Chapter 42

**Blue**


In the seconds following Artemis asking if he can kiss me, I realize something. I cannot resist him. Everything about him makes me furious half the time but he’s looking at me now so intensely that my whole body suddenly comes alive. It doesn’t care about putting limits between us. All it wants is him and I feel betrayed!

“Blue?” His voice is tight, and his body is stiff like he’s trying really hard not to move.

I’m doing that to him. Someone wants me so badly that he has to forcefully hold back from taking what he wants. What we both want if I’m being honest with myself. I mean that kiss we had in front of the press was amazing, but it had been spontaneous. This kiss is going to be different I can already tell. There is a lot more tension between us and I know this is going to be the kiss that will officially change things between us.

“Yes?” My voice comes out like a high-pitched squeak making Artemis smile like the smug bastard he is.

“Nervous little Blue?” He asks.

I roll my eyes at him and suddenly don’t feel quite as nervous.

“Just kiss me you asshole before I change my mind.”

He chuckles and brushes his thumb along the side of my neck. “With pleasure.”

My heart jolts for a split second before Artemis’s lips touch mine. I try not to get lost in the kiss but he’s a really good kisser. The hand that had been dancing along my neck before is firmly resting against it now and it feels like Artemis is trying to hold me still. Does he feel how much I want to give in to him? Is it that obvious?

The kiss is slow and deep. Our lips fit together so seamlessly like they were always meant to touch. I let go and allow myself to feel everything. The way waves and waves of chills run along my skin. The warmth of his body seeping into mine. The feel of his heart beating under my hand that’s still resting on his chest. His heart is racing just as fast as mine which makes me feel a lot better. I smile against his lips, and he stops kissing me to pull away and look down at me.

“Why are you smiling?” he asks, looking adorably confused.

“Your heart is racing. Do I make you nervous Mr. Rhodes?”

“Not at all Mrs. Rhodes.” He smirks down at me and closes the space between us again before I can remind him that we aren’t married yet.

We get lost in the kiss again, but it quickly becomes more intense. The arm that had been wrapped around my waist moves down and his other arm soon follows until his hands are wrapped around my thighs. He lifts me off my feet and I wrap my legs around his waist so that I don’t fall on my ass like a goof. I also wrap my arms around his neck as an extra precaution, and I realize it makes kissing him so much better. I don’t have to crane my neck anymore! This is a make-out position I can get behind.

Our lips nip and glide against each other and I can feel an ache starting that makes me freeze for a second. It’s something I’ve felt before, but I didn’t know what it was then. That other man told me it was normal and that I would like it. He told me that he would make me feel good…but it didn’t feel good. It felt wrong.

I pull away from Artemis and struggle to get back on my feet.

“Blue? What’s wrong?”

Once again, I’m drowning in a nightmare. I wrap my arms around myself as the sounds and smells of that night rush back like it’s all around me.

His sweaty hands touching me…his big body over mine…his alcohol breath too close to my face…

“Blue? What’s going on?” Artemis asks me, and unlike before his voice sounds clear.

I look at him and I see him…my fiancé, not the man who tried to hurt me all those years ago.

Artemis moves slowly toward me and I have to fight the urge to pull away.

Oh god, why does this keep happening?

“Blue?” He moves closer to me, and I hate the worry in his eyes.

I’m such a mess. How can we do this if I keep being sent through reels of my life if he says or does something that triggers them? I don’t want him to draw away from me out of worry. I don’t want to be the reason space grows between us, but how can it not? How can things be normal between us if this keeps happening?

When I kiss Artemis, I want to see and feel only him. I don’t want to think of the man who destroyed a part of me so early in my life.

“Blue? Can you hear me?” Artemis covers the little bit of distance between us and rests his hands on either side of my neck. “Come on baby, what’s happening? Talk to me.”

The endearment breaks the damn and I let out a sob.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know why this keeps happening.” I want to plead for him to understand it isn’t because of him, but I can’t get the words out.

His hand moves higher, and he wipes away a few of my tears.

“You don’t have to be sorry Blue. Never apologize to me for this. I don’t know all the things that have happened to you in your life, but I hope someday you’ll tell me. I don’t ever want to scare you, so tell me to back off and I will.”

He sounds so genuine but when I look in his eyes, I expect to see anger. I led him on by kissing him back and making him think I was okay with what we did, but then my mind betrayed me. Why isn’t he pissed at me? I got him worked up and killed the mood with my trauma.

“Maybe it’s best if we keep to the no intimacy rule after all.” I say. “That way this sort of thing won’t happen again.”

He watches me for a few seconds but shakes his head.

“If you don’t want this then fine, but if you’re saying that out of fear that it will make me run the other way when you have a bad reaction then you’re crazy. Aren’t the vows for marriage…in sickness and in health? You may be physically well, but your mind is sick because of your past. I won’t let those dark memories consume you. I won’t let you fight it alone, Blue. Not ever.”

Does he really mean that?

“You can’t know that this won’t cause problems later Artemis. What about when we want to take things further? If I freak out you’re telling me that won’t matter?” I’m trying to get him to realize what this could mean.

It could mean he would have to forgo sex for who knows how long while I work through all this. No man would want that. I can’t even look at him now.

Artemis rubs my jaw with his thumbs before using them to make me look up at him.

“I don’t give a fuck about that Blue. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve gone a while without sex. Before now I only indulged occasionally. Work is always the only thing I have ever cared about. Until I met you. You fascinate me for reasons I can’t understand and just being near you helps me feel calm. I can’t explain the effect you have on me, but none of it has to do with sex. It’s you.”

Holy shit.

The tears that had been falling because of pain and guilt are replaced with something else. For a man who comes of as an asshole who doesn’t give a damn about a single thing that isn’t on a computer screen, he sure knows how to sweet talk a girl.

“Really?” Is all I manage to get out.

He nods. “It’s why I asked for you to come here. I couldn’t focus because I kept thinking about you. I figured if you were here then I wouldn’t be so distracted. I guess things didn’t go as I planned since the second I kissed you I wanted to go home so we could be alone.”

I laugh. “Maybe we should stay on separate sides of the room.”

He shakes his head and with a completely serious face says, “No. I always want you next to me.”

Okay…swoon!

“I can’t be with you every minute of the day.” I counter but I admit it doesn’t sound so bad.

“Why not? I’ll get you a desk and chair set up next to mine and you can pretend to work while I watch you.”

I drop my head on his chest and laugh. “God you’re such a dork.”

When I pull back to look up at him, I smile. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” He asks.

“Make me smile again. I felt so broken a minute ago and now…it doesn’t hurt as much.”

He shrugs. “I have my ways. Now, let’s put you to work.”

He steps back and grabs my hand. I follow him toward his desk, and he pulls his chair out for me.

“You sit here, and I’ll go find you a chair.”

He’s walking out the door before his words settle in. He is freaking serious! He plans on me sitting next to him from now on.

I don’t know if I should be scared or worried that my soon to be husband never wants me to leave his side. For now, I think it’s kind of sweet. Some how he has a way of making me feel better so why would I want to be anywhere else?