19: Burning Phoenix
I was up by half past five, not because Sebastian expected me to be up at such a time, but because I had immense trouble finding it in myself to fall asleep. So, I lay awake most of the night and now, the bags under my eyes definitely showed this little fact. I tried to cover it up with some make-up that I found in the cabinet above the basin in my bathroom, but not even concealer could cover them up, and so I just chose to walk around looking like a walking corpse about to begin a new zombie apocalypse. Today, I chose to wear a pair of ripped jeans and a T-shirt Sebastian had managed to sneak in for me. The meeting was only later on in the evening and so, I would change later into the extremely uncomfortable lilac dress awaiting me in my cupboard.
Sebastian came to get me at exactly six fifteen with a small smirk on his face when he caught sight of my undead appearance.
"What happened to you! I thought I told you to go to bed early?"
"I tried to, but I couldn't. I was too nervous." I uttered as I began to attempt to wipe more of the sleep out of my eyes.
Sebastian shook his head and then ruffled my hair up, making me blush slightly. "Come on, time for breakfast. If you finish an entire half a cup, then I have a fresh stack of pancakes awaiting you in the kitchen."
I clapped with false enthusiasm and he frowned, "Come on Phoenix, why don't you at least try to cheer up?"
"Are *you* telling me to cheer up? Sebastian Dragović?"
His eyes furrowed in confusion and he asked what I meant, to which I replied, "You aren't the type to be cheery and happy, you're quite formal and well… bland yourself."
Now I seemed to upset him, and he huffed in response. "I'll have you know, Phoenix, I am very cheery and happy. See-" he then pulled his lips up into a very false and very painful looking smirk.
"Just stop Sebastian, you're making things worse."
"How am I making them worse?"
"Your smile is giving me a headache, “I uttered, rubbing my temples. Sebastian chuckled in response to this and then began shaking his head.
"The Phoenix I fetched from Alpha Denzell's pack would never have said such a thing to me."
"Well," I began as we made a turn into the dining room, already with two golden chalices of blood at two seats placed next to each other, "You and I spend so much of time together, it's kind of hard not to be comfortable around you, Sebastian."
"Except for when I make you blush..." He uttered as he pulled out a seat for me. And this time, my mouth decided to speak before my mind processed what he had said and I found myself saying, "Precisely, couldn't have said it better myself," in a way to mock him. If shooting yourself in the foot were a person, well, it would be me.
"W-wait... I did-"
"Too late, you already agreed. Perhaps after pancakes I could give you another reward. That is, if you're a good girl for me and finish every last drop in that golden chalice."
And that was motivation enough for me to want to drink all of the blood in the cup as I held the shiny stem of the chalice between my fingers. I gulped slowly, making sure not to overload my vampiric senses with the rush I always got every time blood touched at my lips, my tongue and my throat. That was where all the problems always seemed to begin: the blood frenzy. From there it would almost always go downhill leading me to a trip to the bathroom. But not today, today I managed to go slowly and keep from giving into the frenzy with Sebastian's reward hanging over my head, orbiting around along with that delicious feeling of his lips on mine.
Once I had finished every single drop of blood, Sebastian grinned and began patting my head. "Good girl. Now, time for pancakes. Trina!" He yelled out.
Immediately a well-dressed woman in a pair of red heels and an apron around her slim waist came rushing in with a golden tray. As she moved, her long red hair floated around her slowly in the air.
"The pancakes you requested, Sir," She uttered placing the tray in front of me. With it she placed a jar of maple syrup and I rubbed my hands together in excitement. I was really looking forward to pancakes after so many days of hardly even eating breakfast, or any human food to be specific. Sebastian usually snuck meager snacks here and there for me.
I began eating immediately, shoveling the food into my mouth like a starved animal and soon, the plate, just like the chalice, was completely spotless.
Sebastian clapped twice and soon Trina came rushing in to retrieve all of the dishes on the table. Once she had left, which Sebastian had confirmed by leaning forward and peering around the corner, he turned towards me and a mischievous look appeared on his face.
"Now," He began as he started to lean forward towards me, "for that reward."
He placed his fingers under my chin, lifted it slightly and then placed his lips on mine in a sweet, gentle kiss which had my stomach doing somersaults. But our sweet moment was cut short by the clearing of a throat behind us and immediately Sebastian pulled away from me, and I from him. We gazed in shared horror at the furious look on Xavier's father's face as he tapped his foot on the floor and had his arms crossed over his chest.
"Sebastian Dragović, what the hell do you think you are doing with... *that*," he spat out distastefully.
Sebastian turned towards me with a worried look on his face and then said gently, "Why don't you go and take your leave, Mistress. I'll meet you at your room towards the afternoon so we can get you ready for this evening's event."
I bit my lip, uncertain as to whether or not I should stay and bear the brunt of Xavier’s father’s wrath, but eventually nodded and got up from my seat and began to exit the dining room. As I did, Xavier's father shot me a cold look from his beautiful eyes, one which sent shivers down my spine, only increasing my urgency as I walked away from the room. However, curiosity got the better of me as I exited the entrance of the room and I began to hover around the corner, eager to hear the conversation, but in an instant, I began to regret my decision.
"...Honestly Sebastian, what the hell are you thinking? I thought you made it a point not to get romantically involved with the royals you advise, especially since-"
Sebastian cut him off with a defensive, "I don't get involved. And I still stick by that theory. But my Mistress seems to have developed feelings for me, and I thought it best to use that to our advantage. As for me, I have no feelings for that girl. I'd die before I developed something so childish for her. My mission is simple, to get her to that throne at all costs. And if that means pretending, then I will pretend-" And with those words I left, unable to bring myself to hear anymore.
*Pretend?*
Was that what this was to him? A game of pretend? My feelings for him meant... nothing. All he cared about was getting me to the throne and I didn't know why, but the thought made me so angry I could not even think straight. All I wanted to do was scream, shout, rip, tear. But at the same time, I felt so lost, disillusioned and, dare I say it, heartbroken. Together these feelings mixed, beginning with a sore lump forming in my throat, tears stinging at my eyes and small whimpers forming in my throat, and slowly the feelings evolved, becoming more intense to the point where I was no longer in control of my feelings or my body. In fact, I could begin to feel my claws elongating from my fingertips and my fangs from my gums. I was about to turn... in a palace full of vampires.
I tried to stop myself, but the more I tried to calm down, the more infuriated I became, and eventually all I could feel coursing through every single vein, pulsing through my blood was anger- no, **hurt**. So, I began bolting for the doors to the palace, ignoring the vampires I passed along the way because in all honesty, if I allowed myself to stop, I was not sure how many nobles would be left alive in this place.
I should have known not to develop feelings so quickly for someone, especially Sebastian, who clearly possessed no capacity of real emotions such as affection and love.
Yes, it was stupid of me to fall for such a robotic stick in the mud and the more I ran the thought over in my head, the more disappointed I felt in myself. But I had learnt my lesson now, and although I was hurt, I would not do myself the dishonour of making the same mistake again. I couldn’t, but it was easier said than done. Even now as tears streamed down my face as I exited the palace, I still couldn’t help but wish I had unheard everything, that I had lived the rest of this journey in ignorance, like the little fool everyone took me for. But I wasn’t a fool and as my bones began breaking and twisting to allow me to morph into my white werewolf form all I could think about was how angry I was. I embraced it, letting it consume me in a burning red fire. The orangey yellow flames engulfed every inch of that innocent girl I once was and began scorching through her flesh, slowly killing her. No more. I would take no more of it. I would no longer be manipulated, used as a tool and taken for as a fool. I was done obeying, done with Sebastian, with my father and with all of the stuck up assholes who called themselves ‘nobles’. I would take that throne for myself and show everyone that I would not be taken for granted, and that I was not some ‘thing’. I'd kill Phoenix today, burn her alive in the fire. I had no use for her anymore, no use for obedience, for meekness, for being shy and sacred. Instead, I'd be reborn in the ashes as someone new, someone stronger, wiser and more bold.
*That was a promise.*
---
To all those on team Sebastian... I don't know what to tell you. Are you as angry as Phoenix is? Do you understand Sebastian's reasoning? Are you still on team Sebastian? Also I guess we now know the significance of Phoenix's name.
Stay safe! Stay healthy! Sending lots of love!