Chapter 29- A visit

Wren Austin didn’t sleep a wink. Throughout the night, she continually tossed and turned in bed. Occasionally, she’d pick up her phone, scroll through whatever could keep her entertained until that eventually bored her out.
Then, she had shifted to her window chair with her duvet and looked out her windows for the stars. For the first ten minutes or so, star-gazing brought her some solace, but that didn’t last long as her mind began to wonder, thereby making her restless.
In the end, the blonde got more restless and decided it was best to stay in bed and overthink.
At least, she’ll be comfy.
It was six a.m when the blonde was able to close her eyes, but she was wide awake by eight a.m. and the very instant she got out of the bed, her conversation with Gwendolyn began to replay in her mind, making her once again restless.
She couldn’t seem to catch a break.
She hated it. She hated the fact that no matter how hard she tried, she ended up getting in her head. Gwendolyn made a brilliant point when she had asked her not to overthink things with Giovanni. She had advised her to go with the flow and see where it leads. That was smart.
She just wished her thoughts and willpower could work together because she was going crazy.
How could she not overthink? Accepting to go on a date with Giovanni may be the start of something, and that something was what had the blonde restless. In the span of hours, she had mentally come up with a list of positive and negative things. And of course, the negative outweighed the positive.
Wren Austin felt she should have taken that as a sign from the heavens and call off the date.
But she didn’t.
She instead beat herself up searching for reasons not to call off the date.
She knew she was setting herself up for a possible heartache, still, she didn’t let that stop her.
Times like this, she wished her mom was still alive.
After showering that morning, and taking a strong cup of coffee to enable her move on with her day, the blonde left her apartment for the cemetery. She figured a trip to her mother’s grave could give her some clarity.
Wren Austin didn’t live far from the cemetery and so within fifteen minutes, she had gotten some flowers from a shop and was smiling currently at the old man who worked as sexton as she walked past the gates of the cemetery.
The further she walked, the quieter it became. So much that Wren could have sworn she heard voices in the gushing of the wind. At last, she was standing before her mother’s tomb.
Wren Austin had a smile plastered on her face as she got to her knees and gently place the flowers she had gotten. Then, she trailed her hands on the slab that had the name ‘Louisa Wren Lopez’ written in calligraphy writing.
“Hey, mom” the blonde began but paused for a while.
“It’s been a while, huh? I missed you” she added. After that, Wren didn’t know what to say. She felt ashamed of herself for as it has been a while since she last visited her mom. Now, it felt like she was a stranger.
“I’m sorry, mom. For not visiting as much as I would want to. I wish I could say I’ve been busy with work, but that will be a lie” she paused.
Wren Austin felt a pool tears form in her eyes. Guilt washed over her.
She knew the reason behind her actions. She knew that her mom must be ashamed of the woman she had become, and Wren couldn’t bare that thought.
She didn’t even have the courage to blurt it out loud.
Then, she tried to blame her absence on something else, regardless if it’s farfetched or not. But nothing concrete come to mind.
“I can only imagine the number of times you’ve looked down at my actions and shake your head in disappointment. I know that wasn’t what you wished for me, mom. Now I have to face the consequences of my actions and it feels ike I am suffocating” Wren Austin wiped her eyes.
“I am drained mom. Mentally, psychically and emotionally. I don’t know for how much longer I can cope” the blonde rested her head on her knees and sobbed some more.
Tears rolled down her cheeks like a running river with no end. The blonde cried and cried until she began to sob.
Her mind was once again getting the best of her. Wren Austin knew that her mom could never be ashamed of her. If anything, she knew she was proud of the woman she had become. She could picture what her mom would have said to her.
“My sunshine, my rare gem. I will never be ashamed of the woman you have become. You are the strongest, brilliant and the most determined person I know and I am honoured and proud that I birthed you”
Those words made her feel relieved. Like the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders. Wren Austin did not realize how suffocated and lonely she had been until she visited her mom’s grave. Venting and the quiet somehow gave her solace.
It was a while after and the blonde had calmed down from crying. Her eyes were red and puffy, but she didn’t give a damn.
“So, I’m sure you know Giovanni is back in town?” it was meant to be a statement, although it sounded like a question.
“I don’t know what to do mom. I tried to avoid him mom, I swear I did, especially after what he did to me. Do you think I was too harsh on him for leaving me? He broke my heart mom, and it took me years to get over it. Now my stupid heart seems to have forgotten all what he did and basically won’t stop beating for him” the blonde grumble.
“Urgh. This is so frustrating mom. I don’t know what to do” Wren Austin said with a pout.
“He asked me out on a date, you know. I’ve thought a lot about it and the logically part of me is asking me to decline. But of course, my silly heart won’t comply and is searching for every reason to go. I’m confused, what do you think I should do?” Wren finalized and searched the quiet for an answer. Soon, the blonde was smiling and nodding to herself.
“Yeah, I think so too. Thank you mom. I love you”

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