56: Not far off

I awoke to the feeling of the cold floor against my back, and as I opened my eyes, I was greeted by the dimness of the archives. I began shuffling, trying to get into a seated position, but froze when I saw Sebastian across from me, sitting on the floor with his legs crossed and staring at the portrait of him and Diana.
"You really will do anything to find answers, won't you, Phoenix?" He uttered, still keeping his eyes on the portrait. I soon realised that it was just him and I in the archives and assumed he'd chased Alice, Aliyah and Felicity away.
And so, I neared Sebastian and carefully sat next to him, unable to muster up any words to the man Diana was once married to. In the portrait I recognised the dress Diana wore. It was her beautiful white wedding gown, and Sebastian was dressed in his wedding outfit as well. Both were smiling lovingly, gazing at each other.
"I remember taking this off the wall. It was like erasing her from my very memory. In the beginning, I used to come here and gaze at the portrait, but as the years passed me by and the hope of her returning vanished, so did my will to see her anymore... to stare into these eyes and make myself take the weight of the guilt of what I'd done to her."
I was caught off guard by everything he said and, after a moment or so, began to ask what he meant.
He turned toward me and then shook his head, saying, "You'll find out soon enough." Then he touched at the mark on my neck and frowned. "Do you really want to remember it all, Phoenix? I thought I could protect you from your past... from Diana's past. It was the reason I tried keeping you away from the other three, especially Demetri. But now that he's marked you, there is no turning back. Your memories are probably already beginning to feel like *your* memories again... and I hate it."
"Why? Why do you hate the fact that I'm remembering? According to the memories I have of being Diana, you've done nothing but love me deeply. But..." I wandered off and then attempted to brush it off. But Sebastian caught my uncertainty and took my chin between his fingers and tilted my head up, forcing me to gaze up into his icy blue eyes.
"What is it?"
"You've changed... why?" I asked.
His blue eyes softened and then saddened again. He drew a sharp sigh, bit his lip and then looked away from me, leaving my chin in the process. "It seems you haven't gotten to that part of your memory yet... but you are right. I did love Diana... or rather *you*, more than anything in the world. But my love wasn't perfect, and I let other people influence me badly. I made a mistake, Phoenix, and it cost me everything I ever loved, it cost me you. But as I said before, you'll have to see it for yourself. I don't want the experience of it all to be tainted by my version of what happened. I want you to see it the way you saw it all those years ago, and then tell me if you're still willing to love me the way you did before."
I blushed at the very idea of "loving" him and began to protest but was cut off sharply by his words. "You will always love me Phoenix, and trying to hide from it is just stupid. No matter who you come back as, your heart will always call out to mine, and mine will always call out to yours."
I stayed silent for a while before asking, rather curiously, "Is that the reason you're so jealous? Back when I was Diana you and I were married. There was no way I would have tainted our marriage by developing a romantic relationship with Demetri. But this time it's different. I came here having taken Athena's body as a vessel-"
"-Who says that this is Athena's body?" He asked.
I raised my brows and gaped at him. "... isn't she the vessel you used?"
Sebastian shook his head, no and then said, "I'll tell you what. When you remember everything, I'll explain how you ended up becoming Phoenix. You'll be more receptive then than you will be now. And as to your question... that's partially the reason. When you were Diana you were mine and mine alone because you fell in love with me first. But... again, I made a mistake. The mistake I made is the other reason for my possessiveness over you. I hurt you all those years ago, and so I thought that you having no memories of that incident gave me the chance to make up for it, to make you mine again. I thought that if I kept you as close to me as possible, then you'd be able to love me, and only me. But now I'll only get a fraction of your love if I'm lucky enough and nothing at all if you see what I've done, and hate me for it."
Written all over his face was regret, sadness and nervousness. It was the first time I'd seen him so weak and afraid, and it frightened me. I wondered what on Earth he had done to make him think that the woman he married would be unable to forgive him. But as I gazed at his face, I couldn't help but feel sad for him. To be carrying such regret and sadness for all those centuries must have been hard for him. And so, I reached out for him and took his hands in mine. Initially, he was startled by my action, but I reassured him with a smile, and he relaxed into it.
"Diana loved you more than anything as well, I felt it. I'm sure whatever you've done won't matter. I will forgive you Sebastian." I said, staring intently into his eyes.
He gave a weak chuckle and then said, "It's a nice sentiment, Phoenix. But what I did was unforgivable. You'll hate me when you see what I put you through..." then he fell silent before saying, "it all fell apart the night of our wedding... how selfish was I to ruin such an important day for you."
The night of the wedding? I was just about to get to that part of Diana's memory before I was so rudely awakened by myself. Now, I wanted more than anything to see into my own mind again. I was so close to all the answers I needed and the waiting between memories was becoming unbearable.
"I was just about to get to that memory," I said.
He then froze for a moment and paled slightly. "Well then, you're not far off from having all your memories returned... I will have to cancel training for the next few days until you've had all your memories returned. They’ll return more frequently and for longer periods of time so we can't risk you falling into a memory while training. It would be extremely lethal."
He then paused for a moment, gazed at the portrait again and began speaking. "Do you remember in the beginning of everything that I told you that gaining your memories would be painful?"
"Well yes, but they have become less painful over the time."
"Well, that will change. Lucretia, the creator of the necklace you obviously now know is yours and not Athena's, said that once you've been bitten by both your mates, all your memories will begin trying to enter your brain as fast as they can to prevent any damage or tampering. Then, once all the important pieces of your memories are restored... the most painful part comes. Your smaller, less significant memories will begin to enter your mind and according to her, it will feel as if your brain is being thrown into a blender. So, for the next few days you'll be in your room so we can take care of you whenever it happens."
I paused and then blinked a few times before asking, "You still talk to Lucretia? The most powerful witch in the world? I find that rather hard to believe. How do you enter hell?"
And that was the first time I saw him smile in a while. "You are literally my wife from centuries ago, now reborn, yet you're surprised about the fact that I can physically go to hell to meet Lucretia? Don't tell me you think my soul doesn't deserve damnation."
I rolled my eyes at him and folded my arms. "I was just curious. No one really visits her. She's quite secretive."
"And yet she gave me the Vita necklace, the only one of its kind. Of course, she'd need to see me often. She's just as curious about you and your reactions to your memories as I am. Especially since she's the one who locked all of your memories in the mate bonds you have between Demetri and myself."
So that was why their bites restored my memories. It now all made sense.
"Speaking of which, once they have returned, you and I need to go to hell and visit her. She's very excited to meet her greatest success."
Greatest success. A great success would be me gaining my memories without any pain at all. Nonetheless, I agreed. I was curious of Lucretia as well.
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Hi everyone, please read my latest announcement regarding chapters 34 and 35. The announcement is somewhere in the comments section. This comment is mainly for the more newer readers who have started this novel recently (the last 2or 3 weeks prior to the 13th of April 2021).
Stay safe! Stay healthy! Sending my love!