Chapter 38
Dylan POV
"1,2,3... 1,2,3..." A sigh left the queens mouth as the music was once again cut off due to me stepping on the feet of one of the butlers. "How many times must I say to keep your head up, and step lightly?!"
The dowager queen began to yell at me again causing me to swallow thickly. We'd been at this for nearly a week now. I was once again able to wear the constricting dresses that I was first placed in, they just made dancing all the more difficult, my scars being on show were no longer a concern as the entire world had already seen them anyway, and on my feet lay a pair of delicate heels.
"Again!" The music started and my head instantly went to my feet so I could see myself doing the steps, the butler took hold of both my waist and my hand and began to step. I tried to count in my head but I guess I was doing it out loud because the music once again abruptly stopped and the butler stepped away from me. "If you're going to count the steps like an idiot then the least you could do is count them correctly." I knew I'd never be able to do this. "Take a break, Stewart. I need a coffee, maybe something stronger." Stewart, the butler, quickly held his hand out to escort a very stressed queen out of the room. The doors loudly slammed shut and I crumpled to the floor in exasperation.
"Come on now, it wasn't that bad!" Lewis chuckled at my disheveled state, and held his own hand out to help me up. "I think your starting to get it." He was just being kind, because I wasn't getting it at all.
"Oh yeah, I'll be a pro by the end of the week." I rolled my eyes as I took his hand in mine and stood back up. "Why do I need to learn how to dance anyway? It's not like I'm ever going to need it." Lewis had hardly left my side since the King had left and we we're definitely getting closer because of it. I actually found myself looking forward to seeing him every day. He was the only bit of light in the entire palace.
"You know you're going to have to dance with Josh during your coronation, right?" No, I most certainly did not know that. My eyes most likely screamed terror as I looked at the beta, who chuckled and held his own arm out to escort me. "So you didn't know that then?"
"But doesn't he have to mark me before I'm coronated?" I took hold of his arm and we both walked out of the large dance hall and into the long corridor.
"Well, yes, but..." Well if that was the case then learning all this was definitely a waste of time.
"So I'm never going to need to know how to waltz or whatever it is I'm learning." We continued to argue about my need to learn how to dance as we walked through the palace, and to the one place where I felt safe, the library.
"Can you please just try and at least learn a bit? The queen isn't above getting physical, and if Josh finds out that you've not learnt anything yet..." He trailed off after he saw my face pale at the mention of the king. He was right though, if Josh found out I'd been slacking off he'd go ballistic, and I really wasn't sure how much more I could take.
What would the king do to me this time though? He certainly wouldn't be lenient, not to mention I wasn't just putting myself in the firing line anymore, until his grace came back, my behavior reflected poorly on the beta too, he had after all vouched for me. I can deal with anything that comes my way, but I couldn't bear it if someone else got hurt or worse due to my actions.
I could genuinely feel the library walls closing in on me the more my mind wandered. Flashes of the blood pouring from me onto the steps of the palace and the pain that came from the whip shot through me like an arrow, piercing my resilience and bringing forth a whole new feeling of anxiety and panic. My breath became labored and heavy, meanwhile my limbs felt light and oxygen deprived. I was having yet another panic attack.
Was I truly that damaged that my lungs couldn't cope with any mention of the king? I shouldn't be crumpling from the inside out so easily at just the mere thought of what King Josh could do to me. I shouldn't be this terrified of a tyrant, hell bent on destroying the world as we knew it.
"Dylan!?" The beta was once again quick to come to my aid, his hands either side of my head, one on each cheek as he forced me to look his way. "He's not here, you're safe, you're safe." I shook my head again and continued to fight my body for breath.
"I'm... I'm... not... safe." I was getting dizzy, my head becoming so oxygen deprived that my eyes were beginning to droop.
"You're safe with me, I will never hurt you. Dylan, you need to breathe!" I strangely knew he'd never hurt me, and I did for some reason feel safe with him. He was a Lycan, and a royal at that, I shouldn't feel anything but distain for him, but I can't help it when my heart slightly jumps in my chest at the sight of him, or how a small smile creeps on my face whenever I know that he is close by. He was my only comfort, my only warmth in an otherwise cold and listless place. He was my reassurance, he was my strength, and he had no idea just how highly I held him.
The area of library suddenly stopped shrinking in my mind as I took, 1, 2, 3 shaky breaths in and out. The fog that was starting to cloud me seemed to vanish at the sight of Lewis's worried gaze.
"I'm ok." The words came out so quiet and unsure that I knew if he wasn't a wolf he never would have heard it. "I'm sorry."
"Don't you ever apologize, do you need the doctor? I can go and..." I shook my head and took hold of his wrists, gently peeling his large hands from my cheeks, and intertwining my own fingers with his.
"Just, give me a second." I gave his hand a small squeeze before attempting to pull away, only for him to stop me. I frowned, still trying to regulate my breathing slightly as I looked up at him.
His wide eyes were fixed on our conjoined hands, he was completely unmoving as he stared. Had I done something wrong? Shit, was he going to punish me?
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I shouldn't have grabbed..." he stopped my terrified rambling by taking the smallest of steps forward towards my cowering body. His eyes gravitated from our hands to my eye and frowned deeply at me before swallowing thickly.
"Do you feel that?" He whispered, still frowning at my form. His words caused confusion to then cloud me, feel what exactly? I could obviously feel his grip on me, but I wasn't entirely sure if that's what he meant.
He cleared his throat slightly, and shook his head before finally releasing my hand from his tight grasp. He took a large step back and then shook his head once again.
"Lewis?” He looked at me like I was the plague. Like he detested the very sight of mw, all of a sudden. Was it because I touched him? It was always him to initiate physical contact, I’d never grabbed him first, this would have been the first time. “I’m sorry, I…”
“You’ve done nothing wrong.” He smiled but remained at a distance from me. “Are you ok now?” He was obviously asking about my panic attack, I wasn’t ok, even more so now that I had maybe angered the beta, my only friend in this place.
“I’m ok, are you?” I was skeptical, he did not seem alright. I had crossed a line with him, and I knew I would not be making that mistake twice. I forgot that he was still a wolf, and wolves are temperamental at the best of times, even one as kind and caring as the royal beta.
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