Chapter 103

Lewis POV

"I'm not ok..." I saw the gathered tears in her eyes finally fall down her flushed thin cheeks. "I'm not ok." Her head shook quickly as she began to sob. It made my heart contact and before I'd even realized I had moved, I was pulling her into my chest, hugging her trying my hardest to calm her down, while being happy she was finally letting her pain out. "I'm not ok!"

And so I drew my wolf sides pleasure and happiness at holding my mate in, forcing it down as I waited.

I waited for her to finally explain her thought process to me. I waited patiently while cuddling my girl, so she could explain everything in her own time. I didn't have to wait too long as one admittance was enough to let everything flood out of her.

"I'm not ok, I... I killed my mom, I killed her…” I shook my head but Dylan’s hysterical sobbing cut me off as she continued her sorrow filled admittance. “We didn’t get along that well, but I miss her… I miss her so fucking much, every time I close my eyes I can see her... I see how lifeless her eyes were. How still her body was, how messed up and bloody her face was.” This was breaking my heart to see such a strong willed person crumple underneath all the guilt and trauma she had been dealt. “You know, The last thing I ever said to her was that I hated her. I called her a traitor, I swore at her and I will never be able to apologize for it. I'll never get the chance to beg for her forgiveness." Wow... I genuinely had no idea she carried around so much guilt. I just held her, and listened. For the first time since meeting her I remembered she was only 17. The entire world had put so many expectations and pressure on her shoulders she had absolutely no way of staying grounded. This selfish, sadistic new world had slowly sucked out every bit of fight she had left.

"I can't sleep..." she shouted in beween sniffles and whimpers. Her face buried into my chest as my arm gently squeezed around her back and my other hand held her head into my chest, my heartbeat definitely meeting her ear and hopefully helped to calm her slightly. "I can't sleep without seeing him... without feeling him... without reliving everything he did to me." A small shudder of disgust racked through her at the thought of josh, which caused me to tighten my arms around her. I knew she was struggling, and I knew she had been through so much, but even I hadn't realised how traumatised she truly was. "I can't go into the main dining area with everyone else because everybody stares at me. Which is stopping me from getting food." Her head shook rapidly as her arms finally wrapped themselves around my body.

I'm ashamed to say that her touch felt amazing, she was in an extremely vulnerable mind set and yet, I was enjoying holding her, and being there for her. I was glad she was finally letting someone in, and that someone was me.

"I'm weak, and damaged and I hate everything about myself. I'm ugly and scarred, I'm tired all the time but can't do a thing about it. Im starving and yet I feel so full off a single mouthful of food... I just feel like I'm drowning, I'm drowning and can't find a way out without another tidal wave dragging me down." I wasn't sure when we had found a seat on the grass below us, but we had. Most of her weight was resting on me as she continued to hold me and cry into me. "He's taken everything from me, Lewis. King Josh has left me with nothing."

No, that wasn't true. He had not taken everything because she still refused he advances, she still refused his mark, which meant she still had fight in her.

"That's not true... He's taken a lot, I'll admit that, but he's not stolen everything. You can still fight." Her head shook rapidly and tears continued to stream down her face.

"I can't fight the king while I'm battling myself. I'm not the one to bring him down. I know it and you know it." She was so wrong, I fully believed her to be the one to bring about change.

"You're are the one who can invoke change. Dylan, you are the one person who can unite everyone against the royals. You're the only person who has enough fight in them." She shook her head rapidly crying as she did so, I felt her knees buckling slightly every time I put pressure on her.

"I can't, I can't. I want peace! I want to rest, i need to rest... I just want to be normal." She wasn't normal though, she was far from it.

"If you think you can't do it... Then... use me!" She already had my heart. There's was absolutely no denying it at this point. She had my heart and soul in the palm of her hand, all she had to do was tell me to roll over and I'd do it. "If you're drowning, then use me as your float... If your fighting then let me be your weapon, let me be your shield. Use me Dylan, use me in anyway that helps you... just use me... I'm begging you." Why was I hurting so much? Every sob that escaped her beautiful lips caused my heart to contract painfully which only led me to hold onto her even tighter. "I'm here for you, Dyl. You can come and find me whenever you need something, whenever you need anything, it doesn't matter what time it is. I'm yours. Morning, evening, and night. I'm yours and will always be yours."

"You lost everything because of me..." I shook my head. She can't think like that, she saved me from becoming something I despised.

"I hated what I was letting Josh do to the world. I hated that I stood by and watched him cause more and more harm to people. You saved me from losing who I am, you reminded me that the world can be harmonious again. Because of you, I know that I will fight with every fibre of my being. I will always have your back. Everything you do, I will believe in whole heartedly." Her arms tightened around me, I knew she understood my words, she knew that I spoke the truth. I would fight beside her until the very end.

After some time her sobs evened out drastically, and I sighed knowing she had calmed down. I simply continued to hold her. I wasn't sure if she fully believed me but I was hers. She really did hold my very soul. I wasn't sure I could keep going on without her knowing about the bond I had subconsciously created with her, and after holding her like this, I knew it was all I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

"I think... I think I've chosen you, Dylan." I swallowed thickly and waited for her answer, but none came. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have, but you're my mate. The goddess Luna has made it so, I... I love everything about you." I sighed when again she didn't answer. Slowly I met her eyes, fearing the worst, scared that she had nothing but disgust on her features, in stead I was met with her gorgeous face, her eyes closed peacefully, and her lips parted in serenity. She truly was the epitome of true beauty. She was finally asleep, after goddess knows how long. I knew I shouldn't disturb her or move her,  but with her unhealthy lack of body fat surely she would get cold staying like that.

I gently and carefully arranged her sleeping fragile body in my arms and began to carry her back to her RV. She instantly snuggled her head into my chest, causing it to begin to beat rapidly. I was like a teenage boy, finally able to hold his crush for the first time.

Once we got to her RV her scent surrounded me, I was already overwhelmed by it, just from carrying her, but being in her room, almost made my knees give out from under me. I gently laid her down on the bed and pulled the quilt over the top of her. I placed a single kiss on her forehead and then slowly began closing all the curtains.

As soon as I was about to leave, I heard her begin to stir. A small whimper theft her lips and her head turned rapidly from side to side. In panic i hastily walked back over to her and quickly placed my hand on her head, stroking it in an attempt to calm her down and keep her asleep. It didn't work!

My poor mate shot up in her sleep with a shout as she darted her head around the room in fear. Once again without thinking, and before she could climb out of bed again, I sat next to her and pulled her head into me once more. Her fear completely disappeared within a minute, and her eyes closed again only to fall back into sleep a second later.

It only meant one thing... I couldn't leave. Maybe she too felt the mate bond slightly. My presence alone subconsciously might be helping her sleep and if that was the case, then I wouldn't move an inch, I swore that she could use me in a way that benefited her, If that meant I'd become her pillow, her bed... then so be it. I would never complain about holding her tight and safe.

"Sleep well." I whispered as I rearranged myself to lie down on her pillow. Her scent and rhythmic breathing lulled every single one of my senses into a calm and precious moment. With her body half on top of me, and her warmth surrounding my every nerve, I realized what it truly felt like to have a mate. It really didn't take long before my serenity soothed me into one of the best sleep I myself had, had in months.