38: I can't
The air was cooler and lighter now and I let it fill my lungs up. Trees surrounded me on either side and the ground beneath my feet was damp and muddy- a clear sign that this was all a dream. From what I could tell, I was in the wooded area surrounding the palace as I recognised the greyish looking foliage and that distinct scent of bergamot in the air.
"Diana." I heard next to me. I felt Diana turn our body in the direction of the voice. It was still strange, not being in control of the body I was in.
I felt the sides of my lips perk up into a bright smile as I caught sight of Sebastian. He looked a little older now, closer to his current appearance, but he still lacked that scar on his face.
"Sebastian, what are you doing here?" I asked.
He smiled gently and then took my hand in his, making my heart race... well, Diana's heart race. "Would you be absolutely furious with me if I told you I followed you? It seems you've been avoiding me lately."
I felt Diana's lips fall into a sudden frown and I began to wonder too, why Diana had been avoiding Sebastian. In fact, I wondered where this memory of hers fit exactly.
"It's not that I've been avoiding you, Sebastian. It's just that things have gotten a little complicated lately." It seemed Diana and I had something in common.
Sebastian and I continued to walk around, hand-in-hand. "You know the palace is much quieter when you're avoiding me. In fact, I might have actually managed to get a full week of work done without you." He joked.
"Oh, I see. So, you're blaming me for your laziness? Is that what's happening here?" I retorted.
Sebastian chuckled and I found myself engrossed in the way his face looked. His reactions to this 'Diana' woman were so similar to his reactions to me that I couldn't help but wonder who exactly she was to him and who she was to me. What did she have to do with my memories?
Eventually we made our way to a shallow river which ran between flat, moss covered rocks which, as I slid my hand across one, I noticed was slippery and had a sort of slimy texture to it. I lifted my dress slightly, slid my shoes off and then placed my feet in the water. It was cool and refreshing against my warm feet and I revelled in the feeling. I also started to notice my own clothing choice. My shoes, which I'd placed next to me, were old-fashioned and strange. My dress was large, old-fashioned, slightly uncomfortable and made with the most expensive material I'd ever felt grace my body. I wondered what century we were in. And as I did, I heard Sebastian fiddle behind me.
"You aren't getting in?" He asked.
I chuckled in response and then said, "What, so you can stare at my undergarments. Over my dead body!"
The fidgeting continued and soon I heard the thudding of bare feet against the sand of the riverbank before a large splash sounded from the river. It seemed Sebastian didn't mind being half naked in front of me. The water was shallow, pooling at his knees and exposing his trousers and his naked top half. Again, I admired the beauty of his toned body and the smoothness of his pale skin.
"Come on Diana! The water feels great! You don't even have to strip; I'll hold your dress up for you."
Diana contemplated for a while and I just waited for her decision. If it were me in control of this body, I would have already been splashing in the cool water of the river... perhaps by now I'd already have tried to drown Sebastian.
Slowly, I got up from the edge of the riverbank and Sebastian smiled and neared me. I lifted at my dress and he took some of the fabric between his fingers as I stepped further into the river.
"See how good it feels?" He uttered with a beaming smile. It was so refreshing to see him so carefree and once again, I felt the sharp pangs of jealousy tug within me. Who was she to evoke such a reaction from him?
Eventually, we'd given up on trying to keep my dress from getting wet and instead, we began splashing each other with water, to the point that my brown hair was dripping wet and sticking to my face.
"My mother is going to kill me!" I screamed out and then laughed.
Sebastian laughed along with me and then, after a few moments of our unrelenting laughter, he began to fall silent and his eyes fell on mine. Slowly he began nearing me and I felt my heart begin to race and my cheeks begin to heat up. Once he was close enough, he took a strand of my hair in between his fingers.
"You know I've never quite gotten over the feeling you always seem to stir up in me every time I see you."
I was uneasy now, but in the best way possible. And so, with a slight shake in my voice, I asked, "And what feeling is that?"
Slowly he reached for my hand and then placed it on his chest. I could feel it beating erratically against his cool chest and if I concentrated hard enough, could feel the slight warmth it radiated. "This feeling. It's a feeling so rare between vampires that some have started to call it something else. A term the werewolves use."
He didn't actually mean what I thought he meant? Did he? It was virtually impossible for both Diana and I to be-
He began leaning in, ever so carefully and I found myself conflicted. On the one hand I was dying for him to kiss me like he always did... and on the other hand, I feared his lips touching mine because they didn't belong to me. They belonged to Diana.
But much to my surprise, I pulled away from him and took my hand away from his chest. Slowly, I looked down and away from Sebastian, resting my eyes on the trees in the corner.
"Sebastian I can't..." It came sadly from my mouth. I wondered, for a moment, why Diana refused him. Judging by the way she reacted to his touch, I could tell she really cared for him, perhaps she even loved him.
"But why? Have I done something wrong Diana?" He asked sadly. Immediately my head shot up to see his sorrowful eyes and I felt a lump form in my throat.
"No, of course not! You haven't done anything wrong Sebastian. It's just-" I hesitated a moment before continuing, "I'm getting engaged to someone else."
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Cliffhanger... again! And so the question remains, **who is Diana?** As the saying goes, "devil's in the details".
Also I hope that I've written the last few chapters clearly enough. If you are, however, confused (because I do jump around from Phoenix's reality to her dreams about Diana quite quickly) then don't be afraid to ask for clarification on whatever it is you are struggling to grasp.
Stay safe! Stay healthy! Sending my love!