Chapter 19

**AUSTIN**

She feels exactly what I was afraid she would feel. What she tells me does not help my guilt and when I think back to Adam telling me that she was not mad at me.

“You told me you weren’t mad at me.” I tell her dumbfounded.

“I’m not mad at you. I mean, it’s hard to explain.” She pauses, biting her bottom lip. “I’ve never been very good at expressing my feelings.”

“Welcome to the club.” I say to reassure her.

“I barely know you and yet when I’m with you I feel...a sense of belonging. Like this is where I belong, where I was meant to be.” She bites that damn lip again and I fight not to kiss her. “I feel something I’ve never felt and never thought I’d feel and sometimes it scares me. I’m afraid of the unknown, afraid I’ll wake up one morning and everything will stop.”

I pull her to me and kiss her. She just said what I’ve always wanted to hear. I allow myself to touch her, to run my hands over her, through her hair, her back... I kiss her neck and approach her ear. “Choose me.” I beg her.

She steps back and looks me straight in the eyes and her look tells me what she is going to say. “The problem is, I feel exactly the same way when I’m with Adam.”

She will eventually choose him, he did not mark Rachel. While maybe he didn’t think he’d have the chance, one day, to receive a mate but he waited for it. I hug her for a moment, I just want to feel her close to me before I eventually lose her.

“I have a lot of work to do. I’m going to work here for a while.” I tell her, inviting her out without sounding rude.

She nods, “We can have dinner together if you want and watch a movie afterwards. I mean, if you want to.”

“Yeah we’ll see if I’m done.”

I open the door and she walks out visibly disappointed. I close the door without looking at her.

If I had known I was going to meet Aria I never would have marked Rachel. But I must not let it get me down and stay strong for my pack.

**ARIA**

I didn’t leave my room after my conversation with Austin and I didn’t hear him come out of his. I know I hurt him with my words but I can’t apologize for how I feel about them.

There is a knock at the door, bringing me out of my thoughts. When I open the door I am not surprised to find Adam on the other side.

“Did you hear us?” I ask him before closing the door behind him.

“Yes, but I wanted to give you some time before I came over.”

We sit side by side on my bed, our backs against the headboard.

“I shouldn’t have told him I was mad at him.” I confess to him.

“Stop. You don’t have to apologize for how you feel. He made a choice at some point and now he has to own it. What’s done is done. There’s no point in brooding.”

“Have you always been this wise?” I ask him, raising an eyebrow.

He snorts, “I’m just very very very old. I’ve learned from my mistakes and other people’s mistakes too.” He pauses. “Well not enough...considering the fiasco with Rachel.”

“I wish you’d tell me what happened. I’d like to hear your side of the story.”

He sighs before nodding. “I should start at the beginning. My family and I live in a castle, very remote, we live there with vampires and wolves. It took us a while, but we created this community and it works pretty well. I met Rachel while she was visiting her aunt, who chose to live in our community.” He pauses, glancing at me. “I thought she was pretty, we got to talking, the vibe was good and...”

“And you slept together. You can say that.”

“And we slept together. She went back and forth for a while and I asked her to stay.” He pauses again. “She told me she had to think about it. I went two months without seeing her. Sasha told me to go to the pack, see her while Leila told me to let her rot here.... Her words not mine.” He laughs a little. “When I heard from her, she told me she needed me, that she was in danger. So like the good gentleman that I am, I came with the cavalry before I realized pretty quickly that it was all bullshit and that she just wanted to exact some personal revenge.” He pauses and looks at me carefully. “My relationship with her and the relationship she had with Austin had nothing to do with it. They had known each other for years, they trusted each other more. Whereas I was just a pawn on her chessboard. She held Austin’s father responsible for his father’s death and since he was gone, she decided to take Austin down instead.”

“But he killed her first.” I add and he nods.

“He blames himself for marking him, for killing him, and for loving him.” He tells me seriously.

I didn’t think the two of them had had this kind of conversation. Austin told me himself that he has a hard time expressing his feelings.

“He didn’t tell me, I figured it out on my own.” Adam said to me, as if he was reading my mind.

Without thinking, I lay my head on his shoulder. There is something very reassuring about Adam, he is so wise and always knows what to say.

“Were you waiting for me?” I ask him.

“Honestly?” He pauses. “I don’t know. I always thought I was cursed, that I would never have a mate, but I think subconsciously I was still hoping. But I’ve had relationships with other girls. I wouldn’t want you to think I was a saint.”

And he’s always sincere, he always tells me the truth even if it’s not very pretty.

We stay like that for a moment, without talking and I let myself be lulled by his heartbeat.