35: Tasting a memory

"I am sorry for what I've done to you, Phoenix." It came from Sebastian who, unfortunately for me, had been the only one of my four admirers to stay. Then again, this was *his* room.
I didn't know how to respond to his apology. I couldn't lie and tell him that I'd forgiven him for hiding the fact that we were mates from me, or that he'd marked me without my permission. And so, I said nothing in return.
Sebastian sighed and reached out for my hand. I had the right mind to snatch it away from him, until I gazed up into his eyes and realised, much to my surprise, that the stone-cold, jealous man I'd come to grow fond of and at the same time despise, was crying. A few teardrops ran down his face, some falling against the large scar I'd grown used to seeing. "It's been hell hiding the truth from you Phoenix. I thought I could handle it, and I thought I could handle you being here but each day I become more and more unhinged. I wanted to obey you and keep our relationship as professional as I could, but I can't anymore. There's a possibility that in a month I'll lose you, so could you try to understand that I just want to spend as much time as I can loving you before... before you have to play those deadly games."
Loving me? Did Sebastian love me? Did I love him? The questions swarmed around in my head and I found them difficult to answer. What also seemed to boggle my mind was how he knew we were mates in the first place. Again, the way he spoke made it seem as though he and I had known each other way before I'd met him on that highway. And as I thought this, my fingers began to move upwards, toward the deep bite mark on my neck. I winced as my fingers grazed at the sensitive skin and recalled the feeling of being marked. Not only was it excruciatingly painful, but I'd felt the deep, heavy feeling of pleasure along with it. An eternal mark that I was Sebastian's... it was difficult to comprehend, especially since I thought Demetri would perhaps have been the person to mark me. What made it stranger was his reaction to it all and his calmness. If I were Demetri, I'm not so sure I would have been so composed if another man marked my mate, especially before I had. Then again, he and Sebastian seemed to know each other better than I ever could have imagined and perhaps, deep down, the two considered each other friends... or at least, Demetri considered Sebastian a friend.
"How long have you and Demetri known each other," I asked, trying my best to shift my focus away from all of the tension (some of it sexual).
Sebastian wiped the tears from his cheeks and then let out a refreshing little chuckle before shifting on the bed and taking his place alongside me.
"Demetri... I can't actually remember how many centuries it's been."
"Centuries?" I uttered in disbelief, "How's that even possible? Werewolves aren't immortal."
Sebastian nodded, "Yes, that's true. Demetri, however, is... well he's special. I can't tell you much about him since I don't know the legend of the great Demetri Forbes well enough. You'd have to ask him to explain it to you. But he's been walking around for ages and believe it or not, we don't *hate* each other. He's been the one constant I've had through the years. The only problems that arise is when you're involved. Other than that, we seem to get along quite well."
I raised my brow at him, and he sighed, "Fine. We tolerate each other."
And then I tried an attempt at another question, hoping for an answer, even one as cryptic and mysterious as I anticipated. "How long have you known me?"
Sebastian hesitated a long moment and for a while, I wondered if he would actually answer me.
"A *very* long time." He uttered, now staring off into the distance as though the little statement brought its fair share of memories swarming around in his head.
A very long time? I wondered how long. "Why don't I remember?" I muttered beneath my breath.
"Because it was safer for you not to remember anything. Not about Demetri or myself. But as Demetri said, your memories of *me* will begin to return slowly... *very* slowly. I do warn you though, they can be quite painful and confusing. In fact, they might come back in the form of awful nightmares. But I need you to know that everything you see and experience in those nightmares is real."
"N-nightmares?" I stuttered out. That was the last thing I needed, a fresh batch of awful fucking nightmares.
Sebastian nodded and took my hand in his for a moment before bringing it up to his lips. "I'm not asking you to love me, all I'm asking is that you stop pretending as though there's nothing between the two of us."
"Are you also asking me to stay away from Demetri? Because if so, I don't think I can give into your requests."
Sebastian frowned, sighed and then shook his head before saying, "Fine. He is, after all, your other mate."
"Then I will gladly accept your request. I promise not to pretend as though there's nothing going on between the two of us." I said with a smile. It was the first one I'd managed to muster up towards him in quite some time. It seemed all we'd been doing before was fighting with each other, and rightfully so. But I couldn't fight him anymore, not until I knew what kind of past I shared with him, who I was and why I couldn't remember anything about the two mates who seemed to know more about me than I did.
----------
That night Sebastian convinced me to let him stay with me. And so, I found myself wrapped around in his cool arms with my heart raging against my chest. If I thought being around Liam was bad, this was near impossible. Every inch of me was burning hot beneath his touch and I found myself breathing heavily against him. I managed to turn away from him, afraid that he'd see how blazing hot my cheeks were and how flustered my face was. Was this normal vampiric desire... or was it the result of the mark he'd left on me.
"Phoenix..." Sebastian leaned in and whispered this against my neck, causing goosebumps to form against my skin. I tried to fight a shiver, but unfortunately for me, Sebastian then started running his fingers against the skin of my arms and the shiver ripped through my body involuntarily. It made Sebastian chuckle lowly and place his hand right against my back, making my breath hitch. Slowly, his hand slipped underneath my shirt and he began dragging his cool finger against the outline of my spine.
"Why don't you shiver again for me?" He whispered seductively in my ear and then leaned in to take the lobe of it softly between his teeth. By now I was trying my best to bite back a moan. Yes, Sebastian had flirted before, but it had never been anything this intense.
"S-Sebastian, what are you doing?" I managed to pant out desperately. I didn't pull away from him though. My body wouldn't let me, no matter how hard I tried to fight against it and the deep dark pull of desire in my stomach.
He removed his mouth from my ear and then used his hands to turn me over, one of them still in the back of my shirt. When I looked up into his eyes, I was surprised to find that they were a deep, dark red and that his fangs had begun to protrude.
"I was thinking," he began as he removed his hand from my shirt and slowly started to climb on top of me, "that perhaps you could start to remember me in a more... physical manner."
"P-physical manner?" I repeated out.
Sebastian nodded and slowly began leaning down but stopped, hovering his lips just inches away from mine. I gulped, staring down at them and wanting so badly for them to be placed against me. And just to tease me further, he licked at his upper lip before saying, "Yes, *physical*." With that his lips collided with mine in a heated frenzy. Instinctively my hands made their way to his hair and I began tangling my fingers in his blonde locks.
One of his hands made their way to one of my legs and he softly ran them up the surface of my skin, making me shiver once again. I couldn't help but moan in his mouth, and he took it as an opportunity to slip his tongue inside of mine. The movement of his tongue against mine was enough to have me shaking in pleasure already as he further deepened our kiss by gently taking my chin into his free hand and using it to tilt my head to the side. I could barely comprehend all of this. Not the feeling of his skin on mine, not the burning sensation in my stomach, not the wetness between my legs and definitely not the subtle aching throb of the bite on the side of my neck. But as he kissed me and held onto me, I couldn't help but find this familiar. I found his touches familiar, and even the sweet taste of his lips on my tongue. It was as though I were tasting a memory, one suppressed and almost concealed and although I kissed Sebastian harder and with more passion, trying to bring the memory forward, it stayed in its place- buried beneath what I could only describe as a wall of thick ice.
Eventually the two of us parted, breathless and panting, practically gasping for air. Both of our faces were red and flustered and soon a curious smile appeared on Sebastian's face. "Did that help? Did you remember anything?" He asked.
I shook my head, no, and then said, "It felt familiar, but nothing really came to me."
His brows furrowed slightly in disappointment, but he soon brushed it off and then said, "Perhaps next time we could... try something more extreme."
My face became even more ablaze at his suggestive statement and my eyes widened.
"Don't give me that look. I'm only teasing. I'd never do anything too extreme unless you asked... marking you was an honest mistake." He promised.
I cocked an eyebrow, unconvinced, but let his statement slide.
"Why don't you get some rest? You really do need to resume training tomorrow, and I'm afraid it's going to be hell trying to catch up on the days you've missed out on."
Would I even be able to get any rest though with the looming promises of the nightmares which awaited me in the darkness of my dreams?
---
So who exactly *is* Phoenix?
Stay safe! Stay healthy! Sending my love!