes me even tighter, and I feel safe. I have to remind myself that I’m here now with the people that really care about me–my mom, Abby, Natalie, Wilma, Dean, James, and most importantly, Rowan. He might’ve had a strange way of showing it at first, but he does care about me. I think sometimes he could actually love me. I’m pretty sure I love him, and even though the man screaming into the phone is the version of him I’ve known the longest, that’s not the real him. The real him is the one making sure I’m okay.
It doesn’t even matter to me that the two of us feel this way about one another partially because of a higher power making us feel that way. Just because something else ignited the passion within us, that doesn’t make it any less real.
For a moment, I picture Rowan taking me on my father’s throne, and I’m ready to start laughing again. Maybe we will do that one day, after my father’s dead. That should be soon. I don’t feel bad at all hoping that he dies and Aiden can take over the kingdom.
“We’ll have to buy Aiden a new chair,” I mumble.
“What’s that?” Rowan tips his head to the side, confused.
“After we’re done fucking on my father’s throne, we’ll have to buy Aiden a new one. We can’t expect my brother to use that throne to rule Darksky from, after all.”
Rowan snickers. “Yeah, good point. Did you need something, babe?”
I blink a few times and then say, “Oh,” remembering that I did come in here for a reason. “Yeah. I wanted to talk to you about James.”
I see a flash of jealousy behind his eyes before he blinks it away. “What about him?”
Before I can explain, the phone starts to ring again. Rowan curses under his breath and walks over to the desk. I trail him, noticing a light flashing on the phone. “It’s your fucking father again,” he explains.
“Can you block him?” I ask.
Rowan’s eyes widen. “It’s a landline, Hezzlie,” he says, like I don’t know what that is. “You can’t block a number on a landline.”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I’ve never had one before.”
Rowan picks the receiver up, bangs it back down, and then takes it off again, setting it on the desk. I’m confused, but I don’t want him to know that. I’m sure that whatever not hanging up the phone does will prevent my father from calling back.
He steers me to a sitting area across the room. “What did you want to talk about James for, babe?”
I take a deep breath and sit, and Rowan reaches for my hand, which I give him. It’s nice, sitting here with our knees touching, holding hands, like an actual couple. We’re just going to chat about a few of our friends–I guess. “Well, I was just wondering if he has a mate yet.”
“Not that he knows of. At least, if he knows who it is, he hasn’t told me. Why?”
“Isn’t he like almost 30 or something?” He half-nods but doesn’t give me an exact answer. “Shouldn’t he know?”
“We’ve been pretty sheltered lately,” he reminds me. “A lot of my people haven’t had a chance to interact with people from other kingdoms. That could be why. What’s going on?”
“I know this probably isn’t my story to tell,” I begin, “but I need your help. Dean thinks Abby is his mate, but Abby either thinks or hopes that James is her mate, and I’m not sure what to do.”
Again, Rowan stares at me for a long moment before he says, “You don’t do anything.”
Now, it’s my turn to cock my head to the side and stare at him. “What?”
“Why would you need to do anything?” he asks me. “They’re adults. Let them figure it out.”
“Well, because they're my friends,” I try to explain to him. “And Dean and Abby both confided in me how they’re feeling. I can’t tell Abby that Dean thinks she’s his mate, and I can’t tell Dean that Abby is interested in James, but when they find out that I knew and didn’t do anything, they’re going to get mad. At me.”
He half-shrugs and shakes his head. “They wouldn’t have any reason to get mad at you. It’s not our business.”
My mouth drops open as I try to figure him out. “Do you know what it’s like to have actual friends? Like, not people that you can boss around because you’re their king but true friends?”
He sounds a little offended when he says, “I have friends, Hezzlie.”
“Okay, then you know that it’s important to be a good friend and help your friends when they’re in a tough spot. If I do nothing, I’ll be the bad guy.”
“But can’t you just tell them that you don’t want to get involved?”
“Not without giving something away to the other one,” I try to explain. “If I tell Abby I can’t help her figure out if James is her mate, then she’ll be crushed because she doesn’t know it’s because I already know that Dean is her mate, unless of course, Dean isn’t actually her mate and just thinks that she is. If I don’t do anything to help him, and he sees her flirting with James, then he’ll think I’m not trying to help him. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard Dean.”
He shakes his head at my silly attempt to make a joke. “And you think I can help you with this?”
“Well, no, obviously not,” I admit. “But I wanted to know if James has a mate.”
“Honestly?” He leans toward me slightly and lowers his voice. “I think James’s mate might be… a dude.’
“What?” I’m trying to figure out if he’s insinuating that James is gay without coming right out and saying it.
“It’s not very common amongst our people because there aren’t too many of us to begin with, and the Moon Goddess doesn’t like to take any chances on us not breeding and having more children, but I’ve always gotten the impression he might discover his mate is a guy,” Rowan explains.
“Oh.” What he’s saying makes sense to me now, but I’ve never picked up on that with James before, and I’m usually pretty good at noticing such things because I have several friends who are gay.
“I’m not sure he’s looking to find a mate,” Rowan continues. “Although, I’d be lying if I didn’t sometimes think he might be interested in you.”
“So you think I’m a dude?” I make a face at him, and he laughs. “Or are you just jealous of anyone who looks at me kindly?”
“More the latter,” he admits. “Listen, Hezzlie, you do have a point. I am everyone’s king here, so it’s hard for me to have friendships like other people do.”
“I didn’t mean–” I begin, but he cuts me off.
“No, you’re right. I don’t have to worry about whether or not people are mad at me because they’re going to be nice to me anyway. But then, you’re kind of in a similar situation now.”
It occurs to me then that I am about to be these people’s Luna Queen, one day, anyway, so maybe they should be nice to me regardless of whether or not I mess this up. Not that Abby is a member of our pack, but I get what Rowan’s saying. Still, I want to help if I can.
“If you get involved, you might make a bigger mess out of it,” he tells me. “And honestly, we’ve got bigger problems.” He looks across the way at my father’s castle, and I know that’s true.
I take a deep breath. “I’ll try to stay out of it.”
“That’s what I would suggest.” He leans over and kisses my cheek, and I move to capture his lips before he can pull away. The kiss lengthens, and I suddenly don’t care about my friends’ problems or anything else.
But then Rowan sighs and pulls away from me, and I figure he’s getting another message in his head. “It never stops, does it?” I ask him.
He shakes his head. “Not on a day like today.”
I give him a sympathetic smile and pull myself up. “I’ll let you get back to work. Thanks for your help.”
“Sorry I wasn’t actually helpful.” He stands, too, probably going back to his desk.
“You were,” I assure him, but when I wave goodbye and walk back into the hallway, I still have no idea what I should do.