46: Execution

Knees shaking, palms sweating, heart thudding erratically beneath my chest- I couldn't quite contain my nerves as I waited patiently outside of Demetri's door. Again, questions regarding Diana swarmed through my mind, but I knew I could not bring myself to hearing his excuses of why I couldn't know more about Diana... or myself, rather. But there was still something more lingering around. I'd never quite gotten over how we left things the last time, with him admitting his feelings for me and me not knowing how to respond. And so, I stood in angst, waiting for him to open the door.
It took a few moments more, but when he did finally arrive, he had a small smile pasted on his lips and his blue eyes gleamed brightly. "Well, well, if it isn't Phoenix. Got something on your mind?"
I bit my lip softly and then nodded. "I came to speak to you about something."
Demetri nodded and then moved to the side before motioning for me to enter. "The bed's yours."
My brows raised at his statement and he chuckled, "I mean yours to sit on. Of course, I also mean that the bed is yours for an entirely different reason. But I'm sure you didn't come here for that."
I laughed a little, nodded and then made myself comfortable on his bed. It was then that something rather strange caught my eye. It was a photograph of myself and my father. One which I distinctly remembered taking out on my sixteenth birthday. I picked the photograph up and traced my fingers along the glass of it, staring at my father's golden eyes. I could feel my own watering at the sight of him. I'd been so busy, and life had been so unfathomably complicated that I hadn't found the time to miss him.
"Your dad gave that to me to give to you. It kept slipping my mind so I'm glad you've come here today to get it off my hands."
I looked up at him and cocked an eyebrow, "My dad never liked you. Is he okay with you being here?"
Demetri chuckled and then took a seat next to me. "Well, it did take some convincing. Then again, could he have stopped me. I am, after all, your mate."
Now that I'd brought up the topic of my dad, I proceeded to ask what I really came here to ask. The first time I'd asked about him, Demetri had been cryptic and evasive.
"Speaking of my father..." I began, "I'd like you to take me to see him."
When I said this, Demetri's eyes widened, and he nervously scratched at the back of his neck before biting his lip. He waited a moment before finally answering me, and his answer was far from what I was hoping for. "I'm afraid that won't be possible."
Immediately the frustration set in and I retorted with a sharp, "Why not?"
"I-"
"If you dare say you can't tell me, I am going to lose it. This is my father we're talking about. And what I have to say is important. I *need* to see him... now."
He hesitated a moment. I could tell that he was conflicted regarding whether or not to tell me the truth. Eventually, however, after a long unimpressed glare from me and various different sighs from him, he gave in.
"You can't see your father because he's currently imprisoned." My mouth dropped the moment he'd said it.
"I-imprisoned... what the hell. I thought my father was doing well. I thought he was still back home. I thought... you lied! Both you and Alice *lied*. Now I *have* to see him!" I yelled out, standing up and heading towards the door, convinced and adamant that I would be seeing my father.
But before I could even touch at the door handle, Demetri grabbed at my hand and tugged at it, making me turn around and face him. His face was serious and stern- nothing like the light-hearted, mischievous look it usually carried. In all honesty it frightened me, and so I found myself glued to the floor.
"You *will* not see him Phoenix."
I gulped before pulling my hand from his and saying, "Who are you to stop me."
And again, I attempted to head for the door, but was stopped by Demetri's next few words. "They will execute him if you don't win the games. They will execute him if you try to contact him as well. I'm just trying to keep the both of you as safe as possible, can't you see that?"
"E-execute?" I stumbled. I was now more frightened than ever. No part of me wanted to live in a world where my father didn't exist... I'd already lost my mother, and myself. I didn't need him disappearing on me too.
Demetri nodded slowly and then said, "I didn't want you to know. Telling you would only have pressurised you even further."
And it was then that all that frustration and fear morphed into rage at Demetri's lack of transparency. "I'm sorry, but you knew this the whole time? And you never thought to tell me? Again, Demetri, this is my father we're talking about."
"Exactly. That's exactly why I didn't say anything. I knew you'd freak out like this."
"Could you blame me. First, I learn that my father is imprisoned, and now I learn that if I don't win the Game of Successio, my father is as good as dead. How do you think I feel? I'm so sick and tired of the lies. I'm so sick of being Phoenix Ackerman and not Diana Lorenzo."
And when that last part slipped from my lips, I immediately knew I'd made a fatal mistake in my state of anger. Demetri stared at me with his eyes widened in shock.
"What did you just say?" He whispered out.
I gulped and shook my head. "N-nothing... I said nothing."
Then his eyebrows raised, and he nodded to himself. "I see. That's why you wanted to visit your father. You found out-"
"-Found out what? Because I still hardly know what I know and what I don't. I'm just assuming here because being Diana makes the most sense. I'm still so in the dark about everything Demetri... I'm so confused."
I hadn't even noticed the tears welling up in my eyes until I felt their wetness fall from them and stain my cheeks. Exhausted was an understatement for how exactly I felt. I was confused, scared, sleep-deprived and beyond frustrated. So many people depended on me, and now, I wasn't sure I was up for the task. I barely knew who I was.
And so, I looked up at Demetri, half in anguish, half desperate, and asked, "Demetri please answer this...Am I *really* Diana?"
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Hello everyone! From this week on, updates will be slower. I will try to update as many times in the week as I can, but please be patient with me.
Stay safe! Stay healthy! Sending my love!