Chapter 18 - flashback

** Flashback**
Ever since Wren Austin left the hospital, she has not been the same. But she couldn’t be blamed. Her life no longer had any meaning. Her source of inspiration, her driving force, her backbone was no more.
At times, she would sit on the window chair In her mother’s room looking through the window for hours and hours, until tears start running down her cheeks and will only wake up from her daydream to find her dress completely soaked. Sometimes, this will happen whilst she was in the kitchen, forcing herself to cook a little something for her stomach, and will only realise herself when the fire alarm went off.
Several times, Mrs Jefferson and her daughter Gwendolyn had come home to meet the girl holding a knife against her wrist.
She didn’t have the zeal to live. Breathing for the past few days has been a luxury for her.
A luxury she couldn’t afford.
She was suffocating.
Since her discharge, she has not been able to fully grieve as she was trying to process and adjust to the news.
Wren Austin wanted to scream. She wanted to let out all the pain she was feeling. She wanted to scream at the world for snatching a priceless part of her. She wanted to scream at God, that is, if there was a God, for leaving her all along in a cruel world.
But she couldn’t.
The eighteen-year-old clutched tightly to the pendant her mom had gifted to her a few weeks back as she walked towards her knocking door.
The young blonde stood there for a while, taking in several breaths before opening the door to see some of their neighbours giving her pitiful stares. At once, the women took Wren in their arms, offering their condolences to her, some asking her to be strong, whilst the others expressed their familiarity with the pain she was feeling.
Wren smiled at their sinicism because she could hardly feel an iota of sympathy coming from them. Those women were shallow and heartless and the young teen knew they only came over for the sake of it, and not because they gave any fucks about her, or her mother.
Later that evening, Wren, Mrs Jefferson and Gwendolyn came over to finalise the funeral program. The older woman was shocked when she found out that Wren had not had a bite of food for the past three days. She’d forced the teen to eat, and she had, but immediately ran to the toilet to empty her bowels.
“I’m sorry Mrs Jefferson, but nothing seems to settle in my stomach” the teen apologised.
“Perhaps, you and Giovanni have been active at it” Joked Mrs Jefferson.
Normally, that will make Wren blush, or maybe even reply with something sarcastic. But not today.
One because she had been preoccupied with the troubles of life that the thought of getting freaky with her boyfriend had not crossed her mind.
And two because, Wren just realized that, she hasn’t heard a word from Giovanni since the day they walked home from school.
“I’m sorry Wren. That was meant to make you smile” Mrs Jefferson apologised and the teen brushed it away with a smile on her face.
“It’s alright. I know you meant no harm” Wren replied, then excused herself to her room.
Mrs Jefferson, worried that she may have upset the teen, sent her daughter upstairs to check up on her.
“Hey, are you alright? My mom is worried her statement got you upset” Gwen said as she took a seat on Wren’s bed.
“Oh, no. Yeah, it’s fine. I’m alright” Wren dismissed, searching her phone for any messages or calls from her boyfriend she might have missed. And when she didn’t find any, her heart sank further.
“Tell me, Gwen, have you heard or seen Gio? It’s weird he hasn’t been around since I left the hospital and he hasn’t called either” Wren tried to mask the worry in her voice as she questioned.
“Hmm. That’s weird. But no, I haven’t heard from him either. If you want, we can go over to the Watford mansion after, you know… the” Gwendolyn couldn’t finish her statement. She feared her choice of words might sound insensitive.
“Yeah” Wren replied nonchalantly. “We’ll see”
*******
The weather Saturday morning was a gloomy one and matched the teen’s mood. She sat in Mrs Jefferson’s car and looked outside the window. They were fast approaching the cemetery and the car that had her mother’s body was riding behind them.
The cemetery was empty, with only Mrs Jefferson, Gwendolyn and some boys from the funeral home, who waited impatiently to lower the casket so they can be on their way.
It wasn’t long before the priest rounded up with his sermon and the teen was asked to say a few words for her mother. Mrs Jefferson placed a comforting hand on Wren’s shoulder, silently telling her she could do this.
The teen stepped forward.
“Mom, thank you” she began, then paused as she felt her voice start to waver.
“For the best years of my life. For the countless times, you put a smile on my face and for the memories we made. Thank you for teaching me how to love, how to forgive, and most importantly, how to stand up for myself. Your departure was so sudden, ripping away a better part of me. I loved you dearly, and even now, I still love you. You hold a special place in my heart, and I wouldn’t let the pain your death has caused mar the smiles you have given me when you are alive. Farewell, mom” Wren finalized, clutching to her pendant.
Mrs Jefferson squeezed her shoulders in congratulations for the brave font she wore as she bid her mom farewell.
Wren herself didn’t know if she was supposed to be proud, or ashamed of herself for not crying.
“That was lovely” the priest commented and then proceeded with the funeral rites. Soon, the boys were ordered to position the casket and get set to lower it down.
The pain Wren felt as her mother’s casket was being lowered was something out of this world. Almost as if her chest was being torn without any morphine. Wren’s eyes were fixated on the casket until she heard a loud tugging, indicating that it has touched the floor.
The priest gave Wren the honour to throw the first ground over the casket, which she did. Soon, the boys took over and gradually covered the casket with the ground.
Only then did it finally sink in.
Her mom was no more. She was officially alone.
Still, Wren didn’t cry.
Minutes had passed since the boys from the funeral home and the priest had gone when Wren Austin finally decided to leave.
“Mrs Jefferson, if it’s no hassle, can you please drive me to the Watford mansion? I haven’t heard from Giovanni in days and I’m worried for him” murmured the teen.
Mrs Jefferson smiled at Wren for showcasing such bravery and concern. It hasn’t been up to an hour since she buried her mom and she was worried for her boyfriend.
“No problem my dear,” said the woman.
Wren looked outside the window, smiling faintly to herself as she saw people carry on with their lives with so much ease and smiles plastered on their faces.
It was almost as if she was from another universe filled with darkness and pain, and was driving through a happy one.
The gates of the Watford mansion opened and Mrs Jefferson drove in. Once parked, Wren stepped out and made her way to the large doors. She knocked and patiently waited for the doors to open.
"Hey, Wren. I'm so sorry for your loss" was the first thing Mr O'connell said to the teen the moment he opened the door.
"Thank you. Is Giovanni around? I haven't heard from him" she cut straight to the chase.
"Oh, that's weird. Didn't he tell you? He left for Kansas earlier this morning" the man replied with a frown on his face.
"Oh, okay. When will he be back?"
"I don't know, maybe after five years or more" replied Mr O'connell with a confused look on his face.
"Didn't he tell you?" he added.
Wren was speechless and was trying to make sense of what he had just said.
Her boyfriend had left town and wouldn't be back for who knows how long without informing her. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. For a split second, she thought Mr O'connell was playing a sick prank on her, but after seeing the look of pity and embarrassment on his face, Wren knew he wasn't.
"Thank you" she replied and turned her back and walked away without looking back.
Hearing this, and after burying her mom, Wren couldn't bare it any longer. Tears rolled down her cheeks and this time, she didn't fight it.
She cried.


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