Chapter 144

Dylan POV

"You liked him." I rolled my eyes as I sat, spinning from left to right while I though about everything.

"I did not. He was just, I saw myself in him alright." I admit as my conversation with Jack span round and round in my head.

It was true, I saw a lot of myself in the guy. He was young, probably not much older than me, maybe Lewis age at 21 or something very close to that, and you could tell he had spent his life fighting against the wolves. The only difference was he had a loving couple who took him in while he was rebelling, but me? I had to do everything on my own, especially for the first year with my dad gone. My mom was a shell for those first 12 months of the new world, and I had to pick up the pieces she left behind.

We were also opposites in the fact that I had grown up without any hope at all and yet now it's all I survived off, the hope of a much better tomorrow... meanwhile Jack had lots of hope and now he had none, and a man with no hope at all is a danger to himself, just as much as everyone else.

"Go back to Lewis's room looking like that, and you'll make him jealous." Gilliard just loved teasing me and Lewis whenever he got the chance. He kept saying we were in the honeymoon stage of our bond, when in reality we weren't even up to the proposal yet.

We never did anything, at least we hadn’t since last week, and what we had gotten up to was cut off by that idiot who marked her mate forcefully. The more we connected the more I wanted him. We had both just been so busy with everything else going on that we've actually been missing out on time alone with each other.

"Lewis, is incapable of jealousy." I chuckled, as I rubbed my eyes tiredly with my index finger and my thumb and slumped back in my chair, thinking over everything. "Alpha Gilliard, can I ask you something?"

He frowned as my eyes suddenly met his and it was fairly obvious that something was weighing me down.

"Of course, is there anything that you need?" I swallowed thickly trying to brace myself for what I imagine would be his answer.

“Say we succeed.... We win against the king and his forces... what happens afterwards? In that disarray between the king being usurped and the world dealing with the aftermath, how do you think peace and equality can be realized?"

He looked at me, as if my question was part of a test in an intense curriculum. As if the wrong answer could be disastrous.

"Well, my honest answer would be that, you'll find a way to encourage change and peace. You do have a way with words." I sighed, feeling the instant weight of expectations crash onto my shoulders heavily, and my body slumped in the chair I was on. "What would your answer be?"

My answer? I didn't know. I really didn't know what I was going to do if every single person in the world expected me to take up the mantle of being the ruler. I had no way of living up to everyone's expectations of me.

"Everyone just expects me to sit on the throne after the king is gone, but that's something I have never wanted. I want peace, and I want the freedom to walk the streets and not have to be in fear of bumping into a Lycan, or getting beaten by one for speaking out of turn, but I don't want to be the person responsible for all that. I'm in over my head here." He looked at me, truly looked at me, and for the first time I think he finally saw me as someone who had been thrust into this world with no explanation. His eyes softened and a small frown took over his features.

"Do you know... you're so mature and strong minded that I often forget you're so young." He stepped out from behind his desk and walked over to me, crouching down before me as if he was speaking to a child, but In actuality, his words caused tears to prick at my eyes. "You have a lot of weight on your shoulders, and I'm honestly not sure you will ever be able to throw it away... but I know for a fact that you will always have the strength to lift it." He placed one of his large hands on my knee in a gentle and comforting manner. "Everybody expects you to take the throne, simply because you are fair. You have a natural ability to make the tough calls that other people would dawdle to make. You don't see the world as Lycan or human, you see the world and all it's potential. I can't say what would happen to the world if you don't agree to lead us, but I can say with certainty that if you do decide to become the ruler, the new age that you bring with you, would both prosper and thrive. I don't think anyone else has the natural abilities that you do."

I felt a tight pit in the depths of my stomach at the alphas word. Words I had heard a thousand times over, and words that I still had a hard time believing. Not a single one of them, made me feel any better in myself though, if anything they made me more confused than ever... everyone expected me to lead, to sit on the throne and rule over a world that would be in so much upheaval I wouldn't get a break for years.

"People have been sacrificing so much already for me and my ideals. I suppose it's not that unrealistic for them to want to see me also sacrifice something for them." I suppose after the fight, if I was still alive I could oversee that nothing was to fall between the cracks in regards to species integration. After a short time I might be able to appoint someone to simply oversee things in my stead.

“It’s not about that, it’s about finding the best person, and in the eyes of the lycans at least, you were chosen by the moon goddess herself. People say that you weren’t chosen as King Josh’s mate, you were chosen as the queen.”
I sighed as I thought about everything I guess it didn't really matter yet, I'd have to survive the battle first which will be a miracle in of itself.
“You should Go and get some sleep, Dylan. I know Lewis is waiting up for you, and you must be exhausted." The alpha smiled sadly at my pondering expression. “I’m sorry if my answer wasn’t what you wanted.”

“It’s what I was expecting. Thank you for being honest with me.” He nodded and I stood up, feeling the ache in my muscles from my intense work out this morning. I groaned slightly and smiled at him. “I suppose I should go and tell Lewis I’ve finally met his mother.” My statement was intended to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, he’ll kill aunt Ygritte for not telling you about it.” He chuckled and waved me off, placing the device in his top draw.

I made my way upstairs to Lewis’s room and walked in, throwing myself face down on the bed groaning in frustration at my situation. I was drowning in things to do, but at least being so busy meant that my mind was always active on present things and not thinking too much about previous months.

“Are you alright?” Lewis’s voice wafted through the room and my head slowly met his casual form resting on the door frame of the restroom.

“Yeah, just been a long day. Oh, and if your dad gets food poisoning from his birthday cake, it’s because I helped your mom make it.” I chuckled causing his face to drop open in shock. He walked up to me and sat on the edge of the bed while I sat up and kicked my shoes off.

“My mom was here today?” I nodded and sighed rubbing my neck with a small groan.

“Yeah, she talked me into baking a cake. It was actually quite fun.” I smiled, as his large hands made their way to my shoulders. He gently began to apply pressure and I moaned slightly at the small massage.

“My mom likes to get her own way.” He chuckled before bending down to place a kiss on one of the shoulders he was massaging. “I know someone else like that too.”

“Yeah, I think she might genuinely be the only person to ever render me speechless.” He hummed while continuing to massage my tense shoulders before I felt his thumb gently stroke over the very top of my back from shoulder to shoulder, just above where the neck of my tshirt ended. And I froze, I already knew that the scars I hated were poking out from the top of it ever so slightly. His hands went to my hips and he rested his chin on my shoulder his thumb moving in circles over his t-shirt that I was wearing.

“I could give you a real massage, if you wanted.” My head shook rapidly and I turned to Lewis before flopping my forehead on his shoulder. “Dylan?”

“No, we keep having this same conversation Lewis.” I stood up quickly knowing that any chance he had to take my top off he’d attempt to do just that. “I need to wash up anyway, I have cake mix in my hair.”

“Dylan we can’t keep arguing about this, please, just let me…” he pushed me away from him only to connect our lips together, and I felt my resolve begin to crumble. I just didn’t want him to be completely repulsed by the sight.

“No, Lewis, I’m begging you, just stop.” But he continued to kiss me lovingly, and I loved the was his lips felt on mine and how they made my stomach flutter every single time.

“I want to see you, Dylan. I want to know every part of you, and those scars are a part of you. I love you! I love every scar you have and every mark. I love you from you head to your toes.” He kissed my forehead gently before resting his in my own. “I love your mind, and how analytical it is, and I love that you can stand on your own two feet, but you need to start letting me see you, stop putting a wall up between us, because I’m all in.” I just looked at him, blinking at his words. He was right! “Of course I do also just want to kiss every inch of you.” He shrugged trying to add a bit of humor, however he had already convinced me.

I wanted him, I kept think that he was going to do more but he never did, I think it was because I wouldn’t let him, but I did want him to touch me and hold me, and damn I’d be lying if I said a massage didn’t sound amazing.

“Ok!” I stared at him as shock took over his face. He swallowed and frowned while my face inched closer to him before connecting my lips to his. I gently grabbed his hands and placed them on my hips once more before hesitantly raising my arms. “But you can’t say anything at all. No words about it! I mean it Ok… No words!” my hands were shaking slightly which he could probably feel and so he nodded into the kiss.

“No words.” He confirmed before raising my top over my head effortlessly. I swallowed thickly before spinning where I sat, showing him my mangled back!